Need Advice/Backup - Stretching - Ready to Run
My girlfriend and her 6 yr old daughter finally moved out. I am free of step parenting. One of the hardest jobs ive had.
But she wont leave me alone. She wants to get married and have a kid. Im 28 years old now. We dated for over 2 years. Lived together for one.
She WONT stop bothering me to move back in and get married.
I hear this doesn't get any easier as the skid grows up. My resentment towards her kid has grown, whenever i think about her i just get an uneasy, unhappy, tight chest feeling. I never wanted a life like this.
We are broken up and I am free but she wont let it go and leave me alone. Makes me feel bad. I treated her and her 6 year old phenomenal. I couldn't take it anymore. The bio dad, the constant annoyance. We had her 24/7 all days a week.
I laugh when people on here think every other weekend is bad. Try every day!
Anyways im sad and depressed and need strength to walk away from this. Im already out of it but she wont just stop and let me go.....I don't like who i have become in this. I am bitter and losing motivation for life. I was not like this when I started dating her. I think step parenting has brought out a sad side of me. 
.
Step parenting can bring out a bad side of people. I feel like if i stayed i would become a much different person. Not one I like.....
I mean it doesn't get easier right? I have my whole life ahead of me. I can find a wife and have one of my own and not deal with her and fransico's kid. I hate the fact my future wife has a kid already.
Long rant done....any help or anything would be appreciated. You really helped on my last post back in January. I finally have my place and my life back!
"I hate the fact my future
"I hate the fact my future wife has a kid already."
So are you still going to marry her? I'm confused.
I don't think I can. This is
I don't think I can. This is one of the hardest things I have been through...were not engaged she just talks about it allll the time. As of now were broken up.
Have the strength to walk
Have the strength to walk away and DO NOT be manipulated by this woman! I didn't have that kind of strength and now I have no idea who I am anymore. Being a step parent has brought out the worst in me. I'm shocked at how resentful and full of hate I am now after 6 yrs of this torture! You will become the same. Get away from this situation now and don't ever date someone if they have a kid. It will only make you question whether you should compromise yourself for "love." Don't do it.
Yeah she is manipulating me
Yeah she is manipulating me to stay with her...
I already disengaged back in october because her daughter said she had thoughts of wanting to kill me so her dad and mum can be together.
That was kinda my last straw and told her I wanted them out and be done....yes ive been manipulated for a little while.
I will read your blog and get
I will read your blog and get back to you piratemom!
I'm confused too. Your bio
I'm confused too.
Your bio reads a bit like a dating profile (age, height, weight). Never seen that before.
Bio
M/27
175 lbs
5'10
And previous posts by you start with a self-described attribute as "Good looking successful guy."
http://www.steptalk.org/node/170573
Are you looking for step advice or a date?
Sorry yes that is tacky. Idk
Sorry yes that is tacky. Idk what I was thinking there. Changed it
Thank you cat....some good
Thank you cat....some good advice. I appreciate it.
On my last post many moms gave me similar advice.
I will try to just have no contact....if you still answer calls and texts it seems to never end...
Thanks Echo. Your the best. I
Thanks Echo. Your the best. I remember you from my old posts....
I will keep you posted....Im
I will keep you posted....Im thinking of going far up north this weekend for memorial day....might be a good getaway...
Yeah I think any relationship is hard to end.....i suck at it. I guess I never had a breakup involving a kid and dog and living with someone....thanks for your support
^^^ This. You have to
^^^ This.
You have to completely ignore her 100%. Don't give her anything. She will misread any communication you have with her. Even if you text and her say "stop texting me", that's just fueling her.
Also understand that she is probably hurt that you left her, and I bet she will play that card soon, and try to make you feel bad that you left her. Don't get sucked in.
If you are truly done with her then change your phone number, move, do whatever you have to do in order to cut off contact with her.
It will be hard but we are all here for you!
Chin up! You can do it!
Yeah shes def taking the dog.
Yeah shes def taking the dog. He hates it there and cries all night and is a pain for her.
Im hoping she gets sick of him and gives him back....but i think shes doing it to prove a point....i did buy him for her i guess....
