First Forum - Need Advice
We are soon to be a blended family and my soon to be teenage stepdaughter is a nightmare. I have been in her life for 5 years and it just seems to be getting harder and harder to deal with her. She is lazy, spoiled, demanding, rude, messy and anti-social with the family. We are soon to be switching custody so she will be with us full time and I am honestly dreading it. My fiancé refuses to let me say anything negative to her concerning her behavior, and just says "that is how she has been brought up by her mother to be." Meanwhile I am on the sidelines pulling my hair out. I would never let my two younger children get away with all the things she does. I really feel like I am not going to be able to handle having her with us full time with the way things are currently going. My fiancé is gone all week and only home on the weekends, so all the responsibility of taking care of her will fall to me. Please help!
Sorry, no advice because I
Sorry, no advice because I would NOT do this.
My fiancé's exwife is moving
My fiancé's exwife is moving a few states away and my stepdaughter doesn't want to go. She wants to stay here with all her friends. My fiancé knows that if she moves, then his relationship with his daughter will be nonexistent.
What about the mother? Will
What about the mother? Will she let the kids move out of state?
Is the mother going to let
Is the mother going to let custody change? And like the others said - no way would I do this. You do have a choice.
Yes she is happily changing
Yes she is happily changing over custody. She created a spoiled monster. Its the first time Ive ever had a child tell me what they are going to do. My biological children just look at her and wonder why she is so disrespectful. I feel like I don't have a choice, my fiancé is steadfast about this custody change happening so he can still see his daughter. I already have major anxiety issues and try not to take meds, but when she is around, I seem to take the scheduled dosage immediately. UGH
I tried to talk to him and he
I tried to talk to him and he says I just need to change my attitude. He wants this transition to go so smoothly but when I am getting held back from parenting her the way I parent my own kids, I become infuriated. I refuse to clean up after her, so my fiancé will actually go clean her bathroom and bedroom on the weekends. Yet, he will tell my kids that their rooms are a mess and that they need to keep everything clean. He just wants her to think living with us is going to be a cake walk but I don't see how that is going to be possible. I run a strict household and manners are not voluntary. I already told him that she is going to want to leave the moment I lay down the rules. He keeps saying to wait til we get full custody but I can guarantee she is going to be running back to her mommy once I put her in my family structure. I am afraid my fiancé will blame me if she chooses to leave.
You do have a choice. You
You do have a choice. You don't have to marry this guy. Take your kids, move into your own place and continue to date him (or not).
I am sorry - but in what
I am sorry - but in what world does a person decide another one will raise their child against their wishes to raise that child????
He is not around - so he loses say over this! I would leave a person over this. This is a hill to die on!
I will tell him that he cant
I will tell him that he cant parent my kids. I know his reaction will be no big deal, since my kids are extremely well-mannered. He only got mad the other day when they made a sheet fort across their rooms. I just look at it as kids being kids. I was hoping that my kids manners would rub off on her (yes maam, no sir) kinda household, but obviously it hasn't worked.
I can clearly see the writing on the wall, and I did inform him that this is going to tear our relationship apart and rapidly if things don't change. He agrees. He wants the best of the both worlds but that is just impossible with this scenario. If I cant be a parent all the time to all of our kids, then there is no point in continuing down this road.
I've already told DH that
I've already told DH that there's no way skidly is ever moving in with us. Apparently in Massachusetts (don't know if that's how it is elsewhere in the US) skids can request to live with the other parent at 12 or 13 years of age. Skidly is 6 now, but I can already foresee the teenage years when DH will still be wiping skidly's ass and cutting his food up for him. So I've let DH know that if he ever seriously suggested that skidly move in with us, I will move out and take everything that I've paid for with me, which will basically leave DH living in a cardboard box with some dirty piles of clothes and his precious snowflake.
You need to run, run now before you marry into that mess. Had I known better, I would have definitely considered running.
Parent her the way you want
Parent her the way you want to and make sure she knows that no one--certainly not Dad--can save her. Let DH know that, too. He needs you to do the babysitting so tell him that's the price. Tell him it'll be good for her. Also tell him you are simply not capable of parenting any other way. Do not resist the urge to say because you were "raised to be this way." }:)
BTDT I heard don't worry
BTDT
I heard don't worry everything will work out and I was stupid enough to go ahead knowing in my heart it probably wouldn't change
It didn't change
The years just keep dragging on and on
I lost respect for him after fifteen years of being put last or abused
If you've got the means get out and drive it like you stole it it ain't getting better
I'm still stuck don't have means yet
If you haven't already -
If you haven't already - spend some time reading the blogs and forums. You will see story after story that is similar to yours and ends badly. If you decide to do this you need to give your SO two choices:
You parent her most of the time and you do it your way with his full support.
You do not parent her and he does it how he wants to full time. He also does not parent your children.
Good luck
Cut off the engagement and
Cut off the engagement and run like the zombies are coming for ya!!
His wittle biddy princess will be running that ship when her daddy is home. And when he's not you can be sure she will be on the phone with him every day telling her how mean and horrible you are to her and she now hates it there and wants to go with her mom. Once she utters that sentence say byebye to your husband and hello to Dick McDouchebag, the man who doesn't care who he hurts or disrespects because his wittle biddy princess isn't happy so by God no one shall be happy.
RUN!!!!
Too damn funny, evil! ^^^^
Too damn funny, evil! ^^^^ And so damn spot on!!! The zombies...are...comiiiiiiiiiinngg!!!!!!!!!!
She is right. Men never want
She is right. Men never want to hear a woman complain. Once you start complaining about their angels...you are in over your head. The wall gets better reception.
OH sweetie! Love is blind!
OH sweetie! Love is blind! He is looking to you to take care of this poor child. I say poor because BM is hauling out and leaving child and you high to dry.
First the SD is not your responsibility...she is his. If you persist on staying in this relationship, you must have some consequences and behavior expectations. This I do not have and oh wow it is harder when you are married.
Give this a lot of thought before you commit because he isn't going to change for you and stick up for your feelings and rights when she moves in. This is all about him right now and him not letting go of his daughter. Most mother's would never leave their kids on purpose unless they know what they have created.
My first mistake was to think
My first mistake was to think being with a man with 2 kids would be easy.
my second mistake would be to agree to live with his kids full time. Never gonna happen.