OT: Should I leave it up to DD to tell her dad about visit to principal's office
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I just got a call from the principal at my DD8's school. Apparently DD found it necessary to dig her fingernails into another little girls arm with no provocation. The other little girl had to see the school nurse. The principal is holding DD in from recess and had her call me to tell me what happened. I told DD I was extremely disappointed in her and she would be punished, and we would talk about that when I get home tonight. She goes to her dad's house this weekend, so I think he should know about it and decide if he wants to punish her while she's at his house. Should I leave it up to her to tell him?
I personally am horrified that my kid did this! I don't know what in the world would make her think that was appropriate!!!
I'm going to add a second
I'm going to add a second part to my question. Punishment-wise I was planning on taking away all electronic stuff (gaming, IPod, watching TV, etc) for one week. (I find it inexcusible to put your hands on someone else in a harmful way). I also was thinking of making her write a letter of apology to the other little girl. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't see how taking away
I don't see how taking away electronics is a natural consequence of her actions. I would have her write me an essay about her actions and why they were wrong, and then take her to apologize in person.
What is your relationship
What is your relationship like with the dad?
I would let him know what happened. Something like, "DD8 did xyz at school and this is what happened. As punishment, I'm keeping all electronics away from her for one week and making her write a letter of apology. If you wish to continue the punishment at your home, I would appreciate it. If not, her punishment will resume when she gets back to my home."
If we ever tried to tell BM that the skids were punished and not allowed to do something (anything) at her home, she would intentionally allow them to do it. So we pretty much just tell her what happened (for serious infractions only) and the punishment we doled out. We leave it up to her to discipline how she wants in her own home.
I think your punishment is fine .. but I'm still curious as to what spurred this action from DD? Even when you say with no provocation, I can't help but think SOMETHING had to happen.
We have a good relationship,
We have a good relationship, so I know our discussion will go over well and he will more than likely agree that there should be consequences at his house too. I've been trying not to have a whole lot of contact with him, because his wife doesn't like it, so I'm kinda trying to take each case at a time regarding whether it's something that he needs to be made aware of or not, etc.
I think your punishment is fine .. but I'm still curious as to what spurred this action from DD? Even when you say with no provocation, I can't help but think SOMETHING had to happen.
I know, I am curious to talk with her more when she gets home, as I find it odd that she would just do that for no reason. When I asked her on the phone why she did it I got the "I don't know" answer. She is generally a very timid girl and has never shown any form of aggression, even when she was little, never bit or anything like that. She really doesn't stand up for herself either, which is something I'm trying to work on.
I hope that it's nothing
I hope that it's nothing serious and just playground antics that went a tad too far. Sometimes that's all it is .. if kids are embarrassed or frustrated and act out because of it, they might not be able to really verbalize WHY they reacted the way they did .. especially when they know it was wrong.
Hopefully she learns her lesson and everyone can move on peacefully
Good luck!
I would tell dad myself....as
I would tell dad myself....as if left up to a kid they are liable to spin themselves I to the innocent victim or completely downplay the infraction. To hear my skids versions of school issues they are the public whipping children and everyone from classmates to principal lies about them and hates them.
I would probably try and form a good solid discipline strategy with dad now, as issues lime these requiring multi day punishments will happen more frequently as your kids get older.
Dad, I got a call from the school today and dd got into trouble for dong XYZ. My thought we to do AB and C. I am think it in our kids best interest that they see us as a united front when it comes to discipline so I hope we can work as a unit with stuff like this. What do you think are appropriate conciquences which leads she is at your place e?
Then feel him out from there.
Thank you everyone for the
Thank you everyone for the advice! I might just send him a quick email and explain what happened and what my punishment is, since he picks her up right from school and I won't be there to ensure she tells him. I would never tell him what he should do as a punishment, but will leave that up to him. I will explain that I think we should show a united front regarding her behavior, to nip any future problems with that in the bud. I don't want issues in the future of her playing mom and dad against each other.
I think your idea about
I think your idea about sending him a polite email is a good one.
I had to post an update. I
I had to post an update. I really do have a pretty good exH, as far as exes go...lol. I emailed him and told him what happened, and if he felt it was appropriate that maybe he could think of some type of punishment while she was at his house. His response was..."I am certainly willing to work with you on these issues that come up. I just want our daughter to have learn, fun and enjoy life and see her parents working together".
Oh good, thank you. I really
Oh good, thank you. I really hope this isn't repeated. I try to teach her right from wrong. I guess, like any other kid, sometimes she just tests.