Ugh...watching that acct!
DH ended up not getting SD15 until today at noon from BM's. I called DH and I asked what he planned on doing the rest of the day, and he said maybe go to the mall! WTH? I told him flat out...no mall! He said, "I didn't say we had to spend money!" I was like, "Yeah, right! You can't take SD15 to the mall!! She can't go and just not spend money! She suddenly needs things...like shorts, or belts, or gauges." DH actually started getting snippy with me! Like how dare I deny his princess what she "needs"! I reminded him of BS19's college and that we need propane very soon (hot water, stove, and dryer are on propane). DH continued to sound very annoyed with me for saying no mall. I'm supposed to call him after I'm done with lunch before I go back into my seminar.
I pointed out that SD15 needed to clean her room before going back to BM's on Tuesday. DH claimed that she had all day Monday to do that, and that SD15 had already started on it before going to BM's this week...she was doing that all last weekend. Really? Then why didn't she do a single load of laundry, not one bag of trash came out of there, and last I saw, it is still trashed!
All I know is they better not go behinds back and go shopping! They do, I may just have to cancel his car payment! Oh, it didn't get paid? Well, maybe you shouldn't have spent your money on SD15 at the mall, because I sure as hell didn't give you permission to spend mine!
Call your cards in , say you
Call your cards in , say you lost them.
So far no bank activity. But
So far no bank activity. But the fact that he was bothered by me saying no mall and pointing out fact? I mean, how can he not notice that anytime we take SD15 to any kind of store, she suddenly "needs" something? Nail polish, some article of clothing or pair of shoes...gauges! Seriously...she "needed" gauges! Not "I want this kind of gauges" but literally said she NEEDED them! She NEEDS everything!
I think you need to give DH a
I think you need to give DH a list of real 'needs'. Tampons/ pads, Suave shampoo/conditioner (no big brands), acetaminophen/ ibuprofen, a book about the history of the USA, 1 comb (less than $2), trash bags, room deodorizer. Anything else is a 'want' including belts and clothing and gauges (for her ears? ewww!). Oh and add Clearasil face cleaner.
Anyone whom I cannot trust
Anyone whom I cannot trust with my money doesn't have access to it.
Why does he have the ability to spend your money? Why are you paying his car payments? I know from past Threads you've started he's not working or not earning much but under those circumstances he does not make spending decisions.
Cancel any cards of yours that he has and get them re-issued in your name only. Better yet maybe he would do better at growing up and taking care of himself if he was out on his own.
He works, I just make 50%
He works, I just make 50% more than he does. Difference between a degree and certifications, and not. I don't provide the money for his car payment, but I do the work to make sure everything gets paid, as DH is terrible with money management (as is obvious).
It is time to separate accounts...I agree. At the very least!
BS19 is my bio...DH adopted
BS19 is my bio...DH adopted him...so technically, DH is equally responsible. SD15 is DH's from previous. I still have basically provided for BS19 and BD23 (BD23 takes care of herself now, but I still have her on my cell phone...want to make sure she has a lifeline home if she is in trouble as she is unmarried). BS19's parent college loan is all me...DH isn't even an endorser.
I love DH dearly. When SD15 isn't around, things are really good. But when the princess is in the castle, it is more about her being happy than anything! When I don't do something for SD15 that I did for my bios (because it is something I expect DH and/or BM to do), I get griped at for not treating the kids the same! But when it comes down to SD15 having attitude or getting in trouble, then it becomes double standard...she isn't expected to face even the same consequences that my bios faced for less trouble! BD23 was caught drinking at 17...she lost her bedroom door (because she snuck out), her computer, her phone, TV privs, etc. SD15 has been caught drinking, smoking pot, sneaking out (all started at 13), and the worst she has gotten was certain numbers blocked on her phone and 2 weeks if no internet...and she hasn't been punished for each occurrence...most of the time she gets the talk. At the same time...BD23 and BS19 rarely had extras paid for them without something in return. BD23 wanted makeup or nail polish, she did stuff around the house to earn allowance, or did odd jobs to earn money (babysitting, dog walking...and she got a regular allowance for watching BS19 after school when he was younger). DH doesn't think that SD15 should do anything, and he doesn't make BM doing anything, either (she pays no support). DH tries to promise SD15 things like we will take her on a cruise with us, and I have to remind him that neither of my bios were taken on a cruise or got a big vacation! He thinks SD15 should get her license and have a car next year (as much as she lies and doesn't follow rules), but neither bio had a car before nearly being 18!
Just a lot of lopsidedness, and him not parenting! At the same time, I'm fine to help contribute to shopping sprees and stuff (in his eyes...not mine), but I'm not allowed any input in actual parenting of this child that lives in my house!