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Can't handle this, I'm in tears.

nikki_01's picture

Submitted by nikki_01 on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 2:20am

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I told my parents what's been going on because they are supposed to be my main support system... and I'm stressed to the max.

My mom gave me the third degree about how it's not H with the problems, it's me. They said I have been acting immature this entire time with H and SD, and how "It's time you become a responsible adult, and handle things the way they need to be handled. Just because you disagree/ don't like things he does doesn't mean run away from him. You two need to work this out." And then they told me I wasn't considering my DS and only thinking of myself and how I need to stop being selfish, look at how well their marriage is because they never considered divorce as an option etc. etc.

THEN my dad trying to..well I don't really know what (I am his only daughter, so "protect" me, maybe? IDK) texted H telling him "I don't know the details of what's going on, but what ever it is, it needs to be resolved. You asked her to marry you and you took a vow, you do what you need to do to make sure those vows are honoured."

So anyways, I have my mom telling me to go to counseling, my dad telling H needs to work this out with me, H is mad that my parents are involved in this now, he is telling me I need to go get help because if this family falls apart, I will be the reason why. He told me "the door is over there if you're gonna leave but (DS) is staying, you'll never take him from me. Full time/part time, nothing. I am not going to lose another kid."

I just stopped talking because I seriously can't even spit out anymore words to this man without tearing up. He got mad and took off with DS to MILS (who is literally right up the street) and gets her involved, idk what he told her but then SHE texted me saying "my girl, you need to get help from someone, I don't want all of this pointless drama and arguments going on around grandbaby"

So I'm the crazy one in everyone's eyes now. Guess I'll go check myself back into therapy alone like before. Brainwash myself into becoming Mary Poppins.

:?

Mikhaila87's picture

Submitted by Mikhaila87 on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 6:14am

There is a subject further down the forum.
You should get some professional support. It might make you stronger and strong enough to leave. However your mum might be frustrated with the way you keep letting yourself get treated. But when push comes to shove she will always be there for you. Keep strong. x

hatemyhusband's picture

Submitted by hatemyhusband on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 7:31am

I would expect MIL to think you are the problem, all DH family. But it sounds like some how, H managed to get your parents on his side. And he is bullying you. He said to paraphrase YOU ARE THE PROBLEM do what I say or else lose your son,

What he should say is I am a bully, I have destroyed another marriage and another child's family through my bullying and ass hole behavior. I have turned everyone against my wife,l

And yes, he's about to go on visitation with yet another child. That's what happens to assholes.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 11:18am

Sally, you were spot on.

If the OP's parents has only heard her complain about the way he treats his daughter, then mom thinking she being immature is to be expected. While parents are willing to help adult kids when they are in trouble, not many are willing to sit back and allow you to bounce in and out of their home.

If you want out of the marriage, leave. But you have to figure out how to support yourself and son (with CS) and not expect/depend on your family to do it for you. If you leaving, contact shelters, social service agencies... now. They will be able to point you in the right direction.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 8:29am

I agree with the others about not taking it to your parents or IL's, but you did and now you need to tell your parents and his parents the truth about the drugs. You need to tell him that it is unacceptable and you are done with the behavior. Get a back bone and do not tolerate the behavior.

See a therapist, but my bet is it will be to get stronger emotionally and prepare to get out of this marriage. I would start documenting the drug use in a journal.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 11:46am

"I've been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it our time? Certainly, there's nothing wrong with a little feast on our time."

nikki_01's picture

Submitted by nikki_01 on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 5:11pm

I found an apartment to rent in the last city I lived in...will be signing the lease at the end of the month. Our flight is booked for the 17 for "visit". I'm not coming back. I'm selling my belongings other than baby's and starting over once we are there. Looking to get my job back that I had in the states before I moved too (which looks promising, my old manager said they need help). I'm sooo nervous! But you're right, I need to stand firm with what I want and plant my feet and stick with it.
I'm not only leaving him because he smokes pot (something I just cannot condone, sorry to those who defend it) I'm leaving because he has become so disrespectful to me as a wife, a parent, and just as a person in general. Sad
Remind me to never get married again. Ever. Never Ever Ever.
...Unless it's a property brother Wink

nikki_01's picture

Submitted by nikki_01 on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 5:31pm

As far as anything further (divorce/custody), I'll start looking into it.
one of you pointed out that H might be saying that stuff now but he probably won't make the effort to even get visits.

so true, because like I said, when I went back for those 4 months he ONLY came the week son was born...he was too busy drinking wallowing in his sorrows about SD going home to HER mom, that he was blowing off work and didn't have the money to come down. and the 1 time he DID have money, he used it to fly SD home to him for thanksgiving....I guess that was my red flag right there, hey? Well I'll smarten up, I won't bother coming back here again.

nikki_01's picture

Submitted by nikki_01 on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 2:45am

Thanks guys. Just silently counting down the days again.

On the plus side, my apartment is pretty cute for just being 1 bedroom, and even better- it's AFFORDABLE. Dirol Biggrin

Mikhaila87's picture

Submitted by Mikhaila87 on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 7:21am

Well done! Keep strong and keep your head up. Like someone said above me (cant remember who, sorry) Delete everything! Not that he seems bothered enough to check..If he gets suspicious he may start looking. Delete everything! And print things that are needed and keep next to you or somewhere he just wont look.

Good luck!!

onthefence2's picture

Submitted by onthefence2 on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 8:33am

I'm not buying it. This sounds like the case of a spoiled girl not able to control her husband into being exactly what/how she wants him to be so she wants to run. Of course, I don't expect this place to be a shining example of what marriage vows mean, but after hearing one side of the story, you all are telling a !BM! how to disappear with his kid. Bravo.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 11:38am

Niki, I'm so glad to hear you have a plan to get yourself out!! I'm sorry your parents weren't more supportive, but I also wonder if you told them *everything* (like the drug use) or toned it down some?

Please keep us updated!!!

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 2:13pm

So glad you have a plan. I believe firmly in not giving up on a marriage, but it sounds like he is not worth saving and he doesn't care about you.

Do everything right and then you can tell your parents. Keep them out of it. Show them you are mature enough to handle this. Then tell them the truth about everything. They will support you.