DH came home as I was finishing the post, I had to cut it short. So he wasn't here this entire evening to monitor his infant. He came up to say "Hello" to me in the bedroom and I was still out of it from low sugar. He was hurrying to get out of his work clothes and go watch football. I heard him ask SD13 about the email he got from the English teacher, I got it, too. It was sent to all of the parents. SD13 asked if it was about Topic B. DH said it was about Topic A and it was due tomorrow, did she have it done? So either she's playing dumb or she really lets it go in one ear and out the other in class. She has two parts of a five-part project done and has gotten a 50/100 and a 55/100 so far. Honors English, my ass. It's all relative in this county where everyone is awesome! Gold star!

It was hard as hell to stay quiet, since I know what her grades are, but I did it.

DH came in again to chat for a sec and I told him, "I give up already." I told DH I relayed his message to SD13 to eat dinner, and she was caught running up from the basement with a bag of chips. I also told him about her gym class and how she said she ran a mile. I told him she smelled funny, not B.O. but nasty funny. Then I said she hadn't showered since Saturday before the dinner party we went to and he immediately walked out. He was calm, and he went directly to SD13 and told her to shower. I reminded him she was 13 and knew to do this stuff on her own, she was old enough. She just doesn't think it matters.

Maybe if I click my heels together three times and make a wish, it will all get better........NOT.

~ Moon

Here are my first posts. Enjoy the madness! Yes, SD19 at college and SD13 full-time. Ugh.

http://www.steptalk.org/node/192173
http://www.steptalk.org/node/192694
http://www.steptalk.org/node/192873

I made sure DH took her to therapy the day after she declared she wanted to be a boy. That was on the first day of school. She's gone about four times total, and has now joined a support group for LGBTQs. She is extremely immature and regressing, acting like a baby. I can't even stand to be around her anymore. It's extremely awkward. I used to have a girl in my house who was funny. Now I have a dorky boy who has no friends. She's going to have to take a good long look in the mirror and come to the conclusion that this acting out isn't getting her anywhere. Of course, my disclaimer, there's always the chance that she really feels like a T and really wants to be a boy because that's how she feels.

I doubt this, or we would've seen the signs much sooner, not here today, gone tomorrow. Sigh.

~ Moon

Kmetz, I chalk it up to hormones and a 2-digit IQ. I tell it like it is, but I am very sensitive and don't like to be mean. I am learning that I have to be mean when this skid gets in my way. I hate it because it's not who I am, it doesn't work and I am the bad guy.

Sally, the flailing and weird body postures are a combination of getting attention and being nervous. SD13 is aloof and then she gets ansy. For the past few weeks, anytime she has come into the room flailing or bent over walking funny, trying to be comical, I will tell her, "Stop flailing!" ....or "Stand up straight, SD13. Do you do this at school? No wonder the kids don't talk to you as much. You're awkward."

So, I just drove home early from work, it took forever because we are getting snow here. I walk into the house and 4 very wet dogs come greet me. Why would I expect SD13 to keep them in the house or dry them when they come in? It's like she's not even here when it comes to the animals. I was talking to the dogs, asking if they had just been out to pee because they were all wet. SD13 enters the room.....in shorts.....and it's snowing outside...ugh. I ask WHY she is wearing shorts again? "I don't know....duh-uhhhh...."

SD13: (in a nerdy wanna be comical voice, referring to the dogs....) I just let them out a few minutes ago.
Moon: Oh ok.
SD13: (leaves and returns with wet diaper from SDog, and she has been home with him all day! Proceeds to put the wet pad in the trashcan. Then I NOTICE something....)
Moon: Did you let the dogs out the dog door from the basement?
SD13: No, it's closed......
I raise my voice to stop her her from putting the diaper in the kitchen can, tell her to use a bag in the garage already, NOT in the trash can in the kitchen! She is not all there. It takes 3 tries telling her this and I am 18 inches away from her!
As SD13 finally figures out that I want her to go into the garage with the wet diaper, I stand there wondering WHY the dog door was blocked off? Must have been DH..... Good thing SD13 let them out onto the deck. Nice of her to help...........

When I was telling her to go to the garage, I had looked out the door onto the deck and there was at least 3 inches of pristine snow, untouched by man, OR DOG, from this morning. }:) SD13 comes back from the garage. (Heh-heh.....Wait for it....)

