Does DH have a duty to inform BM she's wrong?
At the beginning of summer break, BM informed us that she wanted skids in June despite never sending DH any notice. DH didn't fight it because BM had skids in her possession and he thought it easier not to argue.
Well, DH sent BM notice, as per CO, on this past Friday that he'd be keeping skids on 3rd weekend in July rather than returning to BM. When BM got the letter she called DH to discuss. This was the conversation:
BM: "you sent me this letter about the 3rd weekend, but kids are already with you, my time is up on Sunday".
DH: "the CO says I have to give notice if I wish to keep the kids during one of your weekends".
BM: "you must be reading it wrong, I get 31 days and that ends on Sunday, but I was going to ask if I could just see them on one weekend before school starts back up"
DH: "okay I'll look at it and then get back with you".
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't BM, as NCP get 31 consecutive days in summer as well as the 1-3-5 weekends during the other two months?
But BM has basically told DH he can have skids for rest of summer.
Well Sunday rolls around and BM is a no show. DH text and BM responded "you got kids for entire Father's day weekend even though you were only supposed to get the day of Father's day, so I'm keeping kids an extra night". DH just said whatever.
So today we picked up skids and ss8 tells us ss6 was crying when he had to leave mommy because mommy told ss6 that daddy wanted to keep skids for two whole months and mommy wouldn't get to see them for a really long time and mommy was sad because mommy would miss them a lot".
Once again, BM puts stories into skids head like DH is the aggressor when he's actually so darned passive about these things that it irritates the crap out of me. But seriously? BM volunteered to give up her time in my opinion. If we have it in text that BM told DH that BM "just wants to see skids on one weekend before school starts back" is it our job to inform BM that she's giving away time that's given to her by CO?
Just disengage. It is tactic
Just disengage. It is tactic women use to guilt the kids, and attempt to make them seem the martyr.
I definitely see the guilt
I definitely see the guilt trip, DH says "the kids will see through that one day" and I'm like, "when?, when they're 40?" yea right.
BM told my steps that my
BM told my steps that my husband kidnapped them, that he beat her, that I was blocking her from being a Mom. By the time they were in middle school they knew what a loser, compulsive liar she was. They will see it, just not at 5&6.
So there IS hope?! That's the
So there IS hope?! That's the best thing I've heard all day! Seriously, MIL and FIL keep telling me to "hang in there, skids will see one day" and I just disregard because I feel BM is always going to be "mommy" to them and as long as she is around to plant seeds of negativity and doubt toward DH that they would never be able to see clearly.
I needed to hear that from someone who's been there!!
Oh yeah, my steps are 19 & 20
Oh yeah, my steps are 19 & 20 now and you should hear how horribly they talk about BM. She tries to give my oldest SS $$$ to bribe him and he won't even accept the money. He has seen her once in the last 4 years. My YSS is more willing to have a sort of relationship with her, but he does say things to her like "it's too late" or "that never happened" which makes me happy. It also makes me happy (and cringe at the same time) when he says "just a minute let me ask my parents/mom". Eeekskksss that sends over the edge.
Wow, I don't know how bad
Wow, I don't know how bad your BM was/is, but if she's anything like our BM, I'm sure it felt/feels good to finally know the skids see through BM's crap.
And I know what you mean about the cringe-worthy comments. SS6 is always asking "can I just call you my '2nd mommy' or 'mommy two' because you're like my real mom". I don't know which feeling is worse, being called mom by kids that aren't mine (and I have no bios) or being told that I am like his real mom (even though I know he isn't necessarily making a comparison).
Little kids NEED a Mom, or
Little kids NEED a Mom, or Mom figure regardless of biology. They need to be hugged, they need someone to wipe their tears, and they needs someone they can count on. They need to feel safe. They crave that affection/attention. I still call my steps "baby pet names" I gave them when they were 3 & 4.
My husband was in medical residency when he met BM at a bar. She was prego within 3 months of them meeting. 9 months after that, she was prego again. (Twice in one year-Irish twins.) After the second child was born my husband had to move on to a different phase/location of his residency. BM would not go unless he married her (I don't blame her for that really.) Within a year of being married they were divorcing and she upped and left the kids with him and took off to another state (or two) which was how my husband got custody. She was on drugs for a long time and has been to jail for identity theft, drugs, DUIS (x 3), bail jumping, assaulting an officer, vandalism, etc. Can't keep a job, can't keep a home. I call her "can't get right" because she just can't get shit right. Ever. She has a child older than my steps that her parents have custody of also.
My husband was an idiot. Really. I know his mother was just mortified with the entire situation.