While I don't post on here too often, I've finally gotten to a point where I could really use some advice and support from my fellow steppers. (I apologize in advance if this is long and rambling.)

MIL who had been estranged from DH, DD11 and myself for the past couple of years passed away unexpectedly about a month ago. She died during Christmas break when I was out of town on a day trip with our daughter to enjoy a day of shopping (it was actually on the 20 year anniversary of my father's death and I wanted to be occupied with something more positive). When DH called, he had told me not to be alarmed or rush back home, but that he had gotten a call from one of his uncles telling him that he needed to get to his mother's house right away, that she had been found dead in her home. While I tried to keep calm, I started getting phone calls within minutes from one of DH's family members telling me that a lot of people were at my MIL's house and that while my MIL's body was still in the living room and they were waiting for the Medical Examiner to show, that things had actually deteriorated so badly to the point that police officers were actually breaking up a physical altercation between two of my DH's cousins. With everything going on, my daughter and I cut our day trip very short and headed back home.

I headed to my MIL's house (without our daughter) to try to see how DH was doing. When I arrived, one of DH's cousins (with whom my MIL was very close) was sitting at the table, going through all of the filing cabinets, taking all of the valuables (purse, money, antiques, jewelry, etc.) for "safekeeping". This cousin was given all keys to the house as well as keys to my MIL's vehicle. This cousin was insisting that there was a will and that my MIL had listed her as the executrix. I asked if anyone knew where the will was, and was only told that they were "looking for it". I had asked if anyone knew the attorney that my MIL had used for the will, but no one knew. Well, within a matter of a couple of days while my husband was at work, this cousin, YSD20 (who was on leave from the Army at the time), an aunt, uncle and a couple of other cousins tore my MIL's house apart unbeknownst to DH while he was at work. They cleared out every single valuable in the house that they could find, divvyed up almost all of my MIL's personal effects along with whatever personal effects were still in the house that had belonged to my MIL's late husband. They tore apart mirrors from their backings and pictures out of their frames to see if they could find anything hidden. After all of this, they were unable to find a will (which my DH and I pretty much knew all along never existed, but DH felt that he needed to allow them the ability to look for one). As my DH is the only next of kin, his attorney drafted up a letter to be given to all of the family members advising them that what they had done was a crime and that they needed to return all items to the estate immediately. The cousin that had originally stated that she was the "executrix" was forced to provide DH with the keys to my MIL's house vehicle. When my DH got into the house, we had found that these family members had tried shredding bills that were due that the estate would have to pay and that all of a sudden, my MIL's vehicle would not start. We found that someone had tried clearing out my MIL's savings account and tried transferring all of the money into her checking account after her death and before they gave DH her wallet. The cousin ended up bringing back some menial garbage (costume jewelry, plastic decorations, etc.) and stated that these were all of the items taken - even guaranteed that nothing left my MIL's house without her knowledge. The only "genuine" items that came back were my MIL's original wedding set (which my MIL had always said that she wanted YSD to have) and a couple of the gold and silver coins. We have a HUGE list of items that are still missing and have been told by other family members that were around the day that the house was cleared out that several people (YSD included) had left the house with multiple boxes of items from the estate.

As for the jewelry that my MIL was wearing at the time of death, YSD and the cousin that originally claimed to be the executrix tried to get my MIL buried with her anniversary ring set (which everyone including them knew that my MIL had always promised to DD11). Both YSD and the cousin however, tried to get the funeral home to release the rest of the jewelry to them on a few occasions even after determining that there was no will. YSD even tried telling the funeral home that the jewelry was her own personal jewelry and asked for them to send it all to her at the Army base that she is stationed at.

Now, DH is getting text messages from the cousin that claimed to be the executrix asking when YSD is going to get "her jewelry". Since YSD doesn't want to deal with DH and told family members that he "had no right" to be informed of my MIL's passing and that he "knew that he wasn't supposed to be at my MIL's house", she's trying to have the cousin do her dirty work for her. The cousin is insisting that DH send all of the jewelry to her so that she can forward it on to YSD. At this point, DH doesn't even have any of the jewelry as whatever we did get went straight to the attorney until the court formally appoints DH as the administrator.

The attorney is currently drafting up letters for all of the family members that stole items from the estate that have still not returned all of the property. All family members, including YSD, will have a set amount of time to return the property before charges are filed. As far as this is concerned, I'm a little concerned. I've been told by several people that if YSD does not return the property and ends up facing criminal charges in our state that she can get in a lot of trouble in the Army and possibly even get kicked out. (Despite my feelings for her and everything that she's done to us, that's about the last thing I'd want to happen because I don't want her ending up back in town.) Also, while DH has said that he won't ever stand in the way of fulfilling his mother's wishes, he has said that if the members of his family that stole from the estate can't return the stolen property, then nobody is getting anything else - YSD included.

As "just the wife", some of DH's family members have told me that none of this is my business because DH "isn't my family". I'm not sure what to do here - if anything. DH tells me that any decisions about what is going to happen to my MIL's house, belongings, etc. are going to be made together as we are a team. While I think that's great, I don't want to be the cause of even more problems between DH and his family because I'm "sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong." What do you guys think is the best course of action for me to take in all of this?