BM is taking a vacation
So my fiance called his xwife to talk about having his son on her weekend for our wedding. It's actually on a friday night and he will go back to her Saturday so it's not taking up her time at all, even if she wanted to change weekends.
So after he spoke to her about that, she drops the bomb that ohhhh by the way, I'm going to Bali in July for 2 weeks, can you take your son. I guess things are going well with the dude she met at yoga class, lol.
I know I posted earlier that my fiance asked if we kept SS12 for a week or so this summer and I later backed out of it because my fiance works nights and we have our wedding in august which is taking up so much time getting everything in order, I have no intention to watch his child for him while he is fast asleep because he works graves.
So now it looks like it's really happening, which leaves me with no choice but to get a summer job so then the grandparents get him. yipeee!! It's okay, I need the extra cash.
BM might as well have just asked me to watch him because his dad works 12 hour shifts with an hour commute, so there will be no "fun" time with them here. Fiances mom is so grandkid nuts that she is already texting me back that they can take the kid ...........LOL. I have no pull in this family at all because I don't have my own baby yet. I hope my mom doesn't act like this when she gets a grandkid....its disgusting. Well, I guess we'll see how this turns out, maybe I will go on vacation at that same time too and the kid can just play xbox all 2 weeks on mute since dad is asleep. Woohoo!!
No, of course he can. I am
No, of course he can. I am just bitching because I am the one at home that will make lunch and dinner and take care of his kid because he works 5pm to 5am. And I will get to do all the laundry. I don't want to have kid snot nosed kid in my house for 2 weeks. Every other weekend is enough, with all the running around to every sport game on the planet and practices. If I do decide to run off on my own vacation ....well it just makes my fiances time suck because he won't get any sleep and I don't think anyone wants to deal with a bitchy,angry,sleep deprived cop. He's not working hours that are "family" friendly.
when his kid is here I never feel like I am in my own home. I have to hide the bills, and always remember that anything we do or say will be used against us with the BM.
It is the right, indeed
It is the right, indeed required, that grandparents spoil grandchildren.
It's ludicrous that his kid would visit Daddy while Daddy works all night and sleeps all day. If Daddy isn't home then the kid should be with Mommy. If that means the kid comes over once a month or less because of work/school conflicts well that's what would happen if they were still an intact family.
What's the point of the kid being under the roof when Daddy sleeps?
My fiance gets 3 days off a
My fiance gets 3 days off a week and 4 the next, so those days are covered with my fiance being home ...but he then changes his sleep schedule to be awake days.
So BM can't afford to pay for the braces, but she can go to India? I really hope things work out for her and her boyfriend so she can calm down and be happy.
I believe he will have to stay with grandparents until my fiance has his weekend to then have him. I will not be available to drive him 3 hours round trip to take him to his practices or games.
My fiance is really upset with me that I threw a fit about this, but I am just not adjusting well to this step mom life. I have a terrible headache now.
Thanks for all your input
My heart breaks for you that
My heart breaks for you that is so sad. Both my nephew and niece were feared to have issues as though my SIL tried to have a overly healthy pregnancy there were circumstances she could not control. They had to start out with sign language for basic needs for both or the children both who now show no sign or issue and are the most out-spoken adorable messes you have ever seen. All grandparents (my SIL comes from a divorced home so mom,dad and stepmom [her mom divorced stepdad shortly before birth], my mom and stepdad stepped up to learn the basics with them and spoil them as much as they could until this day. My dad is estranged from both my brother and myself citing we don't communicate with him but I have provided many types of evidence of me trying to call and text, but you could and still see the hurt on my brothers face when something about dad gets brought up because it kills him to not have what he new as a wonderful dad until teenager years, and I knew as a wonderful dad in teenagers isn't involved.
It is amazing that so many
It is amazing that so many CPs think that they can dump their kids off on the NCPX at will. For some reason it is the NCPX that gets labeled as the deadbeat uninterested parent when it is the CP that is doing the dumping.
My answer in any situation like this would be NO! The CP can take vacation during the NCPs visitation time with the kid. If you let this crap happen once pretty soon the NCP is the beck and call resource for the CP when the CP does not feel like delivering on their parental responsibilities.
There are benefits and consequences for both CPs and NCPs once the CO is issued. CPs get CS money and the majority of the time with kids. NCPs get stuck paying CS and have limited time with the kids but they do get the advantage of court ordered enforceable visitations schedules and a lot of time to do what they want without the kids.
Were I an NCP I would not surrender any of that free time advantage and I would force the CP to adhere to MY schedule with the kids for any vacation the CP wants to take sans kid.
I guess I don't really
I guess I don't really understand why BM just didn't get a babysitter.. doesn't she have any family who can watch the kid?
