"overly burdened with adult-level worries and concerns"
That's what SD8's new therapist told DH on Saturday. She said that she talked excessively about where they're moving in the next few years, concerns about her mom's roof leaking, whether their trip to Puerto Rico has been paid for yet, etc.
Therapist wants to speak with BM about it since most of it is things that occur at BM's house. And the fact that SD8 said her mom makes rules for BOTH houses, not just her own. And that DH tells her she doesn't have ot listen to BM's rules for our house. She's all confused ...
SD6 feels excluded by BM. BM has kept SD8 home from school several times over the past few months to have "Girls day" and get her nails done. She tells DH and SD6 that she's sick .. but we know it's not true. When they're all home together at BM's, BM is usually focused on the new baby.
Not sure what we can do other than just keep on doing what we're doing. The skids don't really talk to us directly about a lot of this stuff because BM has told them not to .. but any ideas on how to get skids to open up and feel safe to discuss these concerns? DH had no idea about SD8's preoccupation with these BM-house concerns.
DH plans to go for full
DH plans to go for full custody the next time she takes orders out of state. Her next rotation will be ship duty .. so her duty will be more often and potentially for longer periods of time. Unless she goes to teach .. idk how that works though.
It sucks for the kids. I don't care how many people tell me that military families work it out and the kids do just fine .. SD8 asks all the time if we can fly to Texas to visit her friends there. 3 new schools in 3 years. How is that ideal for any kid? Smh ..
I imagine it's much easier
I imagine it's much easier for an intact family to make the adjustments then a divorced/split one. I have friends and family that are active duty, with intact families in tow. They take offense when I say things about how the lifestyle (for my skids) is so unstable and they really suffer. But it's the truth!
They don't just pack up their family and move .. they pack up one house and move .. and are then forced to travel back and forth to their other parent. Only to move again, maybe closer but maybe not, and start all over again with new friends and schools. Always having one parent effectively absent for every big milestone that occurs.
Idk .. knowing what I know now, I would never choose that life for my kids.
I don't honestly think BM
I don't honestly think BM realizes what she's doing. DH has asked her in the past to keep adult matters between adults, but she really thinks that in order for her kids to be "prepared for the world", they should be kept in the loop about everything. I agree that kids shouldn't be lied to, but there's a certain amount of sheltering that SHOULD happen so kids are free to be kids .. they only get ONE childhood.
Sometimes there is nothing
Sometimes there is nothing you can do about kids being involved in adult concerns. I have been SO careful but my daughter is not "normal." She remembers EVERYTHING, she notices EVERYTHING, she can put together an entire conversation from only hearing one side (which is already censored bc of her), and she can usually connect dots that not even an adult can connect. She is very intuitive and has been WAY beyond her age ever since I can remember. Luckily, she is also the laid back one who doesn't worry much. My son, on the other hand, is an anxiety riddled mess from just the pressure he puts on himself.
"If only these women knew what they were stealing from their children"
The same could be said of stepmoms, can't it? Neither is perfect. We all do stupid things. If all of us had kids in counseling we would constantly be told all the things we were doing wrong. My parents hardly did anything right.