No matter what
I am dumbfounded. We are on vacation and dh has been texting his oldest daughter for the past three days. Why? Because she left a voice mail that her grandfather wants her to "open communication" with her father. This is the same daughter that just got handed a big amount of money from grandparents through a custodial acct. she has not had any contact with them in years and in the past six years she, her sisters, and mother have essentially terrorized dh through courts.. She has falsified her grades to him.......basically failed 4 years of a fancy college that would not kick her out because they had a paying customer.
I have asked dh what is he doing? He does not address anything regarding the past six years! He says she will show her colors but basically there is no reflection on her truly reprehensible behaviors. I am having a hard time respecting dh now. I understand he is a grown man, but help me here.. How do you ladies look at your husbands in the same light? He is in the medical field and I told him if his interactions with his daughters was a treatment, it would have been scrapped long ago.. He only has created sociopaths who are never held accountable! And he has no relationship with any if them! I did go too far last night in telling him I believe he has low self esteem, and they know it.
So six years, only contact has been to take to court, and now on my vacation she wants daddy now??? And last week she could only text him to find out how she could get her money? What game is going on? Any thoughts?
I did tell him she has
I did tell him she has ignored you for six years, she can wait a week til you are home.. But no.........I am pretty steamed. Sitting at a restaurant and seeing him text her just aggravates me. I guess the message to her is anything goes........anything is acceptable.
I have to say I feel that his father is behind this and I am not happy. It is all a farce.....
How old is this girl?
How old is this girl?
No, he knows better. The
No, he knows better. The conversations are always about them, they take no interest in him. But I am soo curious as to what is motivating this daughter, who has hated dh for years..
Dh s now falling all over himself to call this bitch back. And she will get angry about something and then be gone, hopefully for another few years. But it bugs the crap out of me witnessing this groveling behavior. How could it not? I just do not understand how thinks that his behavior works.....sigh..........I suppose I should be grateful that I do not have to interact with these witches. Just sit back and watch it all. That is hard though...
She changed them on the print
She changed them on the print outs....
Dh lost all his savings over that......and no feedback, ever, from him over any of it!!!
And she calls out of blue and dh leaves chit chatty voice mails to her, basically cooing.......I do not know if I am repulsed or scared..
She is 25, and has had any
She is 25, and has had any contact with dh in 6 years other than to take him to court, and lie to him.
Well I am very happy to have
Well I am very happy to have this site!! I am sitting in the hotel lobby.. My friends and family do not understand and honestly they have gotten sick of hearing it. I am sick of dealing with it!!
There is no way in hell that
There is no way in hell that I would put up with this. It is supposed to be a vacation the both of you are taking together. I wonder what he would do if the situation was reversed and you spent all of your time texting your kids. Ask him to limit the texting so you can both enjoy your vacation. Otherwise, walk away from him when he starts texting again. Tell him he can join you and have fun when he is finished.
Oh drop his phone in the
Oh drop his phone in the pool.
Seriously though I would just leave the room. Until you give him a short sharp dose of his future if he continues this suck-up behaviour. Just point out that his kiss arse attitude makes you puke. All you want is for him to tread carefully and be wary of their motives until they prove otherwise. That is all. Maybe the girl DID get hit on the head by a piece of 2x4. But the jury should be sitting it out until her actions speak volumes.
Phone, meet Pool.
Phone, meet Pool.
came back up to the room and
came back up to the room and within a minute dh was texting. i got very angry and asked why he could not put it down for a few days. he again spouts the same crazy he did with the younger. that he is going to get a 25 year old to a place she has remorse. i laughed...i told dh that my life can not have them in it. he can engage without me but it will not be on my vacation. i do not know if he will stay the week here with me. i have accepted the possibility of the marriage ending.
And she is honest in saying
And she is honest in saying that the reason there is contact is because the person who gave her a huge wad of cash is requesting it. She is not even lying about it.. I think that is hurtful right there and shows her utter lack of respect for him. Dh said he asked her about that at end of their conversation and she said it again.. He thanked her for calling and said he enjoyed their phone call.. Then he started texting her........
He is blind to how they feel about him. He is blid to how his lack of emotion regarding their behavior has led to people who clearly only operate on a primitive moral scale.....they are stuck at the I d level........infant gratification only. He only exist to serve their money and emotional needs...........but he has never ever required it!!!! He runs from emotional feelings...........
"i told dh that my life can
"i told dh that my life can not have them in it. he can engage without me but it will not be on my vacation." I am sorry to hear your DH chooses to place his marriage at risk for something so rediculous. I can guarantee you if your DH leaves the skids will have no time for him. They will have accomplished their goal of breaking up the marriage, the thrill will be gone. Then DH will come back, licking his wounds and begging you to take him back.
