My first bit of advice, is to not have your Sd call you Mom. You aren't her mom, even though we do all the things that their moms do, it's not your title to have. So, if it's a sticking point with BM, you need to let it go. It's not hurting your SD to have her mom correct her and explain that she has ONE MOM and ONE DAD.

I'm hoping your fiancé has a lawyer to help him fight the assault charges. Surely, there would be some paper trail of the boyfriend seeking medical attention if he was punched. A detailed review of the video would probably clear this up. He needs to use whatever limited parenting time he gets in the meantime and it might actually be better for the whole situation if he goes alone to these visits without you.

She's only two. If he's smart about this and keeps his cool, and fights back in court while stepping up his parenting time, she will be too young to remember any of this ever happening. I'd suggest you have no communication with the BM and let your fiancé handle all of the necessary communications.

I understand your feelings on the matter but it's clearly an issue with the BM. Simple solution, stop forcing the issue of her calling you Mom. You aren't her mom and by the court's definition, you have zero legal rights to the child. She's two, it doesn't matter how smart she is. You can love and care for her and teach her all the same stuff while she calls you by your name or by some fun nickname y'all come up with.

It's not alienation for her BM to correct her when she calls you mom. Like the previous poster said, you need to minimize the conflict with this type of high-conflict BM. This is an easy way for you to do so.

If you and your boyfriend were to break up or he died, your relationship with SD will end. However, your relations with your son will continue. Why? Because your son is your child but SD isn't.

The only connection you have to SD is through her father. If that tie is broken, then your connection to her over.

Why is BM fighting so hard for full custody? What reasons does she state in her filings that her daughter should have her father in her day-to-day life?

If BM is so OK with it, why do you think she's correcting your SD?

You claim they have a court order for 50-50 parenting, so why the sudden blow up? Were there previous claims of violence? What happened to suddenly cause the 50-50 plan to no longer be the best option for the child according to BM?

Maybe BM isn't the crazy one in this situation.

Just because you will be ok with your son calling another woman mommy, doesn't mean BM has to or should be fine with it.

I come from an abusive background and I have never abused my kids. they know that they are my heart and soul and I would never hurt them. if your fdh is so worried that bm will abuse his daughter because she was abused, perhaps he shouldn't have chose to impregnate a woman who was abused as a child. she doesn't deserve to lose her daughter just because the 2 of you have decided that she is likely to abuse her because of her own abusive parents. that is beyond ridiculous to expect a court to remove the child because even though bm did nothing wrong, she was abused as a kid. :?

Your role as "mommy" can replaced in the blink of an eye sweety.

I said I wasn't going to post since my split and demise of a step-parent but you make me want to.

Yes, skids can call sparents mom or dad. I will say outloud I will sometimes refer to my stepdad as dad but guess what I am a grown adult, I made that choice it wasn't shoved down my throat because he got his feelings hurt...and guess what if I ever had my bio-dad and stepdad in a room together again guess who would get called by their first name? That's right it's my stepdad and it wouldn't hurt his feeling he encourages it out of respect for my sperm donor despite all of the hurt he has caused me.

The step-daughter is not "your daughter" I promise you didn't want to be there while you boyfriend was banging the bio-mom? I bet you don't want to even think about that but that is what makes her THEIR daughter and not yours unless you one day legally adopt her - which sorry chick doesn't sound like it is going to happen.

My SS was never my child and guess what one day my ex woke up and decided I wasn't a good enough stepmother, you think I will ever see him again unless it's the grocery store? You think BM would let me see him? No! But that kid still has my heart and the fact I did everything for him and I cuddled him while us cried while his mom was to busy means absolutely nothing. Take it from someone who sacrificed everything and lost the family in the blink of an eye....Dtzy can attest to this as I talked to her privately about the situation for MONTHS!

Women like you are the reason I am happy OCC could say thank god I was one of the one who got out without a child. I would go nuts if I had a baby and my ex decided it was thier child.

50/50 doesn't mean anything when if you disappear that child will eat up the lack of boundaries simply because you are gone.

