don't know what to do

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My very spoiled 10 year old very spilled stepson is running the house with his crappy attitude abd constant demands which is allowed by my wife. He does no chores without a long argument of even then, despite my five year old sd being required to do hers. He is extremely, extremely disrespectful and rude to me constantly. And when he is, if I tell him to cut it out its my fault for 'not understanding' and 'not relating' to him. This hasn't been for lack of trying on my part though I will not tolerate being treated like a piece of garbage. His tone abd attitude are completely unacceptable. The bf pays for nothing, no child support, and my wife is not working so it's all on me. The ss runs the television all day while being awful to everyone until about 10 p.m.. His father went refuse to buy him a winter coat, so I got him one. Then the father felt that his old non fitting coat was good enough and threw it out requiring me to pay for another.
I used to fight in high level international martial arts tournaments even fighting my way on to the first u.s. Olympic taekwondo team. The martial arts training has stopped so that I can take care of the kids needs which has proved to be a mistake though I am still in eight room but even that training had gaps in it because the money we do have gets used placating the ss with candy, toys, and convenience store trips. Until two weeks ago I was planning my Sirius around his travel basketball league practices abd games but I stopped this because he's so disrespectful and now rewrote my wife to handle these.
Yesterday was the usual Saturday of him hooranging me for two strait hours which of course became my fault. He the took to diving the five year old around. His punishment was to be allowed a sleepover at his friends house. He came back today whining and stomping around again. His punishment for that has been a trip to the local YMCA to work on his shooting.
I'm at the point where I dread coming home and finding out what is my fault any particular day.
Additionally the father constantly harassed abd insults me which required me to block him from my phone which he shouldn't have felt like he had access to in the first place.
I live in a very messy house mostly because they played on my inability to stand living in a cluttered pig stye but I've become exhausted picking up after everyone abd have decided that I guess I have to learn to live in a messy home.

I don't know what to do bring subjected to live under the incessant demands abd awful moods of this little boy. I've taught in the inner city for 20+ years with kids who have police monitoring alerts abd they don't treat me like this chicks. I have no idea what to do but I know I can't continue like this. I've doesn't the day ignoring him but know over git to go home soon abd then 'here we go again'.

How do you cope with everything being your fault? I'm trying, truly trying. I jumped into this this pool with both feet only to find that out for drained before I jumped. Then received the blame for the pool being empty. I gooseberry don't know what to do is an awful feeling to leave the ghetto at 5 only to know that the 'real problems' are about to start. I feel taken advantage of.

Iknow how u feel. I am hiding

Iknow how u feel. I am hiding in my room. Yea after only 5 years of marriage I am sleeping in my own room. My husband puts hus daughter before me. She picks out the movies we are going to watcvh. So if I dont like it I have to go sit in my room. I am new to this forum.I am ready to bail. I have raised my daughter and i am done with all the bull sh..t

You're being used, notasm is

You're being used, notasm is right. Where is the benefit in this arrangement for you? You have some decisions to make. Your GF and her ex made these kids' THEY need to parent/pay for them. Find yourself a woman with no kids, or if she has kids she should know how to parent them. I don't see happy teen years in this kids future- get out now. God bless.

I have a 14 year old SD and

I have a 14 year old SD and have been taking the blame and been taken advantage of now for a good solid five years. She, like your ss has been running the adult household members (her dad and grandma). I joined the forum just yesterday cause I too am reaching out for help not sure what to do. Just know your not alone in your feelings. Step parenting has been a silent hell for me. I had seperated from my husband for about seven months at one point...I made the mistake coming back. Nothing but broken promises for change. I truly feel now considering... I made a great mistake coming back, but we are human and we seek companionship and will even sacrifice part of ourselves it. about the only thing I can say here to help is...it does not generally get better unless drastic changes parenting choices are made and not on your part but the mothers part. Best wishes.

The bf pays for nothing, no

The bf pays for nothing, no child support, and my wife is not working so it's all on me.

Just so wrong here....Im sorry but you are ALLOWING this to happen and of course they are letting you!

Just. Stop!

moreover its the fault of the

moreover its the fault of the father. the father needs to step up to the plate and protect you. is common though for divorced fathers to misplace their gonads in this.

