Counting down the days... ughhhhhhhhhhh <<UPDATE>> or latest drama
WOW.. fun stuff happening here..
Soooo... this week is BM's week with the skids and she is loading up the Uhaul daily and making trips over to the new place..
Last night we had the skids for a couple hours and they were both in SHITTY moods.. we finally found out why (or at least the reason why for one of them)..
DH picked up sk14's cell phone and looked at his messages.. there was a correspondence between him and BM about football practice..
Let me fill you in with a little history here.. Last year sk14 played football and was pretty good for his first year.. this year, before his mom announced her move, he was committed to playing again the upcoming school year..
Then when BM said she was moving out of state and won't be able to see them every other week because she couldn't maintain their sporting practice schedules sk14 said he didn't want to play.. (and there is also the factor that he saw how grueling the summer schedule is for practices and this kid is LAZY) but... Dh and him had a little battle and he got over it (this was about 6 weeks ago)..
Ok, last night DH sees texts between BM and sk14 going back and forth about how much he hates football and doesn't want to play.. and she and him were trying to come up with an excuse that the coach and DH would fall for so he could skip conditioning that day.. then they go on to bitch about DH and sk14 texts "I'll just come live with you then."
DH was pissed and called him out on the spot about it. Of couse a huge battle ensues and nothing is resolved - shocking!
And now today.. DH calls sk14 to see how the last day of school went.. sk14 is an ass and DH asks him what his problem is... tah-dah.. round 2 begins..
Now we are basically backed into a corner:
SK14 is refusing to play football and will not come over or live with us if DH continues to go this route.. manipulation at it's finest and BM is just feeding it by telling him he doesn't have to play and she won't make him if he lives with her..
DH can't back down or give in now. If he does, he sets the stage for the "I'll just go live with the other parent" manipulation game..
Personally, I would call his bluff but it's not my choice.
Thoughts?
UGH...I really dislike teens.
UGH...I really dislike teens. And it makes it worse that his BM is feeding this.
Just out of curiosity...why is DH making him play football?
My son was 10ish when his SM told him that he should come live with them. (My ex had severe problems)
I looked my son in the eye and told him...you will live with me until you are 18 years old. I will fight with every cent I have, and then more, to keep you with me until you are 18. So it does not matter what your dad or SM say. You will live with me until you are 18. No if and or butts about it.
The main reason I did this was so that my son would never be put in the position to think 1)...he had to choose his dad or me....or 2) that he could use that as a bargaining tool. (Like your skid is doing).
It never came up again. Of course my ex flaked out of my kids life that year due to drugs and alcohol.
Good luck...it sucks when they get to that point. My SS did that to his BM a few times.
The kid should be able to
The kid should be able to decide if he wants to play football or not. I would insist that he do another extracurricular be it chess club, basketball, piano lessons, or a part-time job. Maybe the kid just doesn't like football.
He wanted to play football
He wanted to play football all the way up until his mom said she was going to move.. when she said "I won't be able to do shared parenting over the summer if you play sports - it is too much driving and I can't accomodate that kind of schedule" he all of a sudden doesn't want to play.
SK14 does not want to grow up.. he wants to be an up your ass baby who plays video games, has no chores, no ambitions.. nothing.
Basketball.. well, he tried out for the team 2 years ago.. didn't practice, work out, nothing.. and guess what..? Didn't make the team.. then last year.. he bitched all year about not making the team.. when it came time to maybe start working on your skills.. he did nothing and didn't make the team again. He is lazy and just expects to be handed things..
As soon as he saw how grueling the football schedule was he began to complain that he wouldn't have "enough days off"... that is another "....?? Are you kidding me?
Devils Advocate here... If
Devils Advocate here...
If he plays football, Mom says she can't come see him.
If Mom can't come see him because of football, he will feel that is his fault and he is choosing football over her.
If he doesn't play football, (read: if chooses to want to see his Mom more than play a sport) you and DH get mad and punish him.
Jesus Christ, this poor kid is in a total lose/lose. And this isn't about football. This is about you and DH covertly trying to make a kid choose to not see a parent!!! It doesn't matter if she's a bad Mom, she's still his MOM. Try to be a little more understanding. No child wants to lose a parent.
I get where you are coming
I get where you are coming from. He is in a tough position. However, I don't think you quite get the whole story here..
We did not put him there - his mother did. We had everything set and in motion. Then she informs us she is moving an hour and 15 minutes away and shared parenting (50/50) will not work anymore.
She isn't moving for a relationship, job, family.. no reason other than "she wants to".. that's it. When she said she was looking at houses she lied to everyone about where she was looking and planning to move.
She has chosen to disrupt everything the kids know and have worked for. She can take him to practices twice a week - she is in an outside sales job and 1/2 of her territory is very close to us. Half the time she out jogging or shopping when she is supposed to be working anyways.. His practices are 2 hours and in the evenings.. it is not impossible to manage this schedule. We even told her he could come to our house if there is some conflict with her work schedule. We offered to work with her to continue the shared parenting arrangement through the summer.
BM doesn't want to support the kids extracirriculars financially or logistically.. she pulled this crap last year too (when she lived one street over). She would prefer them not play sports and stay home and do nothing. It is inconvenient for her to go to games/practices/fundraisers.. yet she has her softball games twice a week and date night with her hubby every weekend (even when she has the kids) It's all about her.
You have it backwards - DH isn't trying to do anything and I resent this accusation.
It is all BM's doing because she is selfish. We tried to work with her and she told us "you guys wanted the kids - suck it up bettercup." She is unwilling to go out of her way for her kids.. we EVEN proposed extra time with the kids Thursday eve - Monday eve every other weekend since neither of them have practice Friday night.. her reply "nope, I'm sticking to Friday at 8pm to Sunday at 6pm"... so no, it is NOT about DH keeping his kids away from their mom. It is about him trying to maintain consistency in their lives and not allowing them to ditch things that are good for them because their mom abandons them.
Just frustrated.. there are
Just frustrated.. there are a few other posts that lead up to this one and it ruffled my feathers when the finger got pointed at DH. Didn't mean to come off pissy.
BM is making our life HELL and I really can't take it anymore.