A New "Symptom"
I've got my bf pegged for enmeshment issues. Enmeshed w/ Mommy and now doing the same to his son. We've broken up numerous times because of it, and now I think I might just have him around to psychologically dissect him. I started figuring this out about him when two months into the relationship, he did a 180 and all of a sudden he seemed to be WAY less interested. Anyway, this is what happened tonight. I want to lay it out and see what you all think.
We were talking on the phone, when all of a sudden he got quiet and said that son14's mom was pulling into the driveway....and is backing out. Then his son14 walks through the door. Not his night, not his week, there was no text or phone call from son14 OR his mom, he is totally caught off guard. I waited for him to ask him what was going on, but all I heard was him trying to act normal, like this was nothing weird. But his voice was a higher pitch, as if he were talking to a young child (or a pet). I'm still kind of sitting in silence, waiting for him to ask what's going on, but then realize he's talking to me, wanting me to finish the story he was telling me. And I'm baffled at why he's acting like this is normal. We finally get off the phone a few minutes later so he can ask him what the deal is, and he says he'll call me later.
About an hour later, he explains some story (always unclear, he leaves bits out) but mom needed to go into work early tomorrow morning (to go see her bf after work out of town), so she figured she would just take him to Dad's, so that HE could take him in the a.m. (They are week on/week off). I don't know what I said, but the gist of it is disbelief that he didn't say anything to the mom about this. Nothing. Not even, "You need to let me know before you just bring him here." All I'm thinking is, what would he be doing right now if he were at my house? He got SUPER defensive, said, "I HAVE a SON," (duh) and "It's not for you to worry about..." I literally didn't know what to say because I was so shocked that she had the balls to do this (HIS BALLS). Except I did say that it's not fair that SHE does these things and he takes it out on ME! He's bitching at the wrong person. He did mention how I totally changed once his son walked in the door, to which I pointed out how his voice had completely changed. It's that whole, "You just hate my kid!" syndrome.
WHAT'S THE DEAL? Is this just another symptom of emotional immaturity? He has no friends. Well, except his son. I mean, not only did mom not text or ANYTHING, neither did his son! Which means this will never end. When mom is done walking all over him, son will just pick right up. For.the.rest.of.his.life.
Uggghhh! Wwwwwhhhhhyyyyyy? I'm so sick of this. But it's like a freakin car wreck that you can't look away from...
Love the little there
Love the little }:) there LOL
"currently you have a relationship of conviniance..... not what people are dreaming of..."
Yep.
I have my own kids, I get it. But my kids don't control me. One of our biggest problems has been that whenever his son is around, his son tells him how to act and decides what happens, etc. His son is in charge. It's really unattractive.
I really don't like it. It's
I really don't like it. It's been an issue since the beginning. Yet two years later...here I am.
I guess I feel bad for him because he has so many issues and he wants to be in a relationship with me but he can't do it. He's 43, never married, still close with Mommy (esp after Dad died last year), and if I hear him say one more time that he and his son are "two peas in a pod" I'm going to puke. I mean he has NO friends. And it's a shame because he has a great heart and he's really funny, has a great personality. He's just... emotionally retarded.
I am the first one he has even found that he WANTS to be with, and he is perplexed at the problems he is having. He knows I want to marry eventually. But it's not going to happen without counseling. I love when we spend time together, and my kids really like him. But yeah, it's probably hopeless and I'm wasting time I could be spending with another divorced lunatic with kids LOL
In this situation, it doesn't
In this situation, it doesn't affect you because you are not living there. If your BF has a problem with BM, he needs to address it with her.
If you guys are planning on moving in together, than by all means, have a conversation with BF about boundaries. Although, from the sound of your post, you are not ready to live with your BF and this situation.
Our relationship got "stuck"
Our relationship got "stuck" because of these issues. Right, I won't be living with him. But we are trying to move in that direction (marriage) (not happening). I'm not going to be with someone who hasn't gotten his balls back from 12 years ago. I think the problem is that I know he isn't all of a sudden going to stand up to her just because he and I are married. If he can't do it now, he never will. Actually, she has one ball and son14 has the other.
This guy is never going to
This guy is never going to change and neither is the kid. Cut your losses before you waste one more minute.
We've broken up numerous
We've broken up numerous times because of it
You need to do it ONE more time.
One LAST time.
One LAST time.
I'm glad I wasn't drinking
I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything, because it would be all over my keyboard. Some things are just written so simply and are freaking hilarious. Seems to be a consensus here LOL
I think if it was reversed,
I think if it was reversed, if it was your ex husband coming by when ever he felt like it and dropping the kid on you with out any notice he would feel completely different. If he's already pulling the "You just hate my kid" thing, then that is what he lean on for the rest of your lives together. I'm sorry, but I would say cut your losses too.
I agree with Sally - if it
I agree with Sally - if it didn't work the first time, it's not going to work the second (or third, or forty-fifth). Why do you keep going back? You already decided he's not the one when you broke up with him - go find the RIGHT guy for you!
Yeah, and they don't realize
Yeah, and they don't realize A) that they're doing it, or
that they're doing it instead of handling appropriately whatever needs to be handled. Completely illogical. I don't parent that way. As a matter of fact, I can't stand when some of my friends parent like that. When someone refers to their tween as "cute/cutie, baby, munchkin", etc. it makes my skin crawl. I'm not mushy like that. I see too well into the future and where coddling leads.
I thought that's what I did
I thought that's what I did last time! I unfriended him, he deleted my number from his phone. Next thing I know, he's facebooking through a picture I had tagged him on asking me to call or text him (I didn't know that he had deleted me from his phone at that point). Then the texts started... It's really hard because he isn't a bad guy. I see where all the women here end up where they are. These aren't bad guys (most of them). They're just idiots. But I know you are right.