We have SD full time and we (just DH and I) go on a vaca every year. We have never asked BM to watch skid or even told BM we were going on vacation. SD stays with DH's parents when we go away.
I could see if your DH actually didn't see skid that much & wanted to spend some extra time with him, but it sounds like that isn't the case.
I wouldn't let them push the kid off on you. It's your summer too and you are not a babysitter. If DH and/or BM can't keep the skid, they need to find a babysitter.
This summer, we were supposed to have SD every third week (2 weeks for BM, 1 week for us) since we had SD full time all school year. DH just sprung something on me the other day saying SD isn't going to be at BM's that much this summer.. I guess he is trying to go back on our arrangement because he doesn't want to go 2 weeks without seeing SD.. puke.. guess who will be going on lots of day trips this summer! (me)
I am assuming that BM didn't
I am assuming that BM didn't ask her own mom first because BM claims to be working summer school to pay for the trip to India, so I am assuming that SS12 will be with BM's mom all day while BM is at work. I don't really know how this will pan out. I feel like if we take him for an extended amount of time, it needs to be on my fiances days off. I will not see the TV for the entire time he's here, so there...instant babysitter. All we will have on TV is sports games or xbox games.
Plus as of now we just do everything BM wants. We are walking on eggshells hoping a court date won't be soon. She's been nothing but a wretch for two years now, playing games all the time. Hiding SS12 from us when we go to school to pick him up, he's not there. She gives him permission to go to a friends house then doesn't tell us where the friend lives. Demands my fiances financial information to give to the orthodontist because she can't wait to let fiance give her a check after she pays othro, cant afford it. That was nuts....demanded his debit card account. She compeltely went behind my fiances back to set up the ortho to begin with, and claims her medical insurance which covers only about 30% is her HALF. What does my fiance do? Spineless....just says okay, its not about the money, its about how u demanded it from me. She just laughs and says he doesn't want to pay for anything.
Why should I watch a kid that
Why should I watch a kid that isn't mine when his father sleeps days and works 12.5 hour shift then an hour commute home/to work??? He can stay at either grandparents house when my fiance is working and when he has his time off which is either 3 days a week or 4 days a week, then sure of course he will be here. But I am not going to cook and clean up after him while she goes on a trip. The point is for him to be with his dad, not his future step mom who he see's as a big sister. I have no idea why you are saying that I am playing games .....the game of keeping house? We'll be married in less than 3 months now, I'm still working out my part in this family to be. It's my first house, and the first time I've lived with a man, let alone a 12 year old boy. I am kinda stressed out.
I believe when this first was asked of me I was in a full panic and now the storm has blown over and I am happy that my fiances mom offered to take him while my fiance works. Or maybe I take this as a time to bond with him , who knows. But I will not be driving 3 hour round trips for any basketball games, that's for sure. It's 2 months away and I have more time to think about it. futureDH and I have already spoken about setting up chores for him to do here so when he is here every other weekend it's not a vacation away from mom's. So far he helps mow the lawn and pull weeds. I just really need him to keep the bathroom clean and take his own dishes to the dishwasher. If he can do that successfully, I think he should get an allowance for helping me clean the bird cages.
Thanks for your reply. FDH is
Thanks for your reply.
FDH is in law enforcement and they pick their time off a year ahead of time. They do not get time off whenever they want unless they call in sick, so it's not an option for him to just take a week or two off in July unfortunately. If he could take time off, then I wouldn't have even been posting about it.
FDH leaves to work at around 3:30pm, then doesn't get home until 6:30am (maybe falls asleep at 7:30am), and then sleeps until about 1:30-2pm. That leaves not even 2 hours for him to spend with his son when he is here.
So you can see with that timeline, why I was originally SO upset. That leaves me with his son entirely until FDH has his weekend.
Yeah I'm selfish, I work really hard to keep this home clean and nice and have my own things I like to do, and it's been really hard trying to open up my FIRST home to a 12 year old who isn't mine and who constantly makes messes and can't clean up after himself. My world has been turned up side down and I'm trying to flip it back up.
I'm just so tired, I've been sick for 3 weeks straight and it's not letting up, it's probably all the stress. And like I said, I wouldn't have even posted this if FDH could take time off work.
About to CO, yea BM is really out of line hiding her son from my FDH and is wrong about how the braces were paid for but, FDH let her get away with it.
The first time FDH asked me about ss12 staying with us was just because it was summer and he wasn't in school, then we talked about how on days he worked, I would be the babysitter and I didn't think that was right since he was there to be with his dad. Then that was kinda the end of that idea, and would probably have just had him on extended weekends when he has his 4 day weekends. Then FDH called BM a few weeks after that to ask if he could have SS12 on our wedding day since it's her weekend, and that's when she was like yea thats fine, but I am going to Bali and need someone to take him.
I hope this makes more sense, thanks for reading.