DH drove out of state to His GS2 birthday party today.
It was a party at OSD house with just her DH, their DD4, my FIL and MIL, the kids other grandparents, my DH and his ex wife. It is one thing when these kiddie parties are at a party venue with other kids around. Quite another thing when they are an intimate family setting party.
DH drove there early this morning and was back by 4 pm. About 8 hours on the road total. It is bad enough that his daughters are all royal B!?T!Hes and I am disengaged. I don't even know how to feel anymore besides hopeless and depressed every time these events roll around. I have never even seen in person this two year old or the other one from YSD that is about 1 1/2 yrs old.
DH calls me when he is on the drive, I did not answer till the afternoon. I feel like it is just rubbing my face in the exclusion when he constantly calls me on these trips. Just go visit your pretend everything is ok family and leave me alone.
On top of everything he walks in the door and wants me to make love to him. Ugh. Right after you just were in the company of the ex wife and the hater OSD...like I want some of that near me.
I don't know anymore. I feel like they will win out in the end anyway. I just don't care about anything anymore.
My puppies and two grand babies are all that give me any joy in life.
A lot lately I feel like I am losing my ever loving mind. Just losing it.
Does anyone even care that I was not there? No. Did DH's parents even send home with him a hello there we missed you? No. Does DH even care? Doubt it...he is snoring away and I am venting on here.
He can go the see his folks and brothers alone at Thanksgiving too....they have put in the demand early this year. Yet it was not extended personally to me...and why the hell would I want to spend a holiday with them anyway? I have tried...it does not go well. No point in trying again.
I will ask him before then what day he wants to share Thanksgiving with me here at home with the pups. Or maybe I will just wait till then and tell him to have a nice trip without me. He never gives me any real notice of his plans in regards to visits with the haters. We have the pups now and I am not kenneling them at holidays to go spend with people who I don't want to be around.
It has been three years since the MSD caused the train wreck that is now my life as a step. I never wanted to be any kind of step anything to the adult skids. thought it would all be so different.
Do you have family that you
Do you have family that you can surround yourself with? If you do, I would immerse myself in them for holidays and get togethers. Maybe you could host a few of your own? If you don't like his kids, it's best he go alone. He probably knew it hurt your feelings to some degree which is why he wanted sex. Maybe let him see what that feels like though, to be rejected and excluded.
maybe you could run off to an event and leave him behind as well? Don't forget any of those juicy details when you relay it to him later. Thank goodness his kids live far away and you don't have see be bothered with them all the time!
Sometimes you have to decide
Sometimes you have to decide what you DO want, and work backwards.
You want to have Thanksgiving with DH without his awful family. So book a great vacation cabin that accepts pets, and invite him to join you. He can accept or not, but at least he's making it clear whether he prefers your company or his brother's.
And either way, YOU have a great time.
Nah... this is just wrong,
Nah... this is just wrong, wrong, wrong on so many levels. This would be a hill to die on for me. Your DH needs to get his head out of his ass, and put his priorities back in the right order. You are his wife, fact. He needs to get his family in check, or blow THEM off. You deserve better than this.
Why DO you accept this behavior? Why don't you slam down the gauntlet?
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your replies.
My kids and grandkids live a couple hours away. I can go see them whenever I want but it is harder for them to come visit and travel in the winter months is not good.
I tend to be introverted and do not mind being on my own a lot. So being around people at the holidays is not necessary, I am ok to have alternate dates with my kids as I know they have other family gatherings in their area to attend. Oftentimes my son works on the holiday anyway.
I do not care if DH goes to see his folks at Thanksgiving. I just do not want to go along. It is over 4-5 hour drive in a congested area with holiday traffic. I was going to go last year with him but on the condition that we stay overnight in a hotel instead of their house. His dad insisted that we stay with them. I was so angry that DH put his dad's wishes before mine. Every time we have stayed there it has been uncomfortable for me and I wanted to at least have a place to go and sleep overnight away from them. I bailed on going last year and DH stayed home with me for Thanksgiving day and went the next day for an overnight. He ended up sleeping on a couch as the two Stepsons of the brother were visiting and they each had the guest rooms. So where would we have slept if we had gone together the night before? Probably on the pull out sofa in the in laws LR or an air mattress. They do not have a guest room of their own in their part of the house they have with the brother.
