How do you un-spoil a child?
So basically, SS11, is way over spoiled, over entitled, and fights with DH about doing chores. He is the oldest of 4 children, and gets away with doing the LEAST amount of work, while he receives more benefits than anyone making him spoiled, and over-entitled. DH agrees it's his fault for allowing this to go on, and he now wants to nip it in the bud. I know I'm supposed to stay out of it... but I thought it would be ever so much fun to post this to the forums, and see what we might come up to insist upon a major attitude overhaul change. SS11 dearly loves his video games, and pretty much has no desire to do anything but spend his entire time here in the basement, playing his games, and annoying the other 3 kids while he's here. He has a computer in his room, a tablet he uses, Xbox 360, Xbox 1, and several others he uses, television and movies, cell phone etc. He takes no incentive to help, and argues and half-asses anything we ask him to do. He fakes sick, makes other plans, does anything he can to weasel his way out of any responsibility around the house. Again, DH accepts total blame for this, and will be 100% in charge of taking care of this.... but I thought some suggestions and support might be helpful and fun.
Okay?
GO!
the only thing i can think of
the only thing i can think of is starting taking things away.
do your chores or no xbox.
given that he's the oldest its important he sets a good example for the other 3 or otherwise they will all end up just like him.
as you start taking things away he will make your life miserable. but after awhile he will get it. you just have to persevere.
I only ever have to ask SD13 once to do something. Her dad will have to ask her numerous times. that's because from day one ive laid down the law. she knows she cant F with me. is it my place to make her do stuff? no, but its a helluva lot easier if i just ask her because there wont be pushback.
fiance and BM raised her with no rules or expectations of acceptable behavior. fiance is making a concerted effort to change his ways and is doing prety well for the most part although it is extremely difficult implementing rules, discipline and consequences so late in a child's life. in our situation, he's not a disney dad, but rather BM is a disney mom. we have so little time with her (for now, we are goig for 50-50) that its hard to make anything a permanent habit with her, but we are trying.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this idea!!!
LOVE LOVE LOVE this idea!!!
I think SS is still going to
I think SS is still going to know that the directives are coming from stepmom.
example: SS comes home at 3am with three friends as they were too inebriated to drive (all old enough to drink meaning this is my adult SS...) and making a hell of a racket and waking the whole house. Hubby and I agreed that SS is too old for sleep overs and there are no more allowed and Hubby was pissed at SS, he was tasked with telling SS this decision.
Then I find out hubby tells SS "Boy step2012 is pissed at you", SHE says no more sleep overs etc etc.
I guess my point is Steps are going to know that things have changed once you are living in the house, even if your Hubby isn't as thoughtless as mine was, and they may still hold a grudge against because they will know that it is you who has changed things.
I recently laid it out like this (and it seems to be working)...I told husband "these are SS chores, this is SS room and board amount. If you are not going to make SS do these chores then YOU are responsible for them. If you are not going to enforce the room and board amount for whatever reason then YOU are responsible for his portion. If my BD does not do her chores I am responsible for them. If the kids know that this rule exists and still won't do it or better yet, your husband enforces it with them then they can hold a grudge against their bio parent and not against the step. Seems to be working in our house but hopefully these adult Steps will move out soon!!
YOU don't do anything. The
YOU don't do anything. The chore simply is left undone until Daddy gets tired of looking at it. He doesn't wash the dishes? Can't prepare the next meal with a sink full of dishes so YOU go out to eat and they do what Daddy wishes.