Another scenario could be similar to what happened to My DH and I. I am quite sure he gave SD the impression he was going to leave. He had been threatening to for years, but when he suddenly realized I was serious - the marraige would be over unless things changed, he decided to stay. From then on, SD has not acknowledged his existence. He still calls her occassionally but I don't have to be involved with her at all. The good thing is SD and I no longer have to pretend that we like each other.
I agree....and the crazy
I agree....and the crazy thing is he is not even looking for that. He jumps when they call him, and as step aside puts so well......when they toss him a crumb.
but he is running after
but he is running after someone who is right out there....saying she is doing this only because someone who gave her a big wad of cash wants the contact....she isnt even saying she herself wants a relationship.
Wow. I'm mad about my DH
Wow. I'm mad about my DH kissing SDs butt last evening, but I got nothing compared to this. Just wow.
If texting the ingrates is the most important thing to your DH right now, then find something you want to do yourself. And go do it. And I'm talking like an entire day trip or many hours at the spa. It sucks but waiting in line for his attention would not be an option for me.
I can’t offer any words of
I can’t offer any words of advice really only empathy. I experienced pretty much the same thing last year.
OSD moved to aunt’s house b/c Daddddddyyyyy wouldn’t collect her from a friends when she got back from holiday at 1:30am (when SO had an important meeting in the city early next am) and she had told him 11:00pm at the latest (she knew all along and lied…but that’s a whole other story). Oh plus she was 19 at the time (get a cab with your £400 allowance). So she had moved out for over a month, we travel to the US for holidays…day 1 she’s on the phone/email (at all hours) wanting s/thing signed, then something else, then just utter sh*t. Like you, no apology/conversation for what had happened before.
You feel like an idiot b/c he is attached to his mobile to some ungrateful sh*t who didn’t want to know before. You are just sitting there like a spare part. It is so infuriating….I actually packed my bags at one point and told him to drive me to LAX as I just wanted to leave.
What is the point in going on holiday if that is all you are going to do. This happens on every holiday with me: calls, texts and talking non-stop about them and ohhhh the girls would love it here…we should all come here next year together....ummmmm….HELLO NO!!! Then there is an ‘atmosphere’ b/c you want to ask what is going on but at the same time don’t want to hear it…arrggghhh Plus being as she didn’t want to know before...why the hell call now….. b/c you are on holiday that has exonerated your SD’s previous behaviour…WTF?!?!
I like the suggestions from others of doing your own thing…I wasn’t insured on the car in the States…but if I was I’d have been off for the day (and possibly night…LOL). I know what you mean about coming back…that is exactly how I felt…sad thing was on the plane back I actually felt relief b/c at least back home I could get in my car, see my friends and family…what kind of a holiday is that?!?!?!
Please try and do your own thing and enjoy the rest of your holiday…I know easier said than done!!!!
It is all about the money.
It is all about the money. Wave money around and they start coming out of cracks in the sidewalk. Guilt trumps common sense of parentshood.
+1 for pool meets phone.
well dh says i have an anger
well dh says i have an anger issue,,that the amt of time spent texting or calling her has been miniscule and i am over reacting. he will not engage with me today because he doesnt know that he can deal with my anger and emotion..i need to own my emotion as being irrational and that i have ruined vacation. he will not own anything, especially texting her in my presence on our vacation, given he knows my feelings about them. he is a man who is emotionally detached, he sees it weakness to reflect back to his daughters. i told him that has created people who have no empathy by his lack of feedback to them. very tragic,but i now understand. i think he is more quick to end this marriage based on my emotions that scare him, than over his ex who cheated on him from the very beginning. i told him i want to move forward, i apologized ....but i am scared. he himself has serious issues.
You have nothing to apologize
You have nothing to apologize for. You are not over-reacting. ANYONE would be angry if their partner was constanly texting while they were supposed to be having a vacation for the two of them. He WANTS you to be on the defensive and scared - he has succeeded. That way he will shut you up and manipulate you into accepting his inappropriate behavior during your vacation. Don't let him threaten you like that.
Yes catmom.......that is
Yes catmom.......that is exactly it.....she is a sadistic bitch.....the worst kind.. And he just can not process it.. He is like the battered woman who keeps going back for more..
I find it all so creepy, but I do realize that he is acting in a pattern that is present with his daughters and ex wife......he is not asking that I have anything to do with them, although yes he did do a phone call and texts.
I am happy in his relationships with my family, my children, and myself......for the most part..
But clearly, something got so off base in his first family.. Those girls are damaged beyond fixing..
I need to not react to the craziness I witness............and remember that I have the choice to not participate.
Dh is going to spend the day with me........
I can not hope to make him see that his emotional detachment from his daughters behaviors have only empowered them and see him as something to use and abuse..
Wise words.....thank you.
Wise words.....thank you.
I have been out of town and
I have been out of town and couldn't respond even though I read what was going on.
All I can say is I am so sorry and Sooooooo understand!
You are not crazy!