"One of you should not suffer for the benefit of the other, even willingly, because when either of you suffer, one is gaining at the other's expense. If you both care about each other, you will not let the other suffer so that you can have what you want. When you are willing to let the other sacrifice for you, you are momentarily lapsing into a state of selfishness that must somehow be corrected before damage is done"
^^^Seems like a lot of the men I read about here could use this advice!
A ex-girlfriend of mine who I found some 30 years later on Facebook told me when I visited her and her husband that her uncle gave her some sage advise.
You should feel like you're putting in 60% of the effort while you feel he puts in 40% because if you ask him he'll probably think he's putting in 60. If you both do 60 your marriage has a chance. She's still married to her husband I guess 50 years by now.
>Choose the solution that is appealing to both of you. And if your brainstorming has not given you an answer that you can enthusiastically agree upon, go back to brainstorming.<
The problem that I (and others on this board) have had is that even after a solution is found that we both agree on. The step-parent in often put in the position of being the sole person responsible of enforcing whatever solution was agreed upon. ALL BETS ARE OFF if the skid is unhappy. Then anything that you and your mate have agreed upon gets thrown out the window...
Example:
Step 1) You are upset that skid does no chores around the house
Step 2) You and spouse agree that skid should do more chores.
Step 3) You are the only one chasing after skid to do chores.
Step 4) Skid whines, pouts, and cries.
Step 5) Spouse tells you to lay off the kid...
Step 6) Return to step 1
"One of you should not suffer
"One of you should not suffer for the benefit of the other, even willingly, because when either of you suffer, one is gaining at the other's expense. If you both care about each other, you will not let the other suffer so that you can have what you want. When you are willing to let the other sacrifice for you, you are momentarily lapsing into a state of selfishness that must somehow be corrected before damage is done"
^^^Seems like a lot of the men I read about here could use this advice!
A ex-girlfriend of mine who I
A ex-girlfriend of mine who I found some 30 years later on Facebook told me when I visited her and her husband that her uncle gave her some sage advise.
You should feel like you're putting in 60% of the effort while you feel he puts in 40% because if you ask him he'll probably think he's putting in 60. If you both do 60 your marriage has a chance. She's still married to her husband I guess 50 years by now.
>Choose the solution that is
>Choose the solution that is appealing to both of you. And if your brainstorming has not given you an answer that you can enthusiastically agree upon, go back to brainstorming.<
The problem that I (and others on this board) have had is that even after a solution is found that we both agree on. The step-parent in often put in the position of being the sole person responsible of enforcing whatever solution was agreed upon. ALL BETS ARE OFF if the skid is unhappy. Then anything that you and your mate have agreed upon gets thrown out the window...
Example:
Step 1) You are upset that skid does no chores around the house
Step 2) You and spouse agree that skid should do more chores.
Step 3) You are the only one chasing after skid to do chores.
Step 4) Skid whines, pouts, and cries.
Step 5) Spouse tells you to lay off the kid...
Step 6) Return to step 1