This is inappropriate, not to mention confusing for children. The 3 of them are not a happy little family unit anymore, hence the term "ex". If they want to continue to play the happy family, they should get back together. Or at least both agree to stay single and not date others, so as not to bring anybody else into it the dysfunction.

If he goes on vacation with his ex, I would remove myself from the whole situation. The kid is 5? You have a lot of years ahead of sitting on the sidelines, maybe more than you'd think.

I think you need to explain to your BF about boundaries.

You are in for a miserable ride.

Like the poster above says - leave now! You are young. There are millions of great guys out there WITHOUT children and baby mama drama.

He is not over is EX or he would never consider taking them on vacation with you there.

He is a schmuck.

Get out while you can. Go find a man who has no children and have a happy relationship and maybe someday your own children.

If he does go and you wait on the sidelines and then start spending time with him and the kid again, the kid will start to see you as a threat and the reason daddy isn't with mommy. This kid will most certainly act out against you.

RUN FOR THE HILLS!

get...the....fuck....out......NOW.........THE END........

I think he's thinking about this from a place of guilt rather than of someone who is trying to be unselfish for his child. I mean, I think HE certainly thinks he's being unselfish, but I think he's projecting his feelings of guilt and fear onto this child.

He's right - playing happy family and vacationing together IS going to be fun for the child. And then she's going to cry when they come back and her parents go their separate ways, just like she cries now.

I'd urge him to think about his daughter's crying in the longer term. Is it really being an unselfish dad to play happy family and fool his daughter into thinking that she has one family? Because she doesn't. So is misrepresenting that going to save her from longer term pain or is it going to confuse her and make her face greater pain in the long run than if everyone accepted that she has two houses and two parents?

Part of being a good parent to a child is to put those feelings of fear and guilt aside and do what is going to set the child up for success in the long term. That doesn't always mean it is an easy thing for the parent. It can be hard, and clearly he is going through alot trying to be a good dad to her. But in the big picture, isn't parenting all about taking a child, letting them develop their identity and giving them the skills to function independently and then letting them go off to live their lives?

If you get him thinking about the well-being of his daughter in the long term, and giving her coping skills versus indulging her by keeping up a facade, and what the larger concept of parenting is all about, he might see that he isn't helping his daughter cope by essentially lying to her.

Why don't you ask him to picture his daughter thriving in the presence of two separate loving families. This is a particularly easy transition for younger kids, because they don't have years of living with both mom and dad before they have to shuttle back and forth between households.

Why doesn't he let her go to Disney with her mom and grandparents or something like that, and then the next year he can take her somewhere else fun - Sea World? Disney Land if she went to Disney World (or vice versa)? He can take his parents along and you, if the two of you are together and serious.

That way he gets to understand he'll still have those special moments with his daughter, they're just not going to be all of the special moments like he'd have if her mom and dad were together. That's just the reality of the situation.

It sounds like he's attached special sentimentality to Disney, so he may end up going to this one because it would be too hard for him to stay away. But talk to him about the long term best interests for his sweet daughter, not her short term childish needs (not an insult, she's a little kid). If you reframe his concept of good parenting from being about indulging her and keeping up a facade to keep her happy, he might understand his duty as a good father to her in a different light.

But tread lightly. If you are not very diplomatic in how you talk to him about this, he's going to think you have an agenda. So approach it from an understanding frame of mind, as opposed to trying to tell him why he is wrong.

And please understand that this man's guilt may cause him to make poor sacrifices for his child - like going back to BM to try to make it work. He's at high risk, just because he wants so badly to do well for his child and he's young and therefore is prone to romantic notions that aren't always realistic. You as his girlfriend do need to be aware that he is a flight risk. So it is extra important that you be supportive of him. He's trying to do right, but it's not going to be a smooth ride for you as his girlfriend, even if he chooses to stay with you.

