READY TO HEAR ADVISE
What do you suspect 3 days from now will look like??????????????????????????????????????????
It's been a year and 2 Months since I posted. Somethings have changed and somethings haven't. My husband's son no longer lives with us for over a year. However, since we (really I)forced my husband's hand...I managed to have his son move out. A year ago I washed 8 loads of clothes/dry/folded his clothes and off he left--How??? My husband took his son to a)initially to a hotel which we paid over $1,000!! to live till we found him something more permanent. After 6 months of that we (again,I*although my husband gives his son the credit)found a house that rents out rooms and got him in 1 for $400 a month. Where his lazy ass continues to reside. My husband as well as his son will both claim he had had a job here and there with no permanent success. I say this lazy ass son of his had never worked in the last year in half but party at our expense. We pay this rent/electricity/cell phone/his food/husband gives him rides occasionally/ & party money for his entertainment. I very much dislike him. I didn't have this much anger until months before my husband & I married---This son sold my TV/and VERY EXTREMELY sentimental money (My father collected and was of value-my father has since passed away less than 6 months ago). He returned the tv and never the money.
Anyway a year ago Oct 1, 2014 my Therapist (yet, I'm seeing a therapist because I was (AM)consumed my this lazy ass kid not able to make it on his own. Anyway, I gave my husband an ultimatum that he had a full YEAR (the end of October 2015) that he had to stop providing his son money or my husband would have to move out (luckily, We live in My home before marriage). After hours/days he finally agreed..I repeated the conditions and our agreement about every quarter --by then he knew I meant business.
4 MORE DAYS ---My husband cuts the money funding or I will no longer accept taking this any longer. I must tell you I have snicked into his cell phone and read some messages...He has informed his son that he will be cutting all funding. His son is hitting back with What will I do????I'll be homeless?? I cry every night asking God for help?? sometimes he changes it up and tries the sympathy card..."I'm no good",don't worry about it I'm not worth helping", "I wasn't meant to be happy", "I have no food/no life/ I'm so very skinny" blah blah, blah.
His son is 27 years old this Month. No drivers license because he never paid any of his prior fines (which I wouldn't be surprised if my husband has paid them already. He has no car because the one he had he sold for CASH. You can't give him anything because he lives at the pawn shops. I honestly haven't seen his son in over a year yet I see him text my husband daily--DAILY. DAILY!!!!! For money..nothing else. My husband as wonderful and a smart man that he is --has only one MAJOR FLAW....His son. My husband does not see that his son is using him/okay he allows himself to be used.
My problem is the arguing about the money given to his son is this. My husband is well off. We are pretty much set financially and I myself am pretty much financially set before we married.
My point is that I'm not willing to give my money to someone who does nothing to earn or help. My husband just keeps saying he just can't find a job without a car. I have two daughters before marriage and I PAID all their 4 years COLLEGE degrees without any help because they EARNED IT. They have zero student loans. ZERO. If i'm going to give money I'm going to give those that show effort.
Ok..What do you suspect 3 days from now will look like??????????????????????????????????????????
Sounds like drugs or mental
Sounds like drugs or mental illness to me. It doesn't sound as if DH has taken concrete steps to wean his child. I'll bet you a dollar that your ultimatum will be ignored in a few days. Ask DH to leave in 30 days? What have you discussed? Is it in text or writing? Are you saying "different homes," or "Divorce"?
Welcome back.
Yup. My ss has significant
Yup. My ss has significant and genuine mental challenges. There is no way in hell he could spout such manipulative messages. But my ss CAN work at something. I see no evidence there's anything wrong with this young man but chronic laziness and gargantuan entitlement.
hailto, I posted this on
hailto, I posted this on another post but it was meant for this one
Good luck, I hope all goes well.
DH made all the same excuses for ss30 for over 7 years. Had ss and ss's gf living with him and DH was completely supporting everyone. DH told me that he thought ss had PTSD from being in the military. Funny that ss was never deployed and never in combat. He got booted out for being a doosh, pulling a weapon and fighting unfairly with a comrade. He'd say, "ss just needs a place to hide from the world for awhile." Enable much?! DH thought I'd be peachy keen with the situation when we got together, after all I am a mom to minors so one more helpless male is no big deal right? It was off and on for about 2 years with ss trying to skid back home. Fights all the time about ss staying "just one night" that turned into 10 nights or weeks. ss telling me what to get for him (with my money) while I was at the grocery store.
I put my foot down hard after about 2 years, no more couch surfing. DH insisted still paying his high phone usage bill every month and that only ended after I purposefully upgraded my phone to a more expensive plan and we couldn't afford ss on our bill anymore. ss had the newest Iphone (paid for by daddy) and always went over on data while I had a cheap ass phone that didn't even go online. Funny thing that after DH stopped paying his bills ss got a job and has stuck with it. He's still couch surfing but not here.
I hope your DH has had a plan in place been weaning your ss off the wallet slowly. Like paying less and less each month to get him used to paying his bills. To pay fully for years and then be completely cut off will be abrupt for a slacker. Good to hear he's not in your home.
To address above posters, everyone can do something. There are girls with Down Syndrome that are paid to clean the machines in my gym. My son with a mild learning disability regularly volunteers at the animal shelter. Lowes has a program that works with people who have mental/physical disabilities. There is NO excuse for an able bodied adult to laze around, do nothing and still be fully supported by their parents. I know I'll have to help 2 of my sons along in life but they will do as much as they can. Skid can join Americorps or the national guard, the military, do odd jobs for an elderly person in exchange for board.
What is the verdict?
What is the verdict?