Anyone else have trouble leaving and put it off till you are too far in?
I posted a few weeks ago my situation. Girlfriend and SD6 have been living with me for 10 months. We have been dating over 2 years. I am tired of my nights and life revolving around SD6. I resent this situation. I am to the point where I am a few years off from even considering marrying into this situation. I am 28 years old now and I am lost. Why is this blended family problem so hard? I want kids so badly and more so a partner for life. There is no return in this for me. Our romantic relationship is null, I dont not like her kid but I dont feel she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. She thinks her kids is gods gift to the world, much like most parents. I wish they had never moved in with me but I am glad they did before we were married.
I was wondering and have read many posts where people gave a date when they will end the relationship and leave but that date passes and another and another until eventually they are in it for life. I hear the little skid will only get worse in her teenage years. I must run. Talks have been underway but I think I just have to tell her she would be better off finding someone who can complete her family dream. Anyone have similar situations? I hate the fact the kid talks about her jail bait dad who is good for nothing. Need support.
Yes we have talked about it
Yes we have talked about it and tomorrow we are revisiting it to see if I am happier and more comfortable at home. We gave it two weeks of a good try and now we are revisiting it. I think I just have to break the news but am having trouble. You seem to know as well as I that you were thinking of leaving and you didnt. Its hard when you care bout the person! Just another lovely dynamic of the blended family. Thanks you keekeedee....
The answer is quite simple,
The answer is quite simple, you may think its not, but it is.
Do whatever you have/want to do, for YOU. Not for anyone or anything else. Just do it for YOU. You'r not married and haven't seemed to mentally made the commitment of someone else being more important to you than your own self, and that's perfectly normal and not to be ashamed of.
Do whatever the hell makes you happy, man. Yea, if you break it off, its going to hurt her, and its going to hurt you. But rest assured, its not going to hurt for the next twelve years like it will staying in a relationship where you are unhappy. And then, only with the hopes of the child leaving at 18 like keekee said, and at that point the damage done to your marriage will be irreversible and most likely end anyway.
It sucks man, it does. But again, do what you gotta do, for YOU. Best of luck to you.
Thanks man. Yes I needed to
Thanks man. Yes I needed to hear that, it would hurt a lot more over the next 12 or 15 or however many years, god forbid her daughter get pregnant that would hurt more. Relationships are hard enough to break up, then with a little kid involved it gets that much harder. Add in the school district she would have to move, get new friends. Its all just overwhelming. Thanks for not ripping on me.
Well yes the kid throws many
Well yes the kid throws many tantrums, wont go to bed, very loud morning and night. Part of that is the grandparents helped raise her.
After two years im spent, I have resentment, our relationship has suffered already, at least from my point of view. I find it odd but sort of true, it's not that I don't like her existence lol. That seems so wrong. But I am sure many step parents would rather not have the skids around. Its hard to think of your partner for life having this connection and child with someone else. Its hard for a man to accept another mans kid.
I guess I am just finding how hard this blended family thing is. My other grew up in a blended family so it is all normal to her. But me, not so much. I mean we got a dog and she would hide the dog or be cruel to it or stuff it somewhere it could barely breath. Why? Because we gave it too much attention. Which in her case is any attention.
What happens now if we have a kid of our own? I see the problems here and the problems I feel continue to mount.
She is well off without me and has great grandparents for support. Yes I agree give it a timeline to move out. How the heck can you live in the same house though when that looms over your head?
I guess you are
I guess you are right.....maybe I just cannot be with someone who already has a kid with someone else.....but my Dad says if it was the right kid that shouldnt matter.
I suppose another thing I
I suppose another thing I might add, and I know it doesn't work for everyone. But you entered the relationship with your lady, not her daughter. Some people will tell you that "oh well, you knew she had a child when you met her, get over it" but that's not the point. If you read through these forums, there are hundreds of people that are, at least, relatively happy with their partner, and don't recognize the stepchildren as theirs, or participate much in their lives, and that is called "Disengaging from the stepchildren"
Now, that's not to say you're not present in the child's life for basic necessities, and not everyone and every spouse is understanding of that, its just that you are disengaged.
On the other hand, it somewhat sounds like its her parenting that you don't agree with either, which explains to me some of the SD's actions that you spoke about. If she doesn't consider your feelings enough to take the time to discipline the child consistently and properly for things that upset you, then its her issue, not yours.
Read up on Disengaging from Stepchildren, just Google it. You may find it helpful to try during your two week period that you guys are going to try to figure things out. Basically, you just go on about your business day to day, of course acknowledge and be the spouse you want to be to your lady, but the extent of your parenting to the stepchild basically begins and ends at making sure the child doesn't physically harm herself or anyone/anything.
I don't have any experience in the disengaging, but since you mentioned the 2 week break, thought it was worth mentioning to maybe try during that period, maybe it will work for you guys, maybe it wont, but at this point it doesn't sound like you have much to lose in trying.
At the end of the day, things will work out for ya, either with or without her, ya know.
RUN. You'll always be a
RUN. You'll always be a second class citizen and as soon as the kid figures it our even the kid will treat you that way.
Just tell your girlfriend that you're sorry, it was a mistake, and its best ended as soon as possible. All of which is true. Fast simple and leave. If she starts to cry walk faster. The sooner you're out of sight the sooner she'll recover.
If you are having these
If you are having these feelings now, they won't change. It will only get worse.
I would like to thank you all
I would like to thank you all for your support. I wish I had never got involved knowing what it means when your significant other already has kids. sigh. I like notasm comment. I just dont think i have it in me anymore, the CS, visitation, an ex, court dates, spawn of someone else. Well we are all victims of our own doing.
She said "the ball is in my court, if i feel that her and her kid don't fit into what i want my family mold to be like they will leave with no hurt feelings." That's hard to hear.
Its the feeling of caring deeply about the other person while going insane at the same time. Life of a stepparent...I will update when further results come in. Operation Freedom is go.