Moon: So you let the dogs out onto the deck to go outside since the dog door is closed?
SD13: Yep!
Moon: (I let her have it....) }:) NO, you didn't! (I point through the glass door) You're lying right to my face RIGHT NOW because there are NO TRACKS IN THE SNOW! You're busted! Would you STOP lying to me already? You act 7 instead of 13! Your father and I have spoken about your lies and we can't stand it! He just loves you too much to call you out on it, but I WILL, because it's annoying! It's rude and annoying! So maybe I'll lie to you about something sometime and see how you like it? Now go back to whatever it was that you were doing!

SD13 doesn't say a word to me as she stands there, looking at the floor. She hasn't looked at her list of chores all day, so she immediately starts trying to look busy. I go to look at the basement and the dog door. The dog door is OPEN. Another lie. My stomach starts to hurt. There is a big puddle of pee on the carpet. Maybe she had the diaper off of SDog, maybe she didn't. Maybe it was the other male who peed. I took a bunch of her shit that she left out on the pool table and hid it. She, the 13yo who wants to be a boy, has all of her My Little Pony figures out. At least 40 of them. I put them in a box and hid them behind some other stuff in storage. She'll know I took them and I don't care. She'll be lucky if I don't throw them all out! I go upstairs and tell SD13 that she has to clean the pee. I don't give a shit who did it. SDog or other dog. As far as I'm concerned, this is her punishment for fucking with me and lying.

I have DH call me and it turns out that SD13 has already sent a "Woe is me" text to DH about her wicked SM. I told DH that I lectured her to stop lying already because the two of us couldn't stand it. I also told DH that whatever SD13 texted to DH, she has no one to thank but herself. I even reminded DH that it was SD13 who said we need to work on our trust issues. YEAH....she got that tidbit from Day #1 of therapy in August. I asked if he was taking her to the next town for her support group tonight and he said No, because the weather is bad. I told DH that was a good thing because I wasn't going to let her go anyway, due to all of her lying and asinine behavior.

Now I am in my room, with my beautiful dogs, they are all napping and I have calmed down. Good news is, OSD, SD19 came home today but is working until 7pm. So she won't be here to ruin my afternoon. I am going to stay holed up in my room all Thanksgiving break, except for tomorrow, when we go out to eat. God give me strength.

Everyone drive safe and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

~ Moon

Sally gave me a good reminder that I am supposed to be disengaged. But so much crap has happened that has to do with my dogs and my house, and SD13 is usually at the center of the chaos. I told DH on the phone that he needs to do something about her lies. I said "I" wasn't going to punish her because it's Thanksgiving, BUT.....I know in the back of my mind that she is going to bomb English. I'm just waiting. SD13 keeps telling DH she did this work and that work,,,,,it's so much BS!

OK, who lives in the middle of all of us SMs so we can all meet up? 5-Star hotel or camping? I don't care, I just need to breathe!! LOL

Turns out my tenant and his wife are separating. They won't be renewing their lease on Feb. 1st. The wheels are turning.

On a lighter note, SD19 has worked every day except Thursday, so she hasn't been sitting on her ass all day, just half of it after work.

DH took the skids to the movies and I told him to take them to dinner as well and stay out LATE.

~ Moon

I feel like my life is surreal, but I know I just can't deal with this crap in my home. I tried to gently speak to DH about becoming resentful a couple of weeks back and he dismissed me and stormed around. Thanksgiving morning he came upstairs and vacuumed during the Macy's parade. Complete with carpet fresh so I was nauseated and burping the rest of the morning. Any time I bring up anything, he gets really upset. I have really started voicing my feelings more this past month.

I feel sick. I can't just stay in my room all of the time and let SD19 lay down on the couch 8 hours at a time. That's all she did over break. As soon as she got home from work after lunchtime, she would step out of her shoes and go lay down on my couch. She wouldn't move until the evening after DH and I had gone to bed. She did this Weds, stayed there all day Thanksgiving except for the 1-1/2 hours we went out to eat, did it Friday after work, too. Saturday SD19 worked and then DH took the Skids to an evening movie and dinner. Sunday DH and I went to a football game and left early, at 10:30am. I get home and not only has SD19 NOT left to go back to college, but she is LAYING on the couch, whining that her stomach hurts.

Well, maybe if you moved some your food would have a chance to digest. She whined when DH offered her dinner and then started crying. Then two minutes later she's up at the table with us, scarfing down the meal we cooked as soon as we returned from football.

**Sorry I need to vent.*****

So let me back up some here.......On the drive home from football, DH calls the Skids from the car, asks SD13 if she did her laundry (yes) and I ask if she washed her sheets. She hesitates and then says she did not. DH asked her to feed the dogs and I asked her to turn on the outside lights on the house. DH and I started arguing a little on the way home because he was speeding and I get car sick from FM. I asked him to slow down and he starts going as slow as 49mph in a 65! I only wanted him to stay at 70 and told him to stop being an ass. I told him we have this conversation every time he drives us anywhere, and I was sick of the guilt. I told him I was tired of feeling guilty for asking him to slow down and I was tired of explaining FM to him. Everything he said to me, I responded, "Fibromyalgia, look it up!" I was rude, where I am usually suffering in silence, but I spoke up.