So anyway, I have no wish to ever go there again. They all just talk of the past and people I never met. And I am sure they have all been poisoned against me by the MSD.
I have been to therapy. It does no good. I just refuse to go to any more of his family events. I am just down that it has come to this. I was so naive in the beginning. With all our children grown when we met and married I thought we would have a different sort of experience. But his daughters never accepted me and here we are.
I think he wanted to have sex when he came home from his visit because he was having a good day, happy to have seen his Gkids. I should have not answered his calls at all. It made him think everything was ok. We used to be so in tune with each other. Now we seem so out of step. I have to stop longing for those days and try to make something new of what is left.
It is just hard when the bad days come and there is no energy to do anything.
I do not put up with much...the skids are not allowed in my home. I do not talk with DH about them. Rarely does he even talk about the Gskids. Not much for him to say as he does not see them much. It is sad for him.
We have each other and that is good most of the time. Just when the skid events roll around it casts a shadow.
I must remember this too shall pass.
Agreed! Evidently he lets
Agreed! Evidently he lets everyone else tell him what to do in life except you. Sounds like a push over to his family.
I agree 100%. Your DH is
I agree 100%. Your DH is letting his family know you and your marriage takes a back seat to them and their desires. He needs to get his priorities straight. I also agree that he asked for sex, plus making all of the phone calls on his journey, to make himself feel better. He KNOWS it's not right. I don't care if DH wants to visit SD but Holidays are out.
One other poster suggested you spending time with your family on a holiday and leaving him at home. Maybe let him experience a bit of what you've been going through.
Well honestly, I feel for
Well honestly, I feel for you. I truly do, my dogs are my family. We have two, and I hope to always have two until my dying day. I have provided for them in my will.
At least you have YOUR kids and your own grandkids to concern yourself with.
I have no one. All of my family has passed away, parents etc., and I was an only child. My husband is my family, and here I was thinking my situation would be different, just like everyone here... my "step family" would be great, blah blah blah blah. BS. That B, SD36 doesn't give a d&^% about anyone but herself. I can't wait to see what happens on father's day next week. That should be interesting.
Yes Overit1960 my pups are
Yes Overit1960 my pups are fast becoming the only family I trust. Even when they play too hard and beat up on me! I wish it were different for all of us here...it is sad that our situations seem to be becoming the norm in society rather than the exception.
My DH does avoid confrontation. He is not one to go to counseling...he would rather stuff down his feelings. I have no faith that he would have my back if I agreed ever to be around the skids or in laws. It is better not to find out and just stay away.
As far as the sex goes...I have not been very interested for a couple years. Ever since three years ago when the MSD stayed here for 5 horrible weeks I have felt no obligation to see to his needs. I feel no guilt if it has been awhile, I just don't care. My need for sanctity in my home was violated so to heck with it all. If I feel like it fine...otherwise no.
I will never feel like it after one of his visits with the haters. I even made some comment to him yesterday about all he cared about was if I serviced him. And that I would not want to do that after he spent the day with his ex. The next time I will not answer his calls. That drives him nuts. Yes let him see how it feels to be ignored.
Yes it is time to go away somewhere without him. I have a short trip away planned for later in the summer to help a friend with a job. I plan to take an extra day to visit some other friends in the area. It will be nice to get away.
He was starting to annoy me today taliking about photos he took of the Gskids and stuff the OSD has at her house. General stuff but because it involves them it annoys me to no end. Thankfully there was lots of yard work to do for the rest of the day on opposite ends of the yard.
Puppies are the best, they give lots of love and stay pups forever.
After 10 years of both dh and
After 10 years of both dh and his family omitting me from their family gatherings, I gratiously decline invitations to their baby
showers, graduation gatherings, and birthday parties. They never amount to much more then crappy food and very crowded
conditions in one of their apartments or picnic style gathering at a local park. If it's one of their better planned gatherings, 2 to 3
people might remember to bring a dish of cold food. Everyone expects someone else to supply the food. My standard excuse is
the 3 hr. drive and I can't leave a large Boxer Pit mix dog alone at home. Dh is somewhat lacking when it comes to the idea that
these gatherings are gift giving occasions. Without my input on appropriate items he has been known to show up empty handed or with useless gifts. I offer no advice and he has become less and less interested in going .