In my house it would be "sorry SD you can't come over we have to take DD to the hospital". No way I'd put off something that important for a skids visit.

I agree with Topmuffin .. I can't imagine why visitation trumps a clear medical necessity for another child.

You need to stand up to your DH and tell him medical emergencies take precedence. He can discuss rescheduling time with BM or forego the time.

Or... Dad could drop you and the little one off while he has time with his other child. You will likely not get results immediately, so his presence isn't really required.

I agree with the others. SD being there shouldn't stop your baby from going to the Drs

I'm probably missing something, but why can't DH pick SD up and then bring the car home for you to take DD to the doctor?

I wanted to add that, IMHO, figuring out what is wrong with an infant that possibly is failing to thrive trumps SD's visitation and book fair, hands down.

And this again is another reason I dislike sd because I feel like I can't take my daughter to the doctor for test that the doctor wants because of her
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WHAT!!?? The SD has NOTHING to do with the fact that YOU and you DH are not taking your child to the DR. I had to go back and re read your post to see if I missed something. But I didn't. YOU doing this all. NOT SD

If it was my baby and my DH wanted to be with his daughter from another relationship over taking his new infant daughter to a doctor's appointment, then where there's a will there's a way. I would have found a friend, hitchhiked WHATEVER to get my baby to that appointment NOW. Your picking and focusing this battle to hate on your SD at a time where your FULL attention should be focused on your new baby needing medical attention is screwed up.

I am not going to judge you for resenting your SD because we all have done it. Plus who am I to judge you.

But the truth is this has nothing to do with your SD & everything to do with effectively communicating with your DH. I think you should call him back and tell him how you feel, and how serious you think this is. Get his opinion on it. Don't be angry with him until you figure out where his head is.

And don't be angry at SD at all, because in your life she will give you PLENTY of reasons to be angry with her - this just isn't one of them.

Good luck.

Sweet baby Jesus...are you really trying to blame your SD for your daughter not going to the doctor? Was it your SD that told the Dr's office no?

You told the Dr's office no, you couldn't make the appointment without even consulting your DH to get his input. You didn't give an explanation to your DH about the appointment, and then you get mad at him for mentioning the SD's book fair. You choose not to elaborate about the appointment, so DH probably made the assumption it was not a big deal and you had it handled. By handled, meaning rescheduled for another day. BTW, did you reschedule it?

Sounds like the problem is more of transportation problem, then a SD problem.

You need to take responsibility for your actions and quit trying to put the blame on your SD. It is not SD's fault your baby isn't going to the Dr, it is yours and yours alone.

I'm not going to get into the right/wrong discussion, but I just wanted to tell you that if the breast feeding isn't working, you aren't a bad mother for moving to formula no matter what the "specialists" will tell you. Many children are never breastfed and they are ok. It's more important for the baby to thrive than to worry about where the food came from. Lactation specialists are usually very very focused on keeping you breastfeeding, but they're not the ones lying awake at night worrying about your baby. Whichever route you need to take to help the baby is the right one. I'm sure there are plenty of bio-moms on here that gave their children formula and they turned out just fine. Personally, my child had formula from the beginning and she just got her doctorate so I don't think I ruined her.

Summer, I just quickly wanted to say to tell you not to listen to those who indicate you are a bad mom.If read properly it is very clear that you are doing everything for your baby -I remember how exhausting it is with a little one, especially when feeding every hour or so.I am glad, things are looking much better after the visit and the doctors came up with a new plan.
I totally understand that although that visit was not an emergency that you wanted DH to put you and your babies needs first- and this would have been the right thing!! Even "just" to make things easier at home and to give you some confidence in handling this exhausting little angel.I absolutely find it disgusting that he even thinks about SD in a situation like this and I hope it was only because he didn't really think about it all. I also believe that you should try not to delegate your anger away from DH to SD- after all it is not her fault.

quit feeling guilty when a medical issue arises that may interfere with sd visitation. don't be afraid to speak up. if this weren't a step situation and you had 2 children and one of them needed medical attention, and the other had a bookfair, it would be a no-brainer that the bookfair would be skipped. do not ever settle for less when it comes to your child. if it means dh will miss visitation, that's life. there is a new child (sd's SISTER) that everyone has to make room for, including sd. and the only person in the world that can make sure your child doesn't get slighted is YOU. if visitation is THAT important to your dh, maybe the adult b.day party could have been skipped? it seems you worked everything out, but do not be afraid of rocking the boat. you will only grow even more resentful as time goes by. you'll find the more you speak up, the less resentful you are of sd. she's a child. she does what the adults in her life wants. it's not her fault if some of them put her on a pedestal and worship her (don't know if this truly fits in your situ, I know it does in a lot of stepfamilies). and this happens because the new spouse is afraid of speaking up. what's the worst that can happen? the man will leave? hahaha! if a man leaves because his wife speaks up, let him.