Should We Bother BM
We are considering to put SS2 (soon to be 3) in a PreK3 program in August. Our court order says that we do 5/2 (School) from Labor Day until Memorial Day, and 7/7 (Summer) from Memorial Day until Labor Day until he begins Kindergarten. Because PreK3 is not mandatory, do you think we should ask her to help pay for half of the tuition. Its 135$ a month plus a one-time registration 145$. We are unsure whether she will even agree to this because it will interfere with one or two weeks of her 7/7. And by interfere, I mean that she will have to drop him off at 8:45 and pick him up at 11:45. She's pregnant now, but she will have given birth by then so we are unsure if she will be returning back to work after her maternity leave. If she does return to work then she will have trouble dropping him off or picking him up. So do I ask if we should start 5/2 early?
Basically should we ask her to help pay for his tuition? Do you think she will agree to send him on her days? How can we convince her to send him/help pay without antagonizing her. Also the money isn't that big of a deal, we can afford it, but since we have primary custody and don't accept any form of child support from her, I think its only fair that she help with something especially since its 67.50 a month. She has a job and her mother/grandparents pays for most of her bills so that shouldn't be an issue.
Oh there was no doubt about
Oh there was no doubt about including her in the process. What I meant was should we bother her with asking for the money for the tuition. Or if it would even be worth it sending him if she doesn't send him on her week(s). DH is the one who is determined to send him with or without her permission or financial help.
^^THIS^^. You say "we" have
^^THIS^^. You say "we" have primary custody. No, your husband has primary custody. I'm sure she's a crappy bm. It doesn't matter. Lots of crappy parents have full custody of their kids. Just because you are married to the father doesn't mean you and he make decisions for the child. As a homeschooler I can tell you the child will miss nothing by staying out of "the system" for another year. When I was a kid, we didn't even all go to kindergarten!
I understand some of y'all
I understand some of y'all believe that the dads have custody and that's fine but in my famy "we" have custody. Me and DH are a unit and all decisions are made together. Anything that's his is mine and vice versus. I know many argue that that's not it is or should be but that's how it works for us. So yes, "we" have custody.
Good for you, when the couple
Good for you, when the couple co-parent together, it makes for a healthier marriage imo. Also I am wondering why you want to put him in a preschool. Is it just to have him in a play group, or he needs care when you guys are at work? I am not a fan of preschools, too many kids and many other problems. As for asking for money, I absolutely would not, this is something you and your husband want to do on your time.
I've heard through the
I've heard through the grapevine that ss2 and BMs new bf/bd's daughter don't get along at all. Like violent outburst and BM and Bf/bd thinks it funny. They are a day apart. My hope is the PreK3 will give ss2 more social skills and help him become accustomed to sharing and having little friends. He doesn't have little friends over at our place and the Prek3 program is only from 8:45-11:45 so he won't be sitting up there all day. I've been working with him a lot on colors, animals, shapes, sounds but not so much progress is coming from the other household it can only help.
I told DH not to bother even asking for the partial tuition because she will undoubtably argue and the results will still be know. I hate assuming she'll be this way but she hasn't proved us wrong yet.
Every decision that BF makes
Every decision that BF makes affects both SM and BF, so yes, "we" is proper.
I feel like if BM sits down
I feel like if BM sits down to talk to me about things related to his life or text me for pics/calls me to talk to him, then I can say "we" freely. I know not many SP/BP relationshipa are like this and our is anything from perfect but so far it's working to be accepting of each other's extended families as equally important. We still have our problems with her but me being in the co-parenting picture is not one of them. If anything she's more likely to get me to understand her pov whereas DH just would rather not give into anything or talk to her at all.
yeah, i would just enroll the
yeah, i would just enroll the child for the social benefit. don't even worry about the money or the times she won't take him. If you want him to go on her time, ask her if you can transport. Maybe she won't even care giving up time. I know my skids bm doesn't, she just cashes the checks.
in my opinion, I would just
in my opinion, I would just let her know that was what you were going to do just as a courtesy, You might bring up how much it is per month and offer for her to contribute to the education of her child. Just try to emphasize that this is what is best for the child. Because in the end it has nothing to do with money or time, it is what is best for the child. And if she doesn't want to help, it'll just look like she wasn't wanting to do what was best for the child.... But she atleast deserves to know where her kid is going to be during the day. my husbands co states that both parties have the right to take the kids to the dr, therapist, or any extra-curricular activitiy, but it is only right to acknowledge the other parent if it is going to conflict with their schedule or possibly their wallet.
We sent her a text that
We sent her a text that Registration for ss2 is next week and how much her portion or enrollment fees are and also how much monthly tuition would be for each of us. I didn't care to argue with her so we waited until after she picked up ss2 and then sent it ending with "we can talk about it sunday (her drop off day) if you have any questions" and she never responded. Sunday came and she only asked to look over the paperwork. I have a small hope growing that she may just agree so she can spend alone time with the new baby since ss2 is in that adorable toddler stage of running around hollering and all those other growing boy things. lol