Just thinking
I am just thinking tonight and I want to share my thoughts. There may be no answers for them but nonetheless.
My parents divorced by the time I was starting grade 2. I never was disrespectful to my step parents as a young child, even as a teenager it did not happen. I will be honest, I was the most out of control, badass young teen ever. But not once did I call either of my step parents names to their face or behind their backs. I honestly had no issues with them. I may have had issues with my parents that I did not fully recognize as a young teen however I never treated my parents or my step parents with the disrespect that I hear the teens and the young adults do on this site and for that matter in my own house with my skid.
Why could I, a product of divorce not hold my step parents accountable for the end of my parents marriage? Why did I stay secure that it was not my fault?
My mother had full custody, and I did not see my father a lot, I know that was his decision. I lived with her and my stepdad (her boyfriend still is after 30+ years) and I was always respectful. We had words once when I was 20 years old and he was upset that I wasn’t coming around much and accused me of being selfish. Once I told him my side of the story, that it was do to my mother’s increasing alcoholism that I was unable to come around as much as they wished, he respected my decision on that and has never questioned 20+ years later. Even after countless interventions I never make judgment on him for staying and enabling. I have supported him and told him if he ever decides to leave no one would ever make hi feel guilty for his decision.
I do not understand kids/skids today. The amount of entitlement and the lack of ability to adapt and love another person is terrible.
Disrespectful kids isn't
Disrespectful kids isn't something new. Growing up, we all knew the kid or kids who got away with talking back to their parents, teachers...
Some parents will paret8, some won't. Some step parents will check their SKS the very first time they step out of line, others are afraid to do so. All kid's will test the waters at least once. When they do, they will learn a very valuable lesson. They either learn that they are surrounded by adults who will put to foot to ass if they act the fool or that all/some of the adults in their lives won't do a damn thing about their behavior.
At some point most of us
At some point most of us whether a COD or from intact families have the realization that out parents are flawed. Some tragically, some only suffer from a tertiary flaw.
Far too many CODs seem to be on an endless quest to prove that one or the other of their parents and/or Sparents are at fault for the COD's issues. At some point the issues any of us inherit from our parents become our issues to resolve and only we can be blamed if those issues are not resolved.
It speaks very highly of you that you were able to move past any issues you inherited from your parents and Sparents.
Thanks for being an inspiration and an example.
I also was in your position.
I also was in your position. I adore my step father. And if I didn't have my dad in my life and just my step dad I still would have a great father figure in my life. I am lucky I have both. My step mum is also an amazing mother and she has taught me a lot as a child and now as a SM myself! I back chatted my step dad a lot. I never said anything behind his back I wouldn't have said to his face. We are a very open family, feelings are better out than in type thing. I am not sure if I ever disrespected either of my step parents, I don't feel I have. I respected them too much plus...I wouldn't have dared!! My parents wrath was enough to stop that. Just wish my Skid relationship will be half as good as mine.
I agree with you completely.
I agree with you completely. I would never dream of disrespecting any parental figure be it step or bio the way these skids do and my children have never treated their Step Father with disrespect. My skids seem to have things a little twisted in their minds. Somewhere along the line they have forgotten who is the Parent and who is the Child. They think that because they brought our beautiful Granddaughter into the world now we better show them the respect they deserve to be allowed to see her. It is so crazy, but I guess I will have to live without her in my life because I refuse to kiss anyones ass let alone one of our children. Very sad!
in the case of my SD14, she
in the case of my SD14, she is rude and disrespectful to her own parents, so why should I be any different? ive washed my hands of her at this point. this, because her parents spoiled her and gave her everything she ever wanted (demanded).
There was an item in the news
There was an item in the news yesterday. Recent research proves that parents who over-do telling their kids that they are special and make them believe they are better than other people produce self-centered narcissists:
http://psychcentral.com/news/2015/03/10/parental-role-in-developing-narc...
This is what happened to my SD.
I heard about it as well, and
I heard about it as well, and a book was being promoted called "The Narcissism Epidemic."
http://www.narcissismepidemic.com/
Are you going to buy the
Are you going to buy the book? Maybe I will. It would be interesting to see how they can cure narcissism.
I think we are in too deep
I think we are in too deep with this generation to cure it. I already know that SD19 is a narcissist and cannt be fixed. I just have to figure out how to get her to launch.
I have to tell you I was
I have to tell you I was awful to my 3rd Stepdad. By the time my mother had married 3 times I was over bonding and having them ripped away. Funny enough he lasted the longest. As I got older I tried to be a civil as possible, but my 3rd Stepdad was closer to my age and that made it harder. I even burned the poor man's clothes in the backyard in one of my epic fits as a teenager.
Now Stepmom I only had one and I loved her to death--she was a family friend so I had known her most of my life. I was over the moon when her and my Dad married. But then she shot him in the living room and killed him. So you can imagine I didn't treat her very well after that. You know the whole wrongful death suit does tend to create a break in a relationship. I never spoke to her again and don't even know if she is alive. She got to see my bad side as I took every asset except her clothes--the courts let her have that.
And I was raised to always show respect; and I did but my poor 3rd Stepdad was put through the ringer. It is hard to say may be one day they will regret some of their behavior.
My mother married Dad#3 by
My mother married Dad#3 by the time I was 7. He adopted me and my brother 2 years later, as my BF wasn't paying CS and would forget birthdays etc.
I always respected my SDad and to this day, "He is my Dad, the one who raised me." I am a lot like him, same attitude, same work ethic, same zero tolerance for stupidity. He can't believe the stories I have told him about DH, SD19 and SD13 over the past year.
I never wanted to cause trouble in my home as a child, and my SDad held me accountable whenever I did stupid shit. It wasn't that often. I knew that when the street lights came on, I was to go home. I knew to shower every night and get my clothes ready for school the next day. I knew that if I made a mess, I was to clean it up. This was all mainly as a tween. I had a schedule, and I did what I was supposed to. My Sdad raised me right, never spanked me, but would question my actions when I screwed up.
He made me THINK about my choices, and it worked.
I can't even get my skids to think. Or DH, for that matter!
~ Moon