You are here

to bake or not to bake

Calypso1977's picture

Submitted by Calypso1977 on Wed, 10/08/2014 - 7:58am

Forums: 
Teenage Stepchildren

Demon Child's 14th birthday is next week (cant wait to change my siggy).

Should i bake her cake? Im feeling guilty as i baked her cake last year and recently baked her cousins cake. Also my fiance is still in freak out mode about money and the braces debacle.

Not baking it will send a huge message to her that i dont give a shit. But baking it will also help my fiance out.

Guilt is a bitch!

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Submitted by BarkAtTheMoon on Wed, 10/08/2014 - 8:37am

Oh I went through that this past summer with both SD19 and SD13. SD13 has a peanut allergy so you can't buy her anything from the bakery. I didn't make anything for either one, I didn't buy gifts, I didn't give DH any ideas, it was all on him. The guilt tore me up but he did just fine.

SD13 got a pint of Ben and Jerry's for her "cake."

See if you can hold out. No use slaving away when you get nothing back. Save it for Thanksgiving. Maybe.

~ Moon

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Wed, 10/08/2014 - 9:44am

Yeah, same here. I'm done doing for people who treat me like crap, birthday or not.

Calypso1977's picture

Submitted by Calypso1977 on Wed, 10/08/2014 - 8:54am

he's already planning to buy plates at the dollar store and the cake at the grocery store. he's going to get 2-3 pizzas to feed everyone.

he has not mentioned her gift (i definitely wont be buying her anything this year). given how he's freaked about money he damn well better not buy her anything more than a $25 itunes card. im curious to see what he will get her, especially for christmas.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Wed, 10/08/2014 - 8:54am

I used to bake elaborate "theme" cakes for skids, in particular OSS and SD.

NOT.APPRECIATED.

Soooo, Ex-Lax Ganache?

Calypso1977's picture

Submitted by Calypso1977 on Wed, 10/08/2014 - 10:10am

i wont lie...part of it is wanting to save face with fiance's family since they of course dont get step life and dont get what a douche my SD is (although i think FFIL is hip to the game).

Teas83's picture

Submitted by Teas83 on Wed, 10/08/2014 - 11:04am

I used to put effort into SD's birthdays, but it always went unappreciated. SD has a tendency to tell me what she wants, but then when I do what she wants she asks me why I did it that way and says she wanted something different.

I'm not doing anything for her for Christmas or her birthdays anymore.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Submitted by CantKeepDoingThis on Wed, 10/08/2014 - 12:09pm

I would have been so furious!!!

Around here, I surly wouldn't make the cake, simply because SheSloth doesn't need any help in the junk food department! Girl would eat the whole thing by herself, and then disappear to the bathroom! She has decided recently to start eating again, but of course nothing healthy. All she wants is ramen and PB&J sandwiches!

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Wed, 10/08/2014 - 1:48pm

I made a wonderful cake and fun napkins, plates, etc. and wrapped a pile of presents for SDs 13th birthday, the first birthday we were together. She was so mean and nasty about it I was in shock. These were dating days.

The next two gift giving occasions were actually even worse. After that, I told DH I was done giving her cakes or presents. D.O.N.E. He supported me.

When her 14th birthday rolled around, she was storming about in one of her worst displays ever. She told us she didn't want anything for her birthday (this has a lot to do with her mom refusing to bother to do anything for the kid's birthday) so we said OK. I felt bad for her because her mother was such a drip but that is no reason to take it out on me.

SD came whirling through the hall doorway and announced, "Uh, I can see what you're doing. I know you're over there making a cake for me." Hallucinations, apparently.

My life has been better since I stopped making cakes or doing gifts for her. I focus all my jollity on SS's birthdays and DH's. All is wonderful. SD can stay in her imaginary world where BM rolls out the red carpet and ChiefGrownup can't help herself from fawning all over her. Have fun in that padded room, kid.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 10/08/2014 - 1:53pm

SD came whirling through the hall doorway and announced, "Uh, I can see what you're doing. I know you're over there making a cake for me." Hallucinations, apparently.

What happened when she realized there was no cake?

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Thu, 10/09/2014 - 1:42pm

I calmly pulled my hands out of the refrigerator with a head of lettuce in them and said, "I can't imagine what you mean."

She slunk off with eyes sidelong. Not sure when it sunk in to her that it really wasn't happening at all. She never mentioned it again. She was mean and nasty the rest of the weekend, just the way she started it.

That was last year. This year I did exactly nada for her again. Her dad sent her to his relatives in another state, though. The trip just happened to fall on her birthday, not intentionally. So the inlaws did a nice joint party for her with a cousin and she behaved, apparently, quite well. She came home to no presents or cakes from either parent and certainly NOT FROM ME. DH said the trip was her birthday present and I wholeheartedly agreed. Not sure SD15 sees it that way, though.

over step's picture

Submitted by over step on Thu, 10/09/2014 - 8:35am

SD14 has a birthday coming up and I have not said anything about planning anything. I have made it clear to DH that it's his responsibility to take care of that. I won't even help with getting a present for her. Honestly, I don't want my name on the card. DH will have to sign my name for me.

I'm sure he won't plan anything and will wait until the last minute to order her present. I could care less seeing has she never acknowledged my birthday until DH told her to tell me Happy Birthday. It was so fake but I my Thanks was just as fake.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 10/12/2014 - 8:30am

Cake? :? :jawdrop: Really? I think the issues are far larger than to bake or not to bake a cake.

If the issues are so large that you wouldn't bake a birthday cake for SD-14 then it is time to sit DF down for the proverbial come to Jesus discussion on the entire situation and the two of you work through how you are going to address core issues as a team.

Don't waste you time, emotion, and effort on the question of whether or not to bake a cake.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.