It's kinda sad one of the reasons I stayed so loong was for that dog....
Why is she pushing you so
Why is she pushing you so hard to get married?
You wrote in your OP that you've broken up and you are free.
Did she get that memo? :?
That brought a bit of tears
That brought a bit of tears to my eyes. I hope you find the strength to be who you truly are and not let the step thing change you. You sound lovely. Try to brush it off all the feelings about the skids and the trials you face. If we had a child I would prob stay forever and deal with whatever changes it would make in me. Stay with it and you are doing the right thing!
I did everything I could in this situation and helped those two immensly. I will try to stay strong as well and let them move on.
Sorry Captain I'm not buying
Sorry Captain I'm not buying it. It sounds to me like you love that she is trying to get back with you. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Unless she is a gun toteting crazy stalker there should be no reason why it is so hard to get rid of her. She has moved out now it's time for you to move on.
Well I am not loving any of
Well I am not loving any of this. I am really bad at hurting people. Relationships are hard to end when kids are involed with everything else....
I think the advice to just cut all contact is the way too go...its the only way
I thought it was ended that
I thought it was ended that is why she moved out? The "hard" part is over. I am just not getting it.
I don't want to speak for
I don't want to speak for Captain but it seems obvious to me that even though he has broken up with her, he still cares for her. I mean, when I broke it off with my ex-wife, it felt like I was cutting off a limb, except I didn't cut the limb with a sharp knife. I cut it off with a dull spoon thinking it would be less painful.
Draco - What I took from his
Draco - What I took from his post was that he was looking for a way to get this woman to stop bothering him. I am not saying breaking up with anyone is easy just that they have already done this part to quote from his post
"We are broken up and I am free but she wont let it go and leave me alone"
Yeah of course I care for her
Yeah of course I care for her and a slight feeling towards her daughter. I just feel like I let them down. The resentment destroyed a lot of "love" i had for her. And the whole ex dad and kid thing just really did change my core as someone put it. Glad that resonates with a few of you.
You hit the nail on the head. Thats exactly how I feel. Ive been cutting this off with a dull spoon.
I probably need a breakup site or relationship site....this is the only place I knew...
You didn't let them down.
You didn't let them down. Your exGF is letting HER CHILD down by acting so graspy and desperate- not what a girl needs to see in her mom. Change your number, be free of the guilt, and move on.
I'm sorry I can not be
I'm sorry I can not be supportive to you. You have been debating this relationship for some time now and now that it is over I really feel like you are greiving a relationship that never was. 24 months is a blink of an eye and for at least the last 7 months you have been unsure of it. Stop being a victim and cut ties already. She is gone with her child and that is what you wanted. I commend you for seeing the problems early, but don't go back. If you really want to sever ties with her then you will.
You don't need any site. You
You don't need any site. You need time. You feel lousy now, and it is totally understandable. A lot of us have been through this. Six weeks from now, you will still feel lousy, but at least you will be in a different place. Six months from now you won't feel anything and you will be in a happy place. Six years from now, you will be happy and in a happier place.
This is correct. But the time
This is correct. But the time doesn't start when you move out. The time starts when you cut off all contact.
Exactly! Going back and
Exactly! Going back and forth like this isn't doing anyone any good.
I would agree. Thank you
I would agree. Thank you Draco for understanding...
Patsy I understand why you don't support my decisions. i have been dragging this on for far too long.
But many people I have spoken too always had plans on leaving, even set dates they would be gone. For some reason it can trap you in again so please try to help the people who can't just up and leave.
I understand what you mean though and I needed to hear that. After a while you just can't support someone who can't make up their mind....
It only gets easier when you
It only gets easier when you actually remove her from your life.
Tell her to stop calling you, stop contacting you, go away.
If she refuses, file for a restraining order. Don't tell her first, just DO IT. Because if you tell her you're going to file trust me, SHE will run down and file first claiming that YOU won't leave HER alone.
I agree with the previous
I agree with the previous posters. If you're not happy being with her, than you're not happy. That's not going to change. Eliminate all contact--the sooner the better so you can both move on and find happiness, wherever that may be.
