Family Outing with BM??

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So BM is maturing...I think but she wants us ALL to go on a family outing, me her, DH, SD (5) and my sons (1 and 2) so SD5 can see we all get along. You see, lately SD cries and screams about not wanting to go to DH's house or call him, etc. and we all think its because she can feel the negativity between her mom and us. Thoughts? This might work to get SD more comfortable right? What happens if BM loses it? She truly doesnt like me but i commend her for trying to do right by SD

I tried it, it didn't work

I tried it, it didn't work out. Remember, there's a reason why BM and BF are no longer together, and it's usually that they didn't get along well anymore. Also, if they were together a long time, it can be hard to watch the familiarity between them, comments or references that you don't understand. The whole thing could end up backfiring.

Given the history, I wouldn't

Given the history, I wouldn't even consider it. It's nice for parents to get along, but there's no reason to confuse SD even more. Start doing this as a "good faith showing", and SD will wonder why it's not continuing ..

This isn't a path I would start down. Each parent can explain to SD that they are both concerned with SD's best interest, but that they are no longer married and do not spend social time with each other. It's up to each parent to be a model of positivity.

Well they were never married,

Well they were never married, he married me 6 months after they broke up (we had history i was his first/ first gf) but yeah I know SD is feeling bad vibes because BM puts them out there about us. She doesnt want to hurt her moms feelings by visiting us/ calling her dad too much etc. She's FIVE.

That's the problem .. if BM

That's the problem .. if BM has a history of creating the negativity, there's no guarantee that anything you do on this "family outing" will improve it. All the efforts in the world won't matter if BM is still being negative-Nancy behind closed doors with SD.

The ONE time BM and I were in close enough proximity of each other, she spend the entire time snubbing her nose and refusing to speak to me or DH. Tell me the kids don't pick up on that .. just because you're in the same room/area, doesn't mean her attitude will improve at all.

very true. she claims she

very true. she claims she doesnt talk negative abt us in front of SD and this was her idea so we'll see. I don't know what her motivation is other than thinking this can help for SD.. .

I don't think you need to do

I don't think you need to do a family outing. I sure wouldn't want to. My DH went to court to set visitation. BM requested that Halloween that BM my DH and sd go out together the 3 of them. BM has a thing for that day I'm not sure why. Anyways I'm totally not okay with it. They USE to be a family not anymore. But to get back to your post. I don't find it necessary to have to do a family outing just to show you guys get a long. Just make no one is talking negativly about the other parent in front of the child. An when you do pick up an drop off dont give of negative vibes. They can sense that. An also if child is talking to either of the parent of the other side of the family don't brush it off and talk down about it. Act interested. Trust me it helps no matter how much you can care less lol

I already agreed so we'll see

I already agreed so we'll see a) if it even happens and b) how it goes lol No date set yet

LOL I hear that!! I just feel

LOL I hear that!! I just feel bad that SD is crying because she doesn't want to visit but is really BM's problem not mine. She loves it when shes with us but hey, no one wants to make their mom feel like crap. This is probably how she feels and BM is oblivious to it.

Geesh. If BM REALLY wants to

Geesh. If BM REALLY wants to help her daughter she needs to stop saying bad things about BD and you.

She needs to stop making her daughter feel guilty because she wants to visit or call her dad.

Never mind some silly "family outing", if she really wants to help her daughter, she needs to stop badmouthing you.

"So BM is maturing" Not so

"So BM is maturing"

Not so much. She wants to be able to control the situation. When SD is at your house, she has, in theory, limited control over what goes on. So in her mind, it's best to PAS out SD then suggest that you all be "one big happy family" so she can keep an "eye on things."

In my case, the BM invited guilty daddykins over for weekly "family" meals (excluding me of course) soon after they broke up, which gave the impression that they weren't really broken up to the skids; and of course confused the heck out of them. Spineless guilty daddy went along with it despite my warnings and reservations, but was so uncomfortable he decided to drop the facade. That's when the BM really started ramping up the PAS.