That's a bit much, in my opinion. There's nothing wrong with doing something special for his daughter (and of course for you!), but do they HAVE to be equal? They shouldn't be equal, in my opinion, especially if SD had gotten in trouble recently.

In trouble or not, no, I don't think he should treat you equally, because you're NOT equals. She's his daughter, and you're his fiancée.

Thankfully, DH and I have all boys, so there's not much of a chance of this happening to me. It'd really tick me off, though. It's hard to say something when someone's doing something nice for you, but still, I don't think it's appropriate for him to basically treat you as equals.

this is not appropriate or cool.

its very similar to (but defintiely worse than) those parents who cant buy gifts for one child's birthday/special event/etc. without buying gifts for their other kids so they dont feel "left out".

I would seriously act like a huge asshole about this. Nothing irks me more then FDH's trying to make SD's feel "just as special" Sorry if this offends people but I'm going to say it anyway- SD'S ARE NOT AS SPECIAL AND SHOULD NOT BE TREATED EQUALLY BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HAVE A ROMANTIC LOVE AND THEY ARE NOT FUCKING DH.
Therefore this equal shit does not apply.

FDH tried something along the lines of this a few months ago, he bought me some Northface hoodies, a cute flannel etc. Just to be nice, it was a surprise (and he said this). Over the weekend I wore a few hoodies so I obviously took the tags off...then he says after a few days "Pick out your favorites bc I'm going to give a few things to SD16 :jawdrop: "

I was irate. First of all because he should have told me before I took any tags off and the only thing that I was willing to give up was the flannel which I really liked because I would get more use from the other stuff. Second, why the F*** would he present it all to me like it's all for me out of the kindness of his heart??? Surprise!!! Oh wait, nevermind, you have to share with SD16.

I'm still mad about it when I think about it. I took everything that still had tags on it and told him she could have it all. And if he ever thinks to buy stuff and present it to me then tell me I have to share with his brat kid to not bother. I can buy my own shit.

I made a big deal about it. It was more the principle then the material things. It's just the fact he feels guilty buying me something and not giving her something out of it? He then back tracked and said he already told her he got her something.

UGH- Never again will that happen. #1 he won't ever try that shit again and #2 if he did, I'm not giving shit up.

I understand why you might think you could be being bratty, I acted the same way but it's not. The relationships between us and DH and DH and his daughter are completely different and should be treated different. If you ask me, I put up with a lot of shit and bust my ass to make a living, cook, clean etc. I DESERVE kind gestures from him every now and again WITHOUT either having to share or him giving Sd the exact same thing. It takes the meaning out of it.

Sorry but when you show up 4 hours a week and thats not even consistent you don't deserve shit

He has a mini-wife. Nip this now, or this just gets worse. She will feel entitled. DH sees now that he gave my SD to much credence when we were dating and that she never heard no and now he has no relationship with her. These spoiled girls get worse the older they get.

Ponygirl is exactly dead on

My DH used to do something similar, but it was actually worse than this he would always insure that anything I received; birthday gifts, Christmas, etc...that his daughters always thought they got something more. Yup. So for example for Christmas one year DH bought me a beautiful expensive gift which he asked me to open a couple days before Christmas :? with the excuse that he simply couldn't wait for me to open it. I did. I loved it. Two days later on Christmas when we were with the girls and opening their gifts, DH's eldest opened a very expensive stereo system, YSD high end skiis, ski boots etc... and then DH says "Disillusioned open your gift" and hands me a gift from 'all of them'...a cheap looking sweater that may have cost about $20.00. I was all confused because I knew I had already opened my lovely gift a few days before so blurted out about wow another one/already received a wonderful gift

After so many incidents of this...things like DH taking the girls out to expensive restaurants for their birthday dinners but simply ordering in on mine if they were with us (he took me out too but without their knowledge) and even letting them choose what we would order in for my birthday dinner, I eventually caught on that DH wanted to make sure his girls felt that whatever I received from him in the form of gifts was always less than what they had received, no wonder when his eldest was older and gave DH an ultimatum it was stated as "she's JUST your girlfriend, I'm your DAUGHTER" guess that said it all about how much more important she believed herself to be in comparison to me

Yes it's about our DH's not wanting his kids to be jealous, the easy way out, when in fact if he had taught them more about their role and place and what is appropriate, we probably would have a lot less problems with them now as adults!