So Im just expected to put up with this carp then!??
So, OH, myself, BD6 and SD6 are relaxing on Saturday night, just chilling out. OH then has a phone call from SS17............
Apparently, SS17 is coming to dinner on Tuesday night. Not that I know anything about it. I only know because I heard him talking to SS17.
What irks me, is that Im just supposed to be ok with this? I dont get "babe, SS17 is coming for tea Tues, is that ok?" or "Babe, Im gonna ask SS17 to tea Tues, what do you think?"............Im just expected to put up with it cos SS17 happens to be his son??
What happened to skids calling and saying "hi dad, can I come see you Tuesday?".......that doesnt happen. OH says that his kids can come up to see him whenever they want, they dont have to ask.......IM SORRY, I DIDNT KNOW I WAS WORKING ALL DAY THEN RUNNING AN OPE F**KING HOUSE!!!
Does anyone else have to put up with this?? It seriously does my head in......
No, I don't have to, and I
No, I don't have to, and I would refuse to, frankly. All the more so, if you are expected to cook dinner. I check with DH before inviting my adult bios to stay (neither of them lives within "coming to dinner" distance) and I expect him to check with me before anything of the sort you describe. It is only common courtesy.
^^^ This. "Sounds nice, where
^^^ This. "Sounds nice, where are you boys going for dinner?"
I wish!!lol He was sitting
I wish!!lol
He was sitting in the living room at the time on the chair opposite me! To this day, he still hasnt told me anything at all!
All I heard was "so you coming up Tuesday son, StressedStep doing lasagne.......so your defo coming...ok son see you Tues" then he hung up phone and that was that. Ive not been told anything.
I might just be horrible, and not bother serving him a plate up and when he turns up just say "oh soz, I didnt know you popping up to see you dad"
So instead of playing 'oh woo
So instead of playing 'oh woo is me, he's not said a word', why not have straight up asked when he hung up the phone. DH knows Tuesday is Lasagna night (which means he obviously knows you're home and cooking and don't have plans). You sat right there and heard him say to son 'yes coming, yes Tuesday, yes, see you then'. So what's the big mystery? You know the disliked teen is coming and when and had several day notice.
If you have a problem with not being consulted or he not 'asking permission' prior to invitation, then was the time to voice it. But you didn't. You sat quiet. You're still being quiet to him and playing 'that's all I know'. Why are you blaming the teen for the lack of communication between your guy and yourself? Yeah, the teen might be a total snot and SS and you might dislike each other, but your guy set this visit/dinner up and you've not said one word one way or the other. No one 'made' you 'put up with this carp'...you did it all by yourself without so much as a 'but' or a 'what?' . Plotting now to just not serve teen a plate is petty and won't go over well with your guy. the time to speak up was then. You still have time to speak up, but you're not. Your guys knows you know and also there was no objection. What's left for him to tell you now? Your guy is being a rude jerk...but you're letting him get away with it. Why not start speaking up for yourself? Why not sit down with your guy and tell him how you feel and how wrong it is to not give heads up and at least a pre-discussion?
You mention here also the son comes during your time you desire with your own child, between 4 and 6pm. Have you asked your guy about changing his son's arrival times? Does he know how intruded upon and resent the 4-6 arrival causes you?
How about just not serving
How about just not serving his plate? He's nearly a grown man! IMO the only person's plate a woman should be preparing is her DH/SO's or any child who is yet unable to do so on their own.
SS17 only gets in touch when
SS17 only gets in touch when he wants something. And, I know this sounds bad, but they turn up on my time!!
For example, I work full time. My childminder picks BD6 up from school then drops her home for me. So, from say 4pm to 6pm ish, its mine any my little girls time. His sons will turn up in that timescale!
SS17 doesnt like me and the feeling is mutual now, so to me if SS17 is only coming to see his dad, he should come when his dad is home and not on my time.
I wouldn't have a problem
I wouldn't have a problem with this. I don't think the problem is him coming, it's that you don't like him. So no matter what he does, if it involves you at all, you will have a problem with it. But it's your husband's son. If my OH treated me about my kids like you are acting, there would be a problem. It sounds like he already knows you are making lasagna, and everyone on the planet makes a big pan when they make it, don't they? LOL I would be more pissed if he planned it when we were having chicken breasts or something and didn't have an extra.
Thankyou for you reply I
Thankyou for you reply
I dont like him at all, but I tolerate him because he is OH's son.
