What is the correct response?

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So, let's say that SO receives texts from one of his girls (21, 17, 15) on a monthly, sometimes weekly basis, referring to you as a bitch, a whore, the cause of world hunger or whatever else they dream up....WHAT should I expect from him? He repeatedly says that he can't control what they say or do, anymore than he can control me or any other person on the planet. He is not the custodial parent, so he can't ground them. They are not allowed in my house anymore because of even worse behavior than that. He has said to them, "I understand you must be hurt, you must be feeling a lot of anger, but please do not name-call. I will try to spend more time with you. How about lunch this weekend?" or something to that effect. I think I would rip my children's jugular out if they spoke about anyone that way. Should I be satisfied with this? Because I'm not, but I really don't know what the answer is....

for starters he should keep

for starters he should keep his mouth shut and not tell you "oh, hey, janie texted me that she thinks you are a bitch!". i mean, what good comes of sharing that?

Partially, my fault. His

Partially, my fault. His phone will go off, and not even thinking, I will ask who it is. He works shift work, and gets called in a lot, so on his time off, I'm thinking it may be work, and then find out otherwise. I have also grabbed his phone off the night stand, when it woke me up one weekend morning, to find out I was a whore.

I would remind my CHILD that

I would remind my CHILD that I deserve to be happy, and I wish the same for them. I would ask them (since they are older) to respect my choices as I do their choices and that I have chosen savemysanity because she makes me happy. When you are ready to respect me and my happiness, I would love nothing more than to spend some time with you, I miss you and love you.

I would repeat this every.single.time they text me something of that matter.

I like this. Especially

I like this. Especially since SD17 is dating a guy with 29 felony charges against him, and she has also, now, gotten an "aiding and abetting" charge since dating him. She used to be an honor student and decent girl.

What's the cause of all the

What's the cause of all the vitriol from these three girls? Why would they keep bringing it up?

DH needs to step up and let them know that he will NOT tolerate that kind of talk, and if I were DH, I'd just tell them to stop calling or communicating with me in any way until they cut that shit out. But that's just me.

He needs to put his foot down and stop this behavior, no holds barred. Otherwise, it's just going to continue.

I do still wonder, though...Why do they keep doing it? What do they get out of it? There has to be some sort of reward, or they wouldn't keep it up.

Maybe a reward from BM? I

Maybe a reward from BM? I don't know. Just whenever they don't get their way, it's my fault. The latest round of hatred started when SD21 was living with us (no job, no school, no chores), and after a week of insulting my cooking, saying she needed d*** or her p***y was going to close up (in front of my 10 year old girl), I politely asked her to stop, told her she was being rude. But when she said, "Daddy can go f***" himself, I told her she COULD not and WOULD not say that in my house. It's been WWIII since then.

That depends on his

That depends on his personality most of all I suppose. You can tell him that what he is doing is not enoughbfor you and to either put a stop to it any which way it takes, or make sure that you are totally unaware of it, so that it can't bother you.

And any methods used is up to him I suppose. If he is the gentle kind he might try asking and explaining, and if he is the firmer type he might tell them to either shut up or f#ck off!

Good luck though, it must be really hard to have them say stuff like that about you. That has to hurt. I am sorry you have to deal with that.

He's laid back NOW. When the

He's laid back NOW. When the oldest back talked BM during their marriage, he threw his arm out in front of SD on her way out the door, and she fell in the floor. Even during their marriage, BM would beg him to discipline, he would, then BM would "undo" it and be the "good" parent.

So, they basically get

So, they basically get rewarded with lunch and more time with him? Well, that's not acceptable.

My SD22 would NEVER say anything like that to my DH, she was raised better and she knows better.

But say she did do something like that, my husband would tell her to not bother calling/texting him again until she apologized and could act like a decent human being. That would piss him off to no end and he's a pretty laid back guy.

Not only is that disrespectful to you but it's disrespectful to him, as well. Does your SO not see that? They might as well be calling him names.

That's EXACTLY how I feel.

That's EXACTLY how I feel. That they are being "rewarded"....and they do call him names too, "sperm donor" being one.....he's bent over backwards for them. They just attack when I put my foot down after TOO much.

Not to mention the names

Not to mention the names they've called MY kids.....ugh. I just don't understand MEAN people.

See, that's how I would

See, that's how I would react. I feel like my feelings and my feelings are a non-issue. But, he and I are different people.

"DH, when you have your next

"DH, when you have your next rewarding lunch, tell those little bitches I don't appreciate being called out of my name"

No??

Lol. I'm feeling punchy.

Seriously he is wrong. 100%. You do not reward bad behavior and you do not allow ANYONE to disrespect your spouse.

Yes, I wonder what he would

Yes, I wonder what he would do if OP called his little darlings nasty names? I doubt he would take her to lunch.

Hell, I barely get taken to

Hell, I barely get taken to lunch anyhow. And honestly, I've broken down in drunken moments lately and told him that his children were hateful bitches and I didn't understand how he raised such mean girls.

Honestly, he didn't have a

Honestly, he didn't have a lot of parenting input with them, because he worked so much overtime to support all their wants and needs.....and coming home after 16 hour shifts to BM, laying in the same spot on the couch, asking where they were going out to eat that night.