I thought crew here too when

I thought crew here too when I read it...I mean to say come on!! Sounds too ridiculous to be true??

Sounds just like my BM.

Sounds just like my BM. Refused to work, popped Xanax and slept all day and let OSS parent the younger ones and never cleaned their house.

I got to help clean the trailer out when DSO got it in the divorce. God, it was so disgusting.

Melody3 is right he's

Melody3 is right he's basically taught that he doesn't have to listen to me. I can't handle him because of the interference from her and her ex. I've spent today pretty much ignoring him which also seems unacceptable so it's pretty much damned if I do and damned if I don't but at least three evening has been peaceful not dealing with ss's nonsense.

My wife has some medical issues which make it hard for her to work so she receives disability but if I was gone shed be back at work I'm sure. And she does get around during the day just fine so I would think the house could be decent. I've tried to have the kids pick up after themselves but that as most things I need doesn't go over very well.
Regardless I've informed all that I will be in the weight room tomorrow by myself while ss is being rewarded for his crappy behavior with another day of travel league basketball. Tried to talk to the wife about my frustrations to no avail this evening after the kids went to bed so it's clear nobody wants to hear my feelings.

Thanks for the responses you all have given me some things to think about. And sorry for the misspellings my autospell seems to have a mind of its own. Less of my time and money are going to be the order around here I think, and more taking care of myself.

So she doesn't work because

So she doesn't work because she doesn't want to and she knows you won't force her to. Yup, your wife and her ex husband are both using you. And you are allowing them to do just that.

Melody3 is right he's

Paddle ... meet 10yo boy ass.

Paddle ... meet 10yo boy ass. End of problems.

Actually in all states with

Actually in all states with the exception of Delaware it is legal for an adult acting en loco parentis to utilize corporal punishment when disciplining a child in their care. That includes Sparents.

http://kidjacked.com/legal/spanking_law.asp

Just because a group of pseudo scientists have latched on to corporal punishment as a pet issue to attempt to legitimize their "profession" does not subvert the fact that corporal punishment has been an effective tool of discipline for likely the entire course of human history.

As an example of the effectiveness of corporal punishment I point out the two plus centuries of our own history where corporal punishment was used almost universally in our public schools as a disciplinary method. Two centuries without school shootings and far more effective education of our children than what we have experienced for the past 2 or 3 decades during which our education quality has degraded from the top of global rankings.

There are risks of legal consequences for utilizing corporal punishment and people should be aware of that but it is not illegal in the US ... except for in Delaware.

As I said. Paddle meet kid ass.

IMHO of course.

You are being taken advantage

You are being taken advantage of and it will continue until you put a stop to it.

I'd prefer a way to get him

I'd prefer a way to get him to start acting like a decent and respectful young man without putting my hands on him. My experience in martial arts could easily be used to make that a problem for me by his deadbeat father. My wife and I are going to have to find some common ground regarding the expectations and consequences for him. But I have to figure out a way to have that conversation without getting it turned around on me into a referendum over how little I understand her poor child.

Again I really do appreciate all of your perspectives, it's given me some resolve and some knowledge that I'm not crazy being irritated by this stuff.

I did have a WONDERFUL day yesterday NOT being at an 8 hour basketball tournament being disrespected by my ss and sitting around his idiot father! I told my wife this is how I intend to spend ALL of my Saturdays and Sundays. She can handle the activities with the boy on her own.

I'd prefer to avoid hitting

I'd prefer to avoid hitting him, I doubt in this case it'd change his attitude at ten. And my experience in martial arts makes that something that could be used against me by the sperm donor and/or mother.

I'm just going to have to start sticking to my guns about what I need and expect. I refused to go to his game yesterday and sit around his idiot father being ignored by all, and instead went to the gym and had a great day by myself of which more are in order. I made the wife drop him at practice tonight so I wouldn't have to deal with him and told her to feed the kids before I got home from work because I wasn't cooking. When she gets sick enough of dealing with him she'll do something with his attitude, and I'll be making myself busy in the evenings to make sure she HAS to deal with him.

I appreciate everyone's perspectives and advice, thank you so much. It's given me some resolve and a lot to consider.

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