BUT I would still prefer to be told if we are having guests visiting, especially eating, in advance and not just expect me to cook and dish up after ive been to work all day! And yes, my lasagnes are HUGE!! lol
It may just be me, but I wouldnt do that to my OH at all. Its our home, we both work full time and manage a home and sometimes I dont want guests, kids or otherwise! lol
I work, come home, do homework with BD, bits of housework, cook for BD, spend time chilling with her, bath her, get her to bed, then OH comes home by 7pm, and im back cooking again, talking, then we eat, OH goes to shower/bath, I wash up, put away, clear kitchen and living room, make lunches for the following day, at this point OH is chilling, then I get to my shower at 9pm ish if im lucky. Every night. I dont want guests turning up whenever they choose when I only get an hour or two to sit down anyway! I dont want to entertain anyone in what little time I have! I think thats why its annoyed me so much! lol
This is my very point!!!!
This is my very point!!!!
Last night SS19 turned out the blue, and OH was glad to see him, as you do, but he was chilled in his PJ's after a s**t day at work so was a little miffed. We didnt know.
Its common courtesy to me.
Take yourself and your BDs
Take yourself and your BDs out that evening.
Several years ago, my SD was told to call before coming over, especially since my husband's work hours are not regular. She decided to pop over one day (well, BM brought her), without calling. My husband was at work and I didn't answer the door. She knew I was here because she went around back, up my deck stairs and looked in the window (I knew she would do this and did not care that she saw me).
Then she later lied to my husband and said she had called. Which didn't make sense because had she called she would have know that he was not home. She is not the brightest.
Now, not only does she call and make plans, she tells my husband to check with me to make sure it's ok. Or so he says.
That is very insulting to
That is very insulting to you. Simply fail to prepare a meal that night. If you want to be nice tell your husband to tell his kid to pick up a pizza or chicken on his way it and you'll appear at dinner when its on the table.
You could take the passive
You could take the passive aggressive route, don't say a word, then ask him to get take out or cook himself as you "have a headache".
Or you could just sit him down and tell him that you don't appreciate him not TELLING you or ASKING you if SS can come for tea on Tuesday.
Tell him you think it's just common courtesy to the person cooking to be informed in advance (and not just by casually overhearing a phone call) and that he should be checking with you as it's just good manners.
And then tell him that when his kids DO come over you would prefer they timed their arrival for when he gets home at 6, your time between 4 and 6 is your time for your girls, you value that time and would prefer not to have it interrupted.
I could pull this one
I could pull this one off!!lol Ive woke up with a right cold and feel pants!
I think thats my problem, the fact that Ive overheard the convo. If I hadnt of been around, I wouldnt be having this discussion cos I wouldnt have a clue!!!
I might get railroaded out of
I might get railroaded out of here for this but I just came from a blog post where it was concluded I needed to put my wife first in the issue we were having...so with that in mind... Maybe ask your husband what your SS17 favorite meal is and offer to cook it??? I can tell you hubby would love that.
Easy assumption here is that you don't care too much for the SS17, and further that it's probably deserved. But your husband would love that approach.
The knucklehead should still have mentioned it to you though. No excuse for that. After the meal, hopefully he graciously thanks you and you could mention that if you hadn't have by chance overheard you wouldn't have known he was coming.
I totally get it if you're looking for another wife's approach but I thought I would throw it up there anyway.
Thankyou for you comment, but
Thankyou for you comment, but sadly for SS17, I will never do anything for him ever again.
There is only so much kicking in the teeth a person can take. Ive cooked SS17 his fave food, only to have it binned in the past.
If you read my blogs, you would understand. SS17 is the one I have totally disengaged from.
Thankyou all so much for the
Thankyou all so much for the varied comments!! Its made me think a few things through, especially after SS19 turned up out of the blue last night! lol
The thing to me is its common courtesy to let the other adult who lives in the same house know if there are others visiting, whoever it is, especially if they are expecting food.
I myself would let my OH know if BD was coming to visit (when she is much older obviously!), I even do it when my mom is coming, I say "babe, my mom is popping up on such n such day, is that ok?" ALWAYS. I dont get that with anyone!
Its not that its going to be refused, its me being courteous enough to let my OH know that we will have guests in the home we share!!
Its correct, I dislike SS17. And I hear what some of you are saying regarding kids and permission and such. The difference???? My BD would NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS behave the way SS17 has, and still does, so therefore there will never be any angst anyway.
I shouldnt have to ask after overhearing a convo. on the phone. I should have been told when the phone was hung up after the convo.
Re "My Time", my OH KNOWS that these times are my times with my BD anyway. Its the SS's that dont pay any attention to what they are told.