I am actually proud of myself for the first time in this whole mess. During it my health declined and so did my attitude on life. Well that negativity I was giving also affected my baby girls. I used to walk around mad, mad that she had this fun loving wonderful step mom who did everything for her that a mother should do (Her BM loved that because she didn't have to do the work just got the Mom title). I was resentful because my own bio babies got the not so fun, sick health-wise Mom. Well, I changed that, lately I have been doing everything I should do as a mother to my own, I have been having so much fun with them, I have been living my life and having the thought in my mind "My kids only have one childhood" and lately, my girls have been telling me that I am so fun, and how much they love me. I feel a little like myself again and I am proud of that. I could either lay around feeling sad, guilt, and all the other negative feelings or get off my ass and do something about it. I also stuck to changing my diet (had a couch potato pathetic diet going on for a while) and have been exercising and reading books in my spare time. The books are self help books that my therapist recommended but I love them, I am learning from them. Anyways this is a HUGE step for me. DH and the girls are loving it. DH says I seem back to my old self but a better self. He says all this can either be a sad story or a lesson learned on how to live my life better for my girls. They are young, 8 and 3 and they need me more then the 19 year old who doesn't want me that I didn't give birth to.