Is my husband brainwashed?
The bio mother called the kids phone and talked to the kids last night. My husband got on the parenting website to see if she had read the message (thinking that was why she called to talk to the kids). She had logged on to the site but purposely not read his message talking about the transportation issue.
The boy (who is 12) got on the phone with his mom and started talking about what he was going to do after he got back from his mom's visitation this weekend (because they have monday off school and he wants to go with his uncle on a drive). When he got off the phone the boy said, "mom said if I get back before 'uncle' leaves then I should have a really fun time!"
My husband says, "great so she is dropping them off."
I do a double take, "did you hear that wording? 'uncle' is leaving at 10:30am. He said that on the phone to her. The kids are supposed to be back by 9am. Why would she say IF THE KIDS ARE BACK IN TIME?"
My husband, "She will drop them off."
What makes you think that with how much she always jerks us and the kids around?"
My husband, "she have them here at 9am. She will."
I had to leave the room because I got so overwhelmed... he trusts her to do the right thing? Really?
She is ignoring the messages he is sending...causing a problem where there wasn't one before...and it's not like this is the first time, it's her established pattern.
I feel like he is sticking his head in a hole in the ground and just hoping for the best.
He did say if she doesn't return the kids he will file contempt (after I showed him these site comments) and he said he emailed his lawyer. But then he said right after, "but she will have them here at 9am."
He was almost defensive about it...
I just wasn't him to have a plan of action in worst case scenario. I think he was too much of a push over to keep the peace both while they were married and before I came into the picture, but that's just theory,...obviously I wasn't there to know.
I guess he will see, one way
I guess he will see, one way or another. He won't be able to deny it if she doesn't drop them off.
He is hoping beyond all hope
He is hoping beyond all hope that BM is dropping the skids off and that she will be doing it by 9am. He does not want to think abut what is going to happen when she does not. he believes if he says it enough it will be so. *waves Jedi hand
My bride had the same
My bride had the same tendencies with the Sperm Clan during the first years of our CO and marriage. I am a
"past behavior is the best indicator of future performance" guy. DW would keep being nice to THEM because she felt she would build trust and at least not an unpleasant working relationship with them. Never happened. When she came to me once again in tears and upset about their bullshit I told her "no more tears" this happens every time you interface with them regarding the kid and I refuse to hear any more complaints or see any more tears about it. Either do something about it or I will and no-one will like that except for me. I will love every second of it.
She bucked up and started kicking them in the proverbial nuts. Rather than constantly placating them she then went on a ~2yr cycle of keeping her foot up their asses for about a year, loosening up for about 6mos, then another 6mos of their historical toxic, manipulative, shallow and polluted gene pool bullshit before DW would again put her foot up their ass. That went on for about 6ish years before I had to pull out the "I am tired of hearing about it when the same thing happens ever 2 years." No more loosing up on them or I will deal with it and .......
Time to inform your DH to shut up about it and deal with it conclusively and consistently or you will. Point out that she does the same shit, he says the same shit, and nothing ever improves.
It worked for me.
Good luck.
At that point she kept them pummeled into submission for the last 6ish years of the CO.