Start referring to them as

Start referring to them as bitches and whores and ask when you get your free lunch.

Seriously .. I would absolutely not tolerate this. But my DH wouldn't entertain it either.

I've recently, and only

I've recently, and only recently (after four years) referred to two of them as bitches (and only to him, in breakdown moments, in reaction to their attacks), but NEVER whores.....even though SD16 had a pregnancy scare, where she didn't even know they guy's name. Can I say to you guys, "SD16 IS A WHORE!!!!"????

Nope. 15, 17, and 21. If

Nope. 15, 17, and 21. If this was FB, I'd like your response.

He KNOWS there is NO way I

He KNOWS there is NO way I will subject my children to his anymore.....and this is not over ONE instance. I've done everything I could for them, when their mother didn't even want to spend time with them.

Can I spit in the sammich????

Can I spit in the sammich???? :jawdrop:

Ok, that's crazy. I do not

Ok, that's crazy. I do not allow my kids to disrespect anyone. Much less my SO or whatever!! The fact that he half ass approaches their comments with his passive aggressive whiny response would make me even madder.

Why can't he just tell them.. stop it!!!!!?? he could just say.. I will not talk to you if you continue being disrespectful to my wife. This is unacceptable behavior and it's bullying. They're bullying you through him.
Wrong!! Just plain wrong!!

I know one time I got so tired of listening to little diva sd whine at her dad about what kind of food the restaurant might have (while we were still in the car) I just unloaded on her. I told her to shut it. Stop being a princess and just find something to eat on the menu. End of story. And then I told her that we weren't there for her, we were there to get everyone in our family something to eat. Get over yourself. My bf NEVER responded or said one word to me about that. Later I felt that maybe I was a bit over the line or hard on her.
I know that hasn't helped but I can't put up with disrespectful kids. Nope!!

I CANNOT handle it, either.

I CANNOT handle it, either. I have ALWAYS told my kids, right or wrong, you DO NOT EVER disrespect an adult. If an adult is in the wrong, TELL ME, and I will handle it, not them.

Oh, if I only had to deal with trash left around the house, or laundry they didn't pick up, or chores they wouldn't do....THAT would be HEAVEN.

Telling your dad to F*** himself, telling him he is "dead to" them? Calling me and my children names and lying about us?

Especially when I feel like I have robbed MY kids of time with me for THEM??? UGHHHH!!!!

The correct response from

The correct response from your DH to his kids should be:

I will not respond to any more negative comments about my wife. If you refuse to be civil and polite, then I suggest you don't contact me until you are able.

I don't understand why any parent would allow their kids, regardless of age, to get away with behaving in such a fashion.

Your DH is an asshole for allowing it to continue and his children and low class, ill behaved brats.

Continue to ban them from your home and sit your asshole DH down and explain the facts of life to him. He wouldn't allow them to call his parents these names, or his siblings, would he? Why in the hell should he tolerate it when they do it to you??

I would just refuse to be DH

I would just refuse to be DH bitch or "whore" in the bedroom until he set his disgusting children straight and put a complete stop to their behavior. Problem solved!

It has CERTAINLY put a damper

It has CERTAINLY put a damper on our sex life!!!! :O

The problem isn't what your

The problem isn't what your husband should do or say the problem is how are you going to get him to do it? Frankly I don't think you're going to. This guy is as spineless as they come and unless you can make his life so miserable the only way to stop the misery is to stand up to his own children.

IF he does they will cut him off from their lives for quite awhile and perhaps for ever. They've obviously grown up treating him this way undoubtedly after watching their mother use him as a door mat. They're not going down without a fight not these bitches.

Furthermore the most likely response is that he is going to make sure you never see his phone again and I think you should co-operate with that to the point where if he even asks you to pick it up and carry it to him you refuse. "I'm not taking the chance its one of your children on the other end". Not even to carry it to him so he can answer it.

Second you tell him that you no longer:
1. Want to know what his children are saying about you.
2. If he receives a phone call from them he is to immediately move to the garage or somewhere you cannot hear him.
3. Tell him that his children are never to come to the house. If they do you are going to call the police and tell them you have a unwelcome person in the home who is cursing and you're afraid they'll get violent.
4. Tell him that this is serious enough that if he can't comply then you'll be seriously considering a divorce.

You cannot and there is no reason you should have to continue to put up with their presence in your life. You've got a child to raise and the strain this is putting on you is going to reflect to her. Since she is your first priority you've got to protect her from these savages.

Tell him he is welcome to leave the house and spend as much time with them as he desires and when he comes home he is to not say one word about them, what was said or done or where they went.

If he won't then I'd see an attorney about filing for a legal separation in hopes that this will jerk him to reality and he'll do what should have been done all along.

JESUS CHRIST!!!! How did you

JESUS CHRIST!!!! How did you steps just make me feel like I'm NOT crazy???? When, for four years, I've been made to believe so? I think I'm going to introduce SO to this site tonight, so watch out for him. Keep in mind, that he is only my SO, not DH. I can't marry him, although we've been living together for four years, because once we do, my three children will not be eligible for Pell Grants and other help for college. And HEAVEN FORBID he help my children through college....there would be HELL to pay!!!!

Respect is one of the very important lessons we can teach our kids to prepare them for the world because very, very few people would put up with being treated like shit.