Stepkids choosing favorite siblings!!
My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We have his kids 50% of the time.
He has two kids ages 11 and 9. I have two also ages 10 and 9. We also have one baby together 1 1/2 and another on the way. My husband is also in the process of adopting my two older kids.
His ex, their mom, is married and her husband has three boys ages 10, 8 and 6. They also have three kids together.
My stepkids make it perfectly clear they prefer their moms other kids and their stepdads kids to my kids or the child their dad and I have together. They call the kids in those house their brothers and sister. They talk about them in our house all the time. ALL THE TIME. They have told my older kids that they actually spent their own money for their brothers (stepbrothers).
They won't look at our baby. They will flat out say she's not their real sister, only their HALF SISTER. Yet they will say their mom and stepdads kids are their real siblings. And they say my two are not their siblings at all. It causes hurt feelings every time. My stepkids flat out ignore my kids in school and have gone as far as to play with their "brothers" in front of them.
My husband brought it up to the ex, who said she was glad they were closer to that side of the family. She loves it!
I've had my daughter (10 year old) say she's just going to avoid them whenever they're here. She said it's not worth it to her anymore.
Another incident was my sons last birthday. The stepkids didn't want to come, but it was our week with them. They told my son the presents from them weren't really for them, they only buy for their real brothers. They proceeded to laugh in his face when he started to tear up.
The more this happens the more I want to tell my husband enough is enough. I understand his kids are kids. I get that. But they refuse to listen to my husband and seem to have little respect for what either of us has to say when it comes to apologizing for being mean, etc. He is a very good father and does everything he can to help the bond, but nothing works. We went to family counseling for a while but gave up because his kids saw it as a way of hurting my kids and nothing else.
We were told to be honest
We were told to be honest about how we felt and the kids used it to be very cruel toward my kids. Calling them stupid and saying they hated them, etc... A lot of it was just unnecessary, in my opinion, because they could never say why they felt like that.
I would rather know how YOU
I would rather know how YOU handle it?
The next time they say something like your DD is not their real sibling, you need to nod and say..."thank goodness"
Tell your kids to start ignoring them and try to keep them all apart. They are hatful little buggers. Do you really want your kids to be friends with them?
What did you say at your sons birthday? You should have said "that's right, yall are not REAL siblings thank goodness." And tell your son to toughen up a little. He sounds tender hearted which is good to a certain point, but he needs to learn to brush the little shits off.
But my first advice would be to live separately from your DH until he can control his kids or until they move. No sense in letting your kids be put through this. KWIM?
"You are absolutely right you
"You are absolutely right you little toxic crotch nuggets from your mother's polluted womb. My daughter does not share the shallow and polluted end of your gene pool. }:) "
I know, not cool ... but if only we could say what we are thinking to little POS toxic sex turds like these.
What ARE you guys doing?
What ARE you guys doing? Please tell me you're doing more than making them apologize. Deliberate cruelty is a big trigger for me. I DO NOT tolerate it in my home. EVER. When your SS laughed because he made your BS cry, he would have been sent to his room. And he would have STAYED there, for the week if necessary. He can stay alone until he feels able to behave in a civilized manner in communal areas.
I'd highly suggest parenting classes, for both you and your DH. Sounds like you need some new strategies because the ones you have are failing you.
And if those kids are as bad
And if those kids are as bad as they sound, they will double down on her kids. When a kid can't get to an adult, they will give his/her kids hell.
Since those kids are not afraid to fuck with her kids right on her face, this little game won't bother them at all.
The only way to adjust the
The only way to adjust the behaviors and attitudes of evil POS people who enjoy hurting others is to bring more pain to bear than they can tolerate. Regardless of how old or young the toxic assholes might be. Within reason of course.
So, the next time they are rude to their StepSibs or half sib in your family light their bare asses up with a paddle, march them to an empty room in your home with nothing but two antique wooden school desks, a stack of Big Chief tablets, a box of #2 pencils and a pencil sharpener and they can do nothing but write tens of thousands of sentences in perfect handwriting, perfect punctuation, perfect spelling, at a rate of 140/Hr until they get the message.
"I will not treat other people on a manner that hurts their feelings, I will not be rude to my siblings, I will not behave in ways that will cause my family to be upset, and I will keep my mouth shut if I cannot say something nice."
Any deviation from the quality standards of the sentences or failure to meet even a single hour's quota resets the counter. If the punishment is to write 10,000 sentences then every damned one of them had better be perfect and they had better make damned sure they hit at least 140 sentences for each hour they are writing which should be every free second they have when they are in your home.
Taylor the message of the sentence to address the unacceptable behavior.
Don't forget to turn their bare asses a nice, tender, cherry red before you put them into their very uncomfortable seats to begin writing. That makes their focus on the task at hand significantly less distracted.
Grrrrr! Those little prior relationship fuck nuggets need a lesson in decency and politeness.
I made mine write essays -
I made mine write essays - together. Topic of my choosing, like Respect, Kindness, Humility, Honesty, etc., depending on the behavior that led to it Length was age-appropriate. But required to write intro & closing paragraphs together, then a number of paragraphs on their own. So little maybe one, elder two or three. (Neatness and spelling counted - and they knew better than to just copy from the dictionary!) And then they had to read it to me.
Of course, this was usually due to their arguing and/or being mean to each other. So promoted cooperation. In OP's case, separate work (especially if one gets it done and the other doesn't) may be more effective.
Thank you for all the answers
Thank you for all the answers everyone!
My stepkids are very tough. You can take away all their possessions and make them sit in a room and it wouldn't work. Honestly, my husband and I have discussed it and we both believe they want to make us so angry that we tell them they can't come any more. That's what it looks like to us anyway. We've tried grounding them while they're here, but their mom and stepdad never follow through. So if they do something the day they leave, they don't get punished for the rest of the week. I think my husband has considered saying they don't have to come, but he wants to get through to them.
Sentences! From the second
Sentences! From the second they walk in the door until the second they leave to go back to moms.
..or.. you could put on your
..or.. you could put on your acting gear and really pile it on next time the li'l shits mouth off to yours..
Skid: "YOUR'RE not my REAL brother..!!"
You: "Oh PRAISE THE LORD and THANK YOU JESUS.. you are soo right skid..and I am SOOOO GRATEFUL FOR THAT!!"
BS: (singing).."that is so true..so wonderfully true..I'm just so damned happy..I'm not related to you.. (sung in tune to happy birthday to you)
.and high five your kid while you both do a happy li'l dance..throw in a friggn' pirouette in there if you can..!
Turn the tables on them.. make them feel like they're missing out on something wonderful. Teach your kids to handle this with humour and how to rise above it all.