Until you truly move past
Until you truly move past this woman and her spawn remember, wrap it before you tap it and if there is no glove there is no love. You do not want a child with this woman by "accident".
Others have talked about the pain of a break up and moving on.
I have what I call the Rags three day rule. It hurts the worst for the first three days after a break up. Then every day after #3 it hurts a bit less until eventually it is nothing more than an unpleasant memory that crops up on a rare occasion.
The key is that if you re-engage even a little bit it all starts over again.
This is an unequivocal law of relationship physics as proven my testing of this truth repeatedly in my own life.
You are gone, block her number from your mobile, block her from social media, etc... and commit to moving on. You will rediscover the CaptainObvious that you like being.
After my toxic adulterous whore of an XW ran off with her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar daddy I spent quite a bit of time and effort on rediscovering the Rags I like being. I kept seeing the therapist that my XW and I had been seeing for the last 7mos of our marriage. The process was a bit like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon. As I came out of that ugly phase of my life and started stretching my wings even the Doc told me that she never would have suspected that I had such a childlike zest for life. On our last session she told me I was welcome to keep seeing her but that she felt I was fine and that it was time for me to step out on my own to enjoy my life's journey.
So I did.
I met an amazing young woman 4 years after my divorce was final. She is truly my muse, sunshine, and soul mate. We will celebrate our 20th anniversary in a couple of months. Sure, we had some struggles with the whole blended family, skid, toxic opposition thing but our son (my SS) is doing great in the USAF and is a self supporting viable adult, and my bride and I are having an amazing life adventure now that we are empty nesters. My Skid's Sperm Clan continues to wallow in their toothless moron idiocy and the Sperm Idiot is continuing to add more out of wedlock spawn to that shallow and polluted gene pool.
As for my XW ...... she is on DH #3 (I was first! Woo Hoo!) :sick: has 3 out of wedlock children and has struggled with federal felony legal issues and with major civil issues over her toxic bullshit.
One key element of my ability to move on to an increasingly amazing life is that I never spawned with my XW. To realize the possibility of moving on to your own amazing post GF/SD life avoiding spawning with this woman is critical IMHO.
Karma works and you will have an amazing life if you commit to being the guy you enjoy being and not the less than confident guy that your relationship with this toxic woman and her spawn has turned you in to. At least that is how it worked for me.
All IMHO of course.
Stay the course, leave the baggage behind and move on.
Take care of yourself.
Good luck.
@Rags Wow. that is a truly
@Rags
Wow. that is a truly beautiful story. It's still hard. I am lonely now. That is to be expected for a while.
I would love to cocoon out of this situation with GF/SD and evolve into a healthy relationship with my soulmate. The whole reason I left is I cant stand SD and her BioDad. I didn't imagine my life being with the two of them. Every post on this forum I can relate too. We had her 24/7.
Life has its ups and downs. I am hoping I can still find that one to complete me. Moving on from this step parent role has been the hardest relationship challenge of my life.
I wish you good luck sir and happy you are empty nesters! Enjoy it. Send out a prayer to the man above for old captain and I will do the same for you.
I will try to STAY STRONG and STAY AWAY.
CO, Take care of yourself as
CO,
Take care of yourself as you move on and recover. Every time you re-engage with this woman you reset the 3 day rule I discussed earlier which only delays your moving on and makes the process that much longer and more difficult. IMHO of course.
In my case for the 3ish years following my divorce before I met my amazing bride I dated... profusely. Not necessarily women that were mate material but women who were enjoyable to spend time with. I built my confidence during that 3ish years and when I met my bride I was firmly re-established as the Rags I like being. When I met my wife I was already dating 2 amazing women and any of the three of them would have been fine marriage partners. My bride was just a cut above and glowed every time I laid eyes on her.
Fortunately the fact that we both agreed that we were life partners and parenting partners. I did not eliminate women with children from my dating pool following my divorce but it may be something to consider. Particularly if any mothers that you date would take exception to having a life partner participate as an equity parent to children in the picture.
All IMHO.
Sincerely,