This is so very wrong. You need to leave this situation now. He's having the best of both worlds here and both he and his ex are playing you for a fool. You of course are encouraging that by acting like one. I know you believe you are doing the right thing here, but you're not. If this man has no intentions of going back to his ex, he is only confusing this poor child by playing games and giving the child false hope. You shouldn't support that. He considers Disneyland is for families. Therefore he stills considers the ex his family. Where does that leave you. Clearly not family. What if you were to have a child with him. Who goes to Disneyland then. How would your child deal with her daddy going off on holiday with his "first" family.

If you stay, you are giving him the message,. Your ok with this. Leave, let him sort out his life with the ex before he takes up with someone else.

He still has a thing for his ex. Disney World can be a very romantic place if you know what you're doing.

Stick the kid in one of the kid's clubs for few hours while mom and dad go have a nice quiet dinner at one of the signature restaurants.

Or how about a nice fieworks cruise for the whole family? I did this once for Illuminations during an Easter trip. It was cold that night. But the captain had nice cozy blankets for us to wrap up in. Can you picture mom, dad and kiddie bundled together under a blanket enjoying the fireworks? You can't just up and go to disney. You have to plan in adavance. Mom and dad will have to have many pow wows before the trip to decide on resorts ~on site or off, which meals are a must ~gotta make sure Baby Girl gets eat with Cinderella and Mickey. Do you really want to watch as your BF and BM gush with joy as they are busy planning THEIR FAMILY VACATION????

Your boyfriend is the man. He was lucky enough to find a girlfriend who allows him to date and vacation with his ex. Isn't that special??!!!

Honey kick this loser to the curb and find a man who isn't in love with his ex.

This is hard but it's better to leave this relationship. If your boyfriend is not with his ex any more then that's how it should be. The daughter has 2 families now, one with her mom and one with her dad, they need to be separate. My DH has been doing less and less with his ex (such as not going to the birthday parties she puts on, we have one of our own). The boyfriend sounds like he is not ready to move on from his ex

Since you have the predominantly female perspective from your own mother and many STalker ladies, let me give you a guys perspective. As with many who have commented on your thread, I am old enough to be your parent too. Only I am old enough to be your father.

Your BF and the X/BM are causing significant damage to their daughter IMHO. She needs to know very clearly that mom and dad love her but equally as clearly that her mom and dad are not together.

Several people have told you to run. I concur.

Yes, you are young. That gives you ample opportunity to step away and move on to a partner that you can build a life and family with rather than be stuck with the baggage that your current BF is failing miserably at carrying because of his feelings of guilt.

Guilt is a waste of time and a completely artificial and manufactured load of crap IMHO. Since your BF can’t seem to gain clarity on this instantly then you are better served to move on with your life.

Good luck.

Take care of yourself.

you are too young for this, have fun, get to know you and RUN!

Oh hell to the no! And I'm not even a step-parent!

Honestly the first thing I thought of when I read this post was that the BF and the ex are messing around together, and it probably won't be long until they are back together. What do you want to bet that they will be sharing a bed on this vacation? Even if they are not, the temptation will be there to sleep together "just this once" while the kid is asleep. Seriously run, don't walk.

Why are you even entertaining the idea that they go away together?! For me it would be a flat 'No you're not.'

As said before though, it's very confusing for the kid. Even having lunches as a 'pretend' family is inappropriate don't ya think?

I joined this site JUST to comment on this.

I was in a very similar situation for 2 years. When my ex and his wife first split, he would go over to their house every morning so that, when the kids woke up, they'd see him and not know that he had moved out. He would take them to school, work the evening shift, go home with me, then wake up at the crack of dawn to go play daddy.

He spent birthdays and holidays over at the ex's house--without me. They even took family pictures together.

He wanted to take the kids on vacation to Disneyland with his ex. Also without me. Thankfully, he was too broke for that to happen.

However, it ended when, after two years of him bending to his ex's every whim and demand, she demanded that he break up with me or risk a legal battle over the kids. Guess who lost.

Me.

If you haven't already...run. It will not get better.

This is beyond weird. When is this dude going to make the break? Is he going to keep this up forever? This is just ridiculous. Put your foot down now.