New to the group
I have two SD's 15 and 16. Their mother lives in a neighboring state, but doesn't have involvement with them majority of the time. My fiance and I have been together almost 5 years, and I can count on one hand how many times she has seen them, or made any real contact with them.
The 16 y.o. is manipulative, hateful, distant and lazy. While she is the more cooperative of the two, she is still very hard to deal with, and runs to my fiance when she doesn't get her way. She has a quick temper and takes enjoyment out of making me angry, or causing issue.
The 15 y.o. is text book sociopath with her behavior. She is sneaking, dishonest, lazy...the list goes on an on. Recently she was busted for drinking at school, and for planning to purchase drugs "for a friend." She has since had the most ridiculous punishment I have ever seen laid down, and it is accomplishing nothing.
Despite my description, I do love my SD's....I just don't like them. My F is a wonderful man, but he is doing more harm than good when it comes to the parenting of these kids.
I recently had a issue that I addressed with them as to their laziness, and the entire time I was talking to them, my F was behind me making faces and making fun of me.
When I addressed it with him, he said that I was "being to hard on them" and that he was just trying to lighten things up.
I am at a breaking point. I love my F dearly, but he is such a passive and truthfully, lazy parent, that I'm not sure how much more I can take.
(So sorry for the long post...I'm just feeling very overwhelmed.)
^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^ A
^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A man who loves you isn't going to stand behind you making fun of you EVER. DO NOT let him twist it around that he was "just joking" or whatever..he is an asshole who has no respect for you. This situation can never get better, assume it will get a million times worse. He's just giving his girls a common enemy for them to join forces against---YOU.
I'm beginning to wonder the
I'm beginning to wonder the same thing. I was a difficult SD to all of my Father's girlfriends and wives growing up. I guess I continue to try and work on it because I realize that they may be light at the end of the tunnel.
The SD's have crossed a line with me after disrespecting my Mother, who has done nothing but love and support them. That's what has finally broken the camel's back.
These girls are very bright, but have ZERO common sense, and no drive to do better for themselves. I get that teenagers are difficult, but there has to be a breaking point.
I agree. I am seeing it more
I agree. I am seeing it more and more. I have sacrificed a lot, and gotten nothing buy frustration and heart break out of it.
If he continues to allow them to act like this, and if he continues to act like this, then they are all going to be miserable, because no one is every going to be good enough...nor will any sane person put up with them.
I'm going to disengage for a
I'm going to disengage for a while, simply for my sanity. I need to be able to step back and determine what my next move is. Leaving is such a simple option, but so hard at the same time.
I'm perfectly capable of surviving on my own, but I want to be sure that it's not me taking an easy out. (I'm famous for those when things get hard)
Why not keep separate
Why not keep separate residences until they are over 18? You can make a decision about your relationship then. Although I doubt if he will change, you never know. Once they are "adults", things might be different.
WARNING! DO NOT MARRY THIS
WARNING! DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! Your SDs behavior is bad (partly because they are teens), but NO grown man should ever act like that. Him making faces behind your back is childish, inappropriate, and completely disrespectful (picture a 7 year old boy in a Dennis the Menace movie). I don't believe I could have kept from blowing up and throwing him and his brood out immediately, or packing up and leaving myself if that was not an option.
Mocking you to your SDs
Mocking you to your SDs behind your back should be a deal breaker. Change the locks and put them all out on the street.
At least I would.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your opinions. I don't take them lightly. I agree fully, he is an ass....he didn't have any decent role models growing up, and was single parent while the girls were young. He has become more of a friend than a disciplinarian.
He IS a wonderful man, when he puts in the effort. I have ovarian and cervical cancer. My treatments kick my ass, along with my 60+ hour work week, and my time in rescue. He does put up with a lot....but he also makes things far more difficult than they need to be.
The 15 y.o. is the one that should be in juvie!
Both SD's are spoiled, they are learning no responsibility, no work ethic, and quite frankly, they're in for a long-hard road. If we take time apart, it will be permanent.
I need to take some time to disengage, and focus on me. If this is not an eye opener for him, then that will let me know how much I don't mean to him.
Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not making excuses, or avoiding leaving...I simply want to be sure that it's the best move for me.
Bloody hell! If my DH did
Bloody hell! If my DH did that to me - I'd have my bags packed in a minute! No way in fucking hell would I put up with that shit. Talk about inviting his clan to mock you and just treat you ike shit - how wonderful of him! It would be better for your sanity to stay single until you met someone who would treat you decently.