You really need to listen to the advice on here. We are not trying to be mean but we have all been there.

Putting the Mom title issue on hold for a moment, since you aren't going to listen to us anyway.

You said earlier he has supervised visits yet now you say that the 50-50 is still in place. Which is it?
What has he done to document her refusal to abide by the 50-50 court order if that's still in place?

Why does the BM think dad shouldn't have any parenting time with the child? Why is she fighting for full custody? You said it's been going on for years, I'm trying to see how to help your BF with the actual court case but can't figure out what he's actually fighting against.

So BIO DAD here and WOW you guys are bitter, mean women!

My fiance posted on here looking for some support and advice and (save for a few posts) all she got was attacked for calling herself mom. I dont know what made you guys think you are all high a mighty and that your opinion is the only one that matters but news flash, its not.

secondly, Both myself and my ex GREW UP calling our step parents Mom and Dad, we did not make this decision when we were adults we made this decision when we were young children and stand by this decision to this day. It is actually the norm where we live, I dont know if its different where you live, but if you are doing all the same hard work as a birth mom, raising a kid, teaching them new things, molding them into who they will be in the future, Being there for them through thick and thin and also setting rules and following through and your parents see you as a parental figure then you are a mom/dad. My fiance has known me for almost a decade, she is an amazing person and has been an active person in our daughters life since she was only 4 months old. She has helped her learn to walk (she was there for her first steps), talk, count, and just recently was right in there helping her learn to potty train.

third. If you actually knew anything about family law (again maybe its different where you are than from where we are) than there are a few things you should know which is sounds like none of you do. Firstly it is frowned upon by the judges when a bio parent (mom or dad) tries to discourage a child from calling a step parent mom or dad. It is actually seen as mild child abuse (alienation). ALSO step parents do have legal rights and responsibilities. If our daughter is in the care of my fiance and something happens... guess what there are repercussions. Also if something were to happen to me, my fiance can apply for shared custody as she is a parental figure.

fourth. This thread had nothing to do with any of that. and for people to come on here and attack her for it is sickening. calling her crazy is disgusting. She is a hurting person who loves and misses the child she has helped raise. This isnt high school. Bullying someone and attacking someone is not ok. and especially not when it is clear they are already upset. Those of you who attacked her should be ashamed of yourselves.

and lastly. to those who are making assumptions about our lives and attacking us...how dare you. We are loving caring parents. I had a child with someone who should not have had children, it was unplanned and it sucks we are now in this situation but we love our daughter with all our hearts and would not change that. ALSO none of what is going on has to do with our daughter calling my fiance mom. What this has to do with is a woman who wants all the control and all the say in raising her child and refuses to accept that despite what she may think she is not the only person who is important to our childs life.

This thread has served no purpose but to show that there are some real mean people in the world. And apparently they frequent steptalk.org

If you cannot accept that you are not her mother then how do you think the bio mother is going to react?

You're a mother - how would you react to all of this if the tables were turned?

Until you can accept that you are powerless the drama will never end because you're constantly stirring the drama pot. This girl has two parents not four, support your man behind the scenes but stay out of it otherwise.

You're dead wrong and frankly causing much of the problem. Get out of the mix and let the bio-parents sort it out.

Dear Lord!! Crew for sure!! If this is actually real..then I dead set feel so sorry for that 2 year old..!

I started laughing when I saw Op's bf don his knight in shining armour gear and leap in to defend her.. good bloody grief man! Get with the goddamn program and realise that your daughter has ONE MOM and ONE DAD - others are nothing but steps! Sheesh!!!!!!!