Then DH says he doesn't want to hear anything about the chores that SD13 has or hasn't done when we get home. We pull up to the house and I start to say, "Oh the outside lights......." and I trailed off and caught myself. I told DH I wasn't going to comment. We get inside, he is pissy from our "talk" in the car and I go to turn on the exterior lights. This is when I see SD19 still splayed out on the couch under a blanket in the living room, and DH starts to talk to SD13. He asked if she fed the dogs and she says, "Yes, I did," all happy to see DH. Then she says, "Oh wait, I didn't....No, I didn't." I kept quiet like a good little wife and watched it unfold, my blood pressure rising at the POS who is ON MY COUCH for the fifth day in a row. DH asked SD13 in an exasperated voice, still mad from our car ride...."What? Did you fall on your head after I got off of the phone with you? How could you not feed the dogs?!"

Meanwhile, it's an hour past their feeding time, and the dogs are restless. DH scoops the food and I get the water bowl as SD13 slinks off somewhere. A few minutes later, I get my things and head down the hall to go up to my room. SD13 is sitting on the stairs in the dark, but stands up quickly as I round the corner. I look at her and ask, surprised, "What the fuck are you doing, sitting in the dark? Go find something to do!" She has that goofy, nervous grin on her face, aloof and very juvenile as she darts off the stairs and out of my way.

Last night DH didn't think SD13 needed a shower because she had one Saturday morning. Before they went to the germ-filled movie theater and before sitting around all day Sunday, farting in her jeans. Last night DH called SD13 up to bed early all by himself (good), but put toothpaste on her toothbrush and poured fluoride rinse into a cup for her (bad, but I get his point). He was trying to humiliate SD13 because she didn't brush her teeth all day Thursday or Friday and I called her out on it Saturday morning. SD13 has braces.

So, I am losing my mind. I can't believe I'm actually daydreaming about how it would be to live alone again. Like I've said before, when I lived as a single widow for 12 years, I dearly wanted to be in love again and didn't want to be alone. I went through a lot of toads and a lot of free dinners. I knew that one day a kind caring man would come along again, and I was picky for a long time.

I just never thought BM would die and that I would have a Disney Dad with two skids FT in my home. Now what am I supposed to do?

~ Moon

Sally, I can't be that rude to SD19. DH would never let me hear the end of it and would keep asking what's wrong with SD19 laying on the couch all of the time? He sees no wrong or disrespect in her doing this. "It's her home, too." No, because she doesn't contribute jack when she's here.

I only do my and DH's laundry, I cook maybe once a week. I think it's just that these Skids are always here -- it's making me crazy. I just can't tolerate any more stupidity when I walk through the door at the end of the day. I have already started acting like SD13 isn't here. Started fresh yesterday on December 1st. I told DH that I could continue printing the chore list but HE would have to monitor SD13, I was done. So sick of her lying and marking chores off as done when they clearly were not, so why bother? It lasted for 3 months, so SD13 should know what to do, right? LOL

SD13 hasn't taken her allergy pill and hasn't showered since Saturday morning. That's 4 days worth of funk. I am keeping quiet on that one. DH is trying to be all happy and cheerful. I am just down in the dumps and exhausted. I haven't had any real talk with him, he just thinks it's another day.

I don't want to live in this house like this, but somehow I know it will never change. The playing dumb, the laziness, the forgetfulness and the entitlement drive me insane. If I were to speak up more, all I would get is shot down by DH and SD19.

I guess I owe my marriage a fight. DH isn't a bad guy at all. He is hunky-dory as long as he doesn't have to parent much. He tries, but his misses so much. He is telling SD13 to do homework and study. It's probably for a do-over grade that she got an F on. He doesn't even know. He just thinks he can give SD13 a few little directions and she will do what she's supposed to.

SD19 is my main problem and she's not even here. I HATE seeing her lay on my couch. I hated seeing her laying out back tanning all summer because she was too stressed to work much. If I could just hold out 2 or 3 more years, she might move out for good. I don't know.

