I'm new here and looking for some support and advice.

Do you think it is a bad idea to get involved with someone who already has children if you are childless and still really want one of your own? I am older and dealing with deep sadness over not having a child and fear that it may be too late. I have had some tests that indicate everything is still ok at the moment with my fertility, but you never know and I am almost 40.

I met someone on a dating site where I was corresponding with several men around my age who indicated they wanted kids, or more kids. Several of those I was 'talking' to didn't have kids, but the one I ended up falling for hard has 2 kids, ages 6 and 10. We've been dating for around 5 months.

While he did say he wanted more kids, and is very aware that I want a child of my own, lately I've been worried by a couple things. One is that he's seemed unsure lately, I think largely because he has been extremely underemployed and financially strapped. He is really trying to change that situation, and it isn't like our relationship is established enough for kids at this point anyway, but it concerns me. If I was seeing someone who didn't already have any kids but really wanted them, it seems less likely he'd change his mind.

The other issue for me is that I have intensely sad days sometimes where I can't hold back the tears because I'm so sad about not having become a mother and the possibility that it will be too late by the time I'm ready to try with him or someone else, if that even happens. I've tried to explain to him how painful this is - seeing all the pregnancy and birth announcements around you, friends having their first, second, + child, feeling like it is impossible to even leave your house without seeing a pregnant woman or a couple walking around carrying their infant child. It all can be very hard to take when you're worried it'll never happen for you and you deeply desire it.

Which brings me to the bigger issue of dating a dad. I haven't met his kids yet, though they know about me and have asked about meeting me and we've talked about that happening soon. But it is already hard for me to be exposed to his experience as a father deeply in love with his two kids from a previous relationship, while so intensely wanting to have that experience myself. I try to do everything to support his relationship with them, ask about them, listen, accept that they come first, send little gifts for him to take to them, etc. But sometimes it hurts. It is like scraping a really tender wound. I think there is some potential for me to get a lot of enjoyment out of a relationship with them, but I also know I'm not their mother and I still want to be one. My fear is that if he ends up not wanting another child, or isn't ready to do it soon enough, or we're not able to have children, I don't know if I'll be emotionally strong enough to be around his kids.

I also think it is really hard for him to support me when I have my total breakdowns about not having become a mother yet because it probably feels like pressure. But what I am supposed to do? Hide my deepest feelings, all the while trying to support him with the challenges of parenting after a divorce?

Any input or advice is much appreciated.