I understand completely where you are coming from, I've raised and spent more time with SD more than BM or DH, mainly because I'm a stay at home wife/stepmother. But when people tell you that you are not her mother, they're only saying that to help you. It hurts to hear we will never be our skids biological parents, but it's true. It'll help a hell of a lot to accept that aspect and be the best bonus mom you can be. Also, just from personal experience using WE in court rooms will get you ran out of the room, and will only benefit BM. Courts solely look at the biological mom and dad only. We don't matter in the courtroom, so try not to keep using WE/OUR or at least keep it behind closed doors. I feel your pain, I really do. My advice isn't to hurt your feelings it's to help you in the long run keep your own sanity and help you as I've walked in those shoes. Your SD is only 2, they'll be a lot more shit to pile through so either put on your knee-high boots or walk out the door before marriage.
But for your sake, don't send your lover on here bashing everyone else, if a dozen people have given you the same advice..I'd think about taking it. This site is to support, but support doesn't mean sugar coat, as a young stepmother, I'm a better SM because of the upfront critics I've gotten from people on here with far more experience than me.

coming in late on this but I feel I can close this court case.

pretty sure Mom was off her meds at some point prior to being knocked up, and you felt it ok to have a baby with her. and pls dont give me the shit excuse that she wasnt diagnosed. bipolar doesnt spring up one day out of the blue, it is always obvious something is off.

now she is crazy and bipolar which equates to: i think me and my wife or me and my husband can raise her so much better. let me explain this to you. that may be true. but this kid has a relationship and loves her momma. it is her mom. you may be able to raise her but you will never love her, and have a bond with her like her mother.. her crazy ass bipolar mother, the kid doesnt care that she is bipolar. and neither did your dh when he knocked her up.

case dismissed

Let me get this straight, we're bitter by helping you? Giving advice? Experiences? Oh, it must been tough living in your clearly rose colored world where everyone is out to get you.
It doesn't matter if it's okay to the damn queen of England that your fiancé's daughter calls you mom, it's NOT okay to that child's MOTHER so back down! Good gracious.

The only thing I'm bitter about at the moment is that I may or may not have eaten some questionable Chinese food tonight. See you when you've actually been MARRIED to your fiancé for a substantial amount of time and you're back here apologizing to us "bitter women". Can't promise there won't be a "I told you so".

How did I miss this post? Is this even real?

Another immature girlfriend getting pissy because we're telling her truths she doesn't want to hear.

I am sick and tired of these brats coming onto this board solely to have their egos stroked.

To make it worse, this one had her boyfriend go bat guano on us.

Bitter women. No asshat....we are seasoned veterans that have walked down this gilded path already. We are giving excellent advice to your clueless little girfirend who doesn't know when to back the eff off of small details so you are able to focus on the important matters.

I feel sorry for the child being treated like a Stretch Armstrong because the adults in her life are nothing but immature fidiots.

I should have read it all first, no point in even trying.

I can't believe she was able to get a CAS worker to answer the phone and get a prompt response. DSO would leaves messages every day and will be lucky to get a call back within 2 weeks.

Look, we're just trying to help you. Almost all of us have been where you are, thinking we could be a "parent" because we read and watch all those gooey movies and stories of stepparents being better than the real parents and the kids coming around and realizing that family doesn't mean blood and etc.

Heck, some of us may have even been part of those stories. But this does NOT WORK with a high conflict BM.

An ADULT man calls me "mom" because in the four years DH and I have known him, we've been more parents to him than his ever have. He introduced me to his biomom as his mom (awkward), so I get where you're coming from. You did all the work, the kid wants to acknowledge you, and you feel like you love and can be another parental figure to this kid and now these people on this site are telling you that not only do you not deserve the title, but you should refuse the title. That hurts. I know.

We're doing it for your own good, for those who have been through this over and over and over again, and we found that with high conflict BM's, for the child's sake, you don't push in a department that can be let go. For the child's sake. What would a true parent do, one who loved this kid even if they are not their parent? They would do whatever they can to reduce the drama (without sacrificing their safety or the sanctity of their home, of course) and if that means giving up the title of "mom" then so be it.

If the baby grows up into an adult and decides they want to call you mom, that's their choice. When they can STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES against their bioparent, that's when you allow it. Not a moment before. Because they will be the ones caught in this crossfire. If you love them, you will protect them from that.

The title, in the grand scheme of things, mean nothing. The bonds you form are what's most important.