BF stopped paying!
I have had primary custody of my bs and bd (twins) for over ten years now. My ex has been crappy about seeing the kids and has paid child support here and there, although it's typically been a terrible fight to get it. For the last three years though things were good. He saw them during the summers and he paid on time every month, albeit less than the court-ordered amount, but it was close and I wasn't of a mind to fight. Well, he was "medically retired" from the military (so he says - we have no proof) several months ago and claims he has no income, can't find a job, and DFAS has not turned on his retirement benefits yet so he can't pay his child support. He is not disabled to the extent that he can't work. He just chooses not to. He and his current wife adopted a kid a couple of years ago so he is staying at home to take care of that child while his wife earns a paycheck to support them.
I consulted with a family attorney who told me that I could take him to court but it would be expensive and time-consuming. Since my kids are 16 years old, he recommended I just pursue collection through CSE since they only charge $25 a year. If the deadbeat wants a reduction, let him ask for one. Good advice I suppose, and I took it, but nothing is happening now except the arrearage just gets bigger and bigger every month. Isn't there anything else I can do to get my kids the support they deserve? I don't object to a reduction, but I don't think he qualifies for one because, according to the attorney, in order to get cs reduced based on loss of income, that income loss has to be "involuntary." Choosing to be a stay-at-home dad to one of your kids is not involuntary. I don't care if the man is obligated to pay $100 or $1000 a month; his kids deserve to be taken care of. They deserve what is fair. Have I done everything I can do? Is it worth it to try and file a contempt action?
You don't need a lawyer to
You don't need a lawyer to fight this. Go to the court house and file a contempt motion yourself. DCSE will help you when your case is called. You have to be proactive but you can do this on your own!!
This is true. My mother never
This is true. My mother never had an attorney... She didnt get anything until I turned 16, then we finally started getting back pay child support. CSE will help you. I'd go through them.
Just because he was military
Just because he was military doesn't mean he isn't a dead beat. My ex is military and a GIGANTIC ass and would be a dead beat if I gave him an inch. Shoot, before I got CSE involved he would wait until the last day to pay CS, and would only do it then because I would call his chief, and he would hand deliver CS by balling up a check and throwing it at my face... Just because some people can't live in the real world doesn't mean that we should all bow down to them. This definitely isn't true for all military but for my ex, it was pep boys for the rest of his life or airfoce. He couldn't be a secretary anywhere else and make what he makes!
I commend his service to our
I commend his service to our Country and for what he has done to protect our Country. However that shit blows my mind! He can adopt another kid but not pay for his own bios?! WOW! :jawdrop: WINNER!
I too believe that a parent should pay CS, however I am a firm believer in being fair and making sure you are not making it so one parent lives like a pauper and barely gets by (NCP) so that the other parent can be lazy, choose not to work, etc. This CS calculations based off of GROSS income is total BS imho. (Just ranting sorry, and I am not saying you are that kind of parent either)
If I were in your shoes I would go to court and just have CSE take care of it all, you may not see all of that money for years BUT it is worth it in the long run, that will teach his ass not to pay!
I'm a combat veteran too. My
I'm a combat veteran too. My service has never prevented me from busting my ass to be the mom my kids deserve. If I thought for one minute this guy was anything other than a dishonest, irresponsible, manipulative disgrace, I wouldn't be posting here. You forget: I was married to him and I know how he is. He has no limitations physically or mentally other than selfish laziness.
That said, I appreciate you extending the benefit of the doubt to a service member.
Why is medically retired in
Why is medically retired in quotes? He can be medically retired if he is rated at a VA rating higher than 30% and it can take time for the VA to get the money straightened out. That said, he does still need to pay for his kids. And if he is collecting VA money he is also likely getting dependent rate/ extra money for his kids with you.
I'd take him to court personally.
Being medically retired is
Being medically retired is not going to be viewed as a voluntary loss of income.
