I've given this some thought regarding my own situation. I have three biokids who are all grown and independent, never ask for anything. They all have good jobs and take care of their responsibilities. My SS is 13 now. He is lazy, and not ashamed of it. I don't know how he will ever hold a job for the amount of laziness that is in him, in addition to his poor attitude. When he gets to the point of being an adult, and thinks he is going to be receiving handouts to accommodate his laziness, I am going to insist that all children be treated equally and fairly. If SS gets $100, then we will be sending each of my kids $100 as well. Why should they be treated as less for being responsible?

With that being said, we do not operate the same as a lot of folks here. We do not separate our finances. And we split everything four ways in our will for the kids if something happens to both of us at the same time.

Go to Amazon.com and get a book on "enabling" a drug user and give it to your husband. He is directly buying drugs for his kid to slowly kill himself and a single screw up by some addled drug mixer back at the lab could send out a load of overdoses one of which can kill in minutes.

In the book he will learn that almost every addict quits by age 40. Some get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Others are dead. This is not some slogan.

Its a really tricky situation. Parents, no matter what will always want to help their children, even when they are grown. The problem is when you only have one that is "needy" sometimes people loose their perspective as to what is being a helpful parent and what is enabling.
I honestly think this divide gets more twisted in a step situation because subconsciously there becomes a "my kids/your kids" divide.
I am my fathers only child, my step mother has 4 (two sons, two daughters) so you can imagine our house was mad at times.
Now I'm 24, my step siblings are; 31, 28, 27 and 25. Yet up until the last couple of months the 28 year old son was still living at home (he has moved out/ been kicked out on various occassions) he is not a drug addict, he has debts and his issues stem from the fact he is still living life like he was at 16/17. Expecting his mother to bail him out whenever he needs cash for smokes, for bus fair, for car parts, whatever it may be. And the mad thing is, most of the time she gives it.
We were ALL raised with the same morals, we were all in some kind of part time work from the age of 14, we were all given small amounts of pocket money before that time (Im talking 10 for a month) to help us gain an idea of the value of money. We were all expected to pull our weight household chore wise and once we were working full time or done with school we were expected to pay rent. Yet it is only this step brother of mine that ended up with more, he would expect/demand more cash from my step mother and most of the time she gave it. His first full time job he stayed for a couple of years until he lost his temper and walked out, since then every/any job hes had barely lasts a few months. He still approaches everything as a 17 year old, problem is now he doesnt have youth on his side, its not so easy to explain all the mistakes.

There used to be alot of arguments between my father and step mother over it all (there were times I was the subject of argument too, we each drove them mad at one point or other).
Its a nasty cycle, and only starts to be broken when the biological parent realises that they arent helping.
Fortunately my father and step mother are both fairly firm that once you have moved out then you are not in need of any financial support, and that is also true for the step brother, although my step mother will still occassionally hand cash or buy groceries, she certainly doesnt/wouldnt foot all his bills, but honestly that is probably only because she couldnt afford to do so without my fathers noticing.

Your husband isnt telling you he is taking his son simply because he knows your opinion, he knows your feelings and he probably knows you are right, but he doesnt want to deal with it. He doesnt want to face the argument, he doesnt want to have to justify why he is still doing things for his son, because honestly he probably doesnt know why himself, its an impulse, its not a big deal...
Unfortunately I think it is something you do need to go through, you do need to sit down and work out how much of your household income is being drained on paying for your adult step sons life.
How are you financially? How are your savings? All that money that is being spent on him should be being put into savings for your retirement or being used for you guys, holidays, home improvements or whatever.
I really do wish you luck because its one thing to have a partner enabling and footing bills when the child is in the house, but doing it once they are outside the home is frankly taking the piss. His fear is probably if he doesnt then darling son will fall further into the drug pit and he will forever loose him, and thats going to be a hard one to open his eyes to the fact that actually, it doesnt matter what father does, if the son wants to do drugs he will do so, regardless of whether daddy is paying for his home or not.

Does your DH ever worry about the resentment this likely creates with his other kids in reference to not only him, but the son as well?

I'm the youngest of three. Both of my older sisters are addicts who basically suck at life. They each were pregnant in high school dropped out, more than one baby daddy, and each have at least two failed marriages. One lies about living with her boyfriend/2nd baby daddy so she can collect welfare and food stamps. Still partying like rock stars and getting into bar fights at 50+. Real winners.

My parents have always helped these two sisters. Paid for weddings. Paid for college- that they both dropped out of. Paid for down payments on houses. Gave them down payments for cars or co-signed. Paid for rehab more times than I can count.

Me? I've been working since I was 14. Moved out by 19. They wouldn't pay for my college. Took me begging and signing a contract to have them co-sign for my first new car. I had bought two different beater type cars and kept my insurance paid up for years, but I finally needed something more reliable. It was like pulling teeth. My wedding? I waiting until I was 33 and married a guy I had been dating for 6 YEARS. They offered to buy my wedding dress, and then I got a scathing voicemail from my mother about what a selfish, greedy bitch I was and how I was SO MATERIALISTIC because the dress I picked was on the clearance rack at David's Bridal (like the Wal-Mart of weddings, if you don't have them near you) for $400. They paid for both sisters previous weddings in full, twice each. Both first weddings my sisters were 17 and 18 and pregnant.

The result has been that I hate my sisters, and if they were on fire and I had a cup of water... I'd drink it. I only see my siblings when I must at holiday's, and I'm cordial but detached. I will not have them at my home. Ever. They don't even know exactly where I live. And my parents? I love them, but I resent them deeply. They are well enough off that their reasons for doing all this are not financial. When I've asked, the answer I get is "but you are the one who doesn't NEED help".

Fuck you, Mom.

So yeah, that's what your DH can look forward to. His "good kids" will hate him.

It is time that your DH receive my dad's "Common Denominator" speech. I received it several times in my childhood, teens and young adult years.

"When something happens once it is a random event. When it happens twice maybe it is a coincidence. A third time and it is time to see what you are doing that results in the outcome. What is the common denominator? It the common denominator is you then figure it out. Don't keep being an idiot."

Feel free to give this speech to your DH regarding his idiot spawn and give DH clarity that he needs to give this speech to his idiot spawn.

Give DH clarity that if you are at the ranch and SS shows up you will fill his ass with two barrels worth of rock salt and as equity partners in life and in marriage you have total veto rights on who enters your property. Tell DH that the next time you hear that SS uselss POS has been to your ranch you will sell it.

Maybe that will give daddy dear clarity.

Even parents have to gain clarity when their spawn are beyond salvage. That does not mean to stop loving them but it damned sure means they must be left to their own devices and to suffer the consequences of their actions. When my SS flunked out of the top 20 boarding school (Military) his mom and gave him the opportunity to attend she jerked him back home at mid year and put him in our local HS with the message that he either graduated on time or we would drop him off at the homeless camps under the highways in Philly. I took him on a tour of the camps in the middle of winter. It scared the complete shit out the kid and he graduated on time and with honors doing several times more work than he would have had to do if he had passed his classes at Military school.

Your SS-26 needs to be left to his own devices and your DH needs clarity that it is time.

Good luck.