You are here

Dreading Christmas

jeaniemarie's picture

Submitted by jeaniemarie on Wed, 10/29/2014 - 12:14pm

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

I am really not interested in spending one minute of this holiday season with my fiance's kids. I have thought about trying to find a volunteer opportunity on Christmas Day for me and my dog, and letting BF have his time with his kids by himself. I am sure we could walk dogs at the shelter, or visit old people in a nursing home. I know the rotten kids are not going to get their dad anything for Christmas - they never do! Of course there are always piles and piles of presents for their mom, aunt, etc. but nothing for Dad. I really want no part of it.

Plus I know that the older son is going to bring his b**** girlfriend. After I had the Facebook battle with the older kid, my BF and I saw his girlfriend in the grocery store. She saw me and gave me really dirty looks. Then when my fiance came over, she did a whole exaggerated, "HI HOW ARE YOU~!!!" to him. He ended up walking off with her, so she could show him where the candy bar aisle is. I was so pissed I walked home. My BF and I had a big argument, and I told him that I want no parts of that girl and I refuse to associate with her. It is bad enough putting up with the rudeness from his kids, I sure as hell am not going to put up with it from some girlfriend too. No way. Not to mention she had been abusive to my dog, roughly pushing her with her boot one day.

To his credit, my BF banned her from the house after that. But of course she has actually been in the house a couple times since then with the older son. My BF did not talk to her or say one word, and she left. But I know it is just a matter of time until the two of them are back. And of course there is never a phone call, they just show up! My BF helped his kid get a $300 cell phone, so you would think he would use it and take the time to call. I either leave the house or lock myself in the bedroom when they are over.

So anyway not sure what the point of all this is. I am just having a lot of anxiety over this. I wish I could book a trip to a beach somewhere on November 24, and come back January 2nd! Would it be wrong of me to bow out of Christmas with the skids?

jennaspace's picture

Submitted by jennaspace on Wed, 10/29/2014 - 7:56pm

Absolutely not wrong! It may seem impossible to make this stand, but once you do, you'll wonder why you ever went back after the first Christmas. Take it from me, I went through the same thing.

Pick another day to celebrate. Jan 6th (epiphany) or Dec 24th are common days that people celebrate besides 12/25.

After you stop going, the anxiety and stress will cease during the holidays and you will enjoy Christmas. Please don't let them hijack it for you anymore.

Justme54's picture

Submitted by Justme54 on Wed, 10/29/2014 - 11:49pm

I wish I could exit as they enter the door. It is alway work. Our house is small. It is clean and clean. It is just too small for company. It is cook this and take them out to it...It is all about them...ADULT SKIDS.

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Thu, 10/30/2014 - 6:18pm

Fortunately, SD quit spending Christmas with us almost 4 years ago. Before that, there were rarely gifts for either DH or I. That was OK because when we DID get a gift it was so bad I would have rather not received anything from her. The main thing I will be thankful for is that I will not be having to put up with her rude behavior, her cheapness, and her entitled attitude that I was there to serve her. Do not miss that at all.

dadsnewwife's picture

Submitted by dadsnewwife on Fri, 10/31/2014 - 11:19am

I'm envious of any of you that have skids who live near you who have homes of their own. Dh's DS31 lives out of state and has a son here, so he will always come back for Christmas to see his son who is now 6. He HAD a wife and a family, but screwed it all up with drugs. I still resent him for the drama and hurt he caused me dh that I feel uncomfortable with him in our home. And, of course, when HE'S there, SGS6 is also there along with SS21 who lives in a low-income apartment here in town. He, too, spent 5 years doing drugs instead of bettering himeself, so dh is still paying for stuff for him which to me is nothing more than enabling. So, I'd be ok NEVER having his sons in our house ever. They caused to much pain and drama in our very new marriage to the extent that I almost left last year.

And where are MY children? Oh, let's see...DD30 and DD29 live plane rides away, so won't be coming home for either holiday and even when they do, they stay at their father's big house because dh's sons take up our only space for company (the basement). DD23 currently lives with her father/stepmother, so I may see her for a couple hours max either holiday and DD27 who DOES live in town has distanced herself from our family that she either works or goes to her boyfriend's family. My ex has family around, so my girls spend EVERY Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day with them, so I end up at home with stepsons I don't like. Last Thanksgiving I hopped on a plane and spent Thanksgiving week in Arizona with my relatives, but I can't do that every year. Dh would probably divorce me. I hate the holidays anymore. sigh

TinyDancer's picture

Submitted by TinyDancer on Fri, 10/31/2014 - 11:31am

I love holiday season! It's the reason for vacation!! No family, no drama, cold drinks on a sunny beach.... DH gets time to relax and recharge (as do I) and no one can complain because they don't factor into our decision. Once or twice a year DH really needs a break and what better time
to leave all that stress behind then the time that really has become the most stressful.

Now it's all donations to charity, cards sent, FB postings of sunshine and palm trees.
We're the adults, we call the shots in our lives. Just how it is. Smile

dadsnewwife's picture

Submitted by dadsnewwife on Fri, 10/31/2014 - 1:24pm

I like your attitude, TinyDancer, and only WISH I could convince dh to go on a cruise or something over Christmas. You are SO lucky!

Oh, but NOOOO...dh can't leave his loser sons. Oh...boohoo...they have nowhere else to go. Cry me a river. Their own faults they have noone else but daddy. Makes me sick. I told dh though in the future, there WILL be times (like I did last Thanksgiving) and leave and spend a holiday with one of my DDs who lives far away. HE can stay home with his loser sons, but I'm not.

TinyDancer's picture

Submitted by TinyDancer on Fri, 10/31/2014 - 11:33am

xxxxx

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Sat, 11/01/2014 - 11:55am

"And I don't understand any adult who pretends not to notice." "But for some reason, it was humorous when it happened to me."

I went through this same thing for decades when SD and her husband would come to our house. It was really hard to remain gracious when I would look over and see them smirking at each other, pulling another 'funny' on me. I didn't want to make a scene so I remained quiet, hoping that my heart would let each and every slam roll off my back. But eventually I noticed the profound difference in how SD treated me vs. other people. Luckily, DH's relatives noticed how nasty SD was to me - and many of her relatives. Like your DH, mine simply could not confront SD. So I had to do it for my sanity and my soul. The outcome was not like yours though. Narcissists never admit that it takes two to communicate. This holiday season will be another of being SD-less but I am satisfied not to have to experience the 'game' anymore.