I guess I didn't make it
I guess I didn't make it clear that the problem is that he is NOT disabled. He is probably NOT even "medically retired" which was in quotes in my original post because he's a big fat compulsive liar who has never told me the truth about his finances ever. He was active state guard, not federally activated guard or traditional active duty. He was a civilian when we were married and never kept a job longer than just a few months, so I regularly had to pay his child support for his older two kids. (Part of the reason why we divorced was that he had abandoned those kids financially, physically, and emotionally and I couldn't stand to be with him because of it. PART of the reason, of course.)
I'm frustrated that my original issue was to ask what else I could be doing other than opening a case at CSE and hardly anyone noticed that. I didn't ask for your judgment about whether or not this deadbeat (because that's what he is) should have to work now that he's claiming to be "retired" yet also telling me he isn't receiving any pay from either DFAS or the VA and does not have a VA rating. He didn't seek to amend the court order. He didn't explain to me that there would be a lapse. He didn't tell me he needed to adjust child support to reflect a loss of income. He just stopped paying. His only interaction with me has been to berate me for asking about what his intentions were and to scream at me for telling him our daughter needed to have her wisdom teeth removed and the medical insurance I provide for her at my own cost would only cover 85% of the treatment. I was hoping I could get some insight from people who have been there about other avenues to collect what my children deserve, so thank you to the original couple of posters who addressed that issue. I didn't realize that I needed to subordinate my children's right to be supported by their father to my moral duties of patriotism and supporting a troop who doesn't support his kids.
And being physically unfit
And being physically unfit for combat is NOT the same as being wholly disabled and incapable of working. Last time I checked, working at McDonalds, Geico, the phone company, or the country store didn't require you to have to dig a foxhole and run sprints in full battle rattle. He is not disabled. He is physically fit enough to chop wood with an axe, jump on a trampoline, carry an AR-15 around a campsite, hike on a glacier, etc. My kids came home from his house with videos of all these activities. If he is considered disabled and unable to work, then my dear friend who lost both her legs at the knee in an IED blast in Baghdad should be given a medal for deciding to go to nursing school and work in an ER after she rehab'ed and learned how to walk on her prosthetics. Jus' sayin.
Ok so what does all that have
Ok so what does all that have to do with taking him to court for nonpayment? He owes CS, he needs to pay it or file for a reduction. The onus is on him. Take the emotion out of it, file a contempt motion and take his ass to court.
We never had any luck forcing my husband's ex to pay CS. If a person refuses to work/pay there isn't any remedy other than taking that person to court and hopefully putting some sanctions on him/her.
You can do this without an
You can do this without an attorney. Contact either the DCSE or the DA in your jurisdiction and file for a modificaiton and for direct payroll with holding of CS. Once his retirement pay kicks in your CS will come directly out of his pay to your account.
This was the best thing we ever did. Instead of receiving CS in small intermittent chunks we finally started getting it all in one direct deposit every month. We did not need an attorney, all we did was file for a review of CS. We had a telephone hearing with an Admin Law Judge and it was all implemented automatically following that ruling.
As for garnishing his retirement pay for your CS.... Do it. Your X's responsibility to his children is not aleviated just because he served in the military.
All IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Why are you so bent out of
Why are you so bent out of shape about forcing a man to pay you at least $100 a month for what you feel you "deserve" when he says he's broke! Your kids are old enough to get a part time job. Times are tough. Custodial parents seem to think the Ex is some ATM that they DESERVE to withdraw from because she MADE THE CHOICE to have a child. You deserve to put your big girl panties on, raise your kids, and stop trying to financially attack this man, to take from him, what you feel "you deserve"
No, ma'am. This NCP is using
No, ma'am. This NCP is using the CP as an ATM every single month he doesn't pay anything to support his child. You have it backward. Someone has to pay for that child's expenses. Two people should be doing so, but when he refuses, SHE pays HIS part too.
And unless she assaulted this man, or stole his seed in the dark of night, then HE chose to have this child too.