~ Moon

I still don't know what to do. I am trying to find the words and the nerve to have a serious talk with DH tonight. He will get very mad if I say I can't live like this. I want a semi-clean house, I want the skids to take some responsibility, and I want DH to parent. SD13 has been sitting on her ass all day with cramps. DH drove 55 miles home from work yesterday and then an additional 15 miles past our home to get SD13 from school because she had a fever. Then he took her to urgent care, so she is milking this for all it's worth. I have tried to tell him that she has her damn period and that's why she feels blah. No one listens to me. I feel like MY mother lol.

Then this morning SD13 tells DH she is out of pads. Voila! Told you she would get her period. Then she needs a heating pad because her back hurts. I went out to get my hair done and stayed gone awhile. DH called because he forgot what my plans were. This "family" is driving me nuts! I drove past my old house today to see if the renter was still there. That house will be available Feb 1st. Or maybe I can move somewhere closer to work and use the extra income from my rental to help me do that. I am torn.

I asked DH to ask SD13 to get the dog diapers (belly bands) out of the laundry. He headed out to help a friend. I headed out to get my hair done and even set the timer for 30 minutes so SD13 would wander up and off of her ass and maybe remember to empty the dryer. I asked DH when I returned if she did it. He said she did. All of the SDog stuff is in the dryer and I have started MY laundry. I will wait for DH to return and call them both up here to handle it. If I just tell DH alone, he will do it himself and the next entitled bitch in the making will remain on her dumb ass.

Shit, I have to move out. I have a really nice loving man for a husband, but I cannot tolerate him not being more of a father and setting boundaries for these skids. This morning I tried to talk gently to him about SD19 staying on the couch all of the time. He still sees nothing wrong with it. I told him that she basically hogs the living room and kitchen when she is here as well as the TV. It's like it's her bedroom. He still doesn't get it. I have to leave, I can't take this and SD19 isn't even home from school for break yet, but she wil be in 2 weeks.

Any advice would be great. Oh dear......

~ Moon

I got mad with DH when SD13 said he didn't ask her to empty the dryer. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree in this house. I had them both together and told DH that SD13 said you never told her to empty the dryer. DH said that he told her to "check" on it. I left the room. Stupid DH. I told him later that SD13 is very literal and you have to tell her exactly what to do or she just doesn't get it. Even then, there's always the chance that she "forgot."

DH asked me a little later what was wrong and I told him I wasn't happy in my own home, and that I couldn't live like this. At first he got defensive and asked what I was going to do, go move back to my rental where I was so miserable seven years ago? Thing is, living with skids takes miserable to an entirely new level. I didn't tell him that. We actually had a civil talk and I cried, telling him that I didn't feel respected in my own home. I told him I couldn't stand to see him bend over backwards and keep enabling these kids. I told him that SD19 wasn't a "bad" kid and that she might actually make something of herself after college, which is true. I also told him that SD19 never had or has any boundaries because no one wants to deal with her. I told him we all walk on eggshells when she is home because she'll go off on an entitled rant at the drop of a hat. Then when THAT doesn't work, she'll throw a tantrum and cry like a pre-schooler. I told him I didn't want to see SD13 turn out the same way, but if he keeps on babying her, she will end up the same. I asked if these were the type of people he wanted to send out into the world?

I told DH that sure, everything the skids do that is weird or disrespectful can be chalked up to common teen behavior, I told him the difference was that there are never any consequences around here, and that when I have reached my limit, than I am the bad guy. I told him I am last in line here, and I'm a big girl, I can handle it, but that doesn't make it right and I shouldn't have to. I told him I wanted a quiet home with more peace in it. He tried telling me I knew about this seven years ago. I told him seven years ago I didn't have two crazy skids and five dogs under one roof. He was very understanding and I could tell he was really listening. He said I couldn't leave because I needed HIM. I knew he was kind of being light-hearted, and I just looked at him and didn't say a word, just kept a little smile on my face. I told HIM he needed ME, lol. He knows I was right.

He has been kissing my ass all night and it's kind of awkward, but I told him I wanted to talk and let him know how I felt. I told him I didn't see things changing in this household. I told him I actually have stopped talking to SD13 because then that way she can't lie to me. He heard every word I said. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Forgot to add that DH was being all sweet on me and giving me hugs after we made dinner. He said he wanted me to be happy and he was sorry he had messed-up kids. I wonder if he really meant that or if he was just trying to make me feel better? I had told him during our talk that SD13 needs more guidance. I told him I knew it was easy just to let her do her own thing and she's out of the way. I also told him that other than going to the bathroom and maybe getting food when she's hungry.....she doesn't do a damn thing until she is prompted to do it. I told him both SD13 and SD19 treat this place like a hotel, and I wanted it to be a home. I told him it all makes me feel uncomfortable.

SD13 even asked him what was wrong during dinner......

~ Moon