Adult Kids over during Dinner Party and Husband is mad at ME
I had a small dinner planned with myself, my husband and another couple (nothing elegant, just our friends over for a cookout). We had these arrangements for a week and a half. House is clean, table set and our friends arrive. They are not here two minutes and in walks my husband's 23 year old son and his girlfriend. They immediately open the fridge and get themselves a beer and make themselves at home and join in. Also, 23 year old brought his basket of laundry and proceeded to do his laundry. My husband has two sons (23 and 22) and they live very close. They are over, if not every day, darn near close to it and, sometimes multiple times a day. Anyway, I understand that they are his kids and he loves them. But this night was not about them, it was about having our friends over for dinner. My husband tends to switch all his attention to his kids and their girlfriends when they are over and that leaves me having to conduct about 75% of the conversation with our friends (or whomever is over). This happened on Friday night and on Saturday I was quiet and my husband asked me what was wrong and I told him that I would like at lease ONE dinner party we have where his son and girlfriend don't come over. WELL, that just set my husband off and he started screaming at me that they are his kids and they are welcome here whenever they want and that I am a mean hateful person because I didn't want them over during our dinner with our friends. We live in Ohio and MY only son (who is 29) lives in California. My husband is now saying that when my son comes home for Christmas that he is not allowed to stay at our house.
Does California have good
Does California have good weather in December? It's probably about time you found out....book yourself a flight to visit your son. Let your husband cater to his invasive brood for Christmas.
We HAVE bought a washer/dryer
We HAVE bought a washer/dryer for step-sons (for the house they live in with their bio mom)....now the one's we bought them are broke. Step-son's BOTH work full-time. BOTH have girlfriends that live with them and they ALL live with step son's bio mom (who happens to be an R.N.). But NONE of them want to pay for a new washer and dryer. Both boys live rent free with their mom, they pay no utilities, no nothing. Again, they are at our house often to eat. When I tell my husband that one of them should buy the dryer and one should buy the washer to help CONTRIBUTE to the household they are living in he says they shouldn't have to spend their money on that and that they can't afford it. Again, even though each has a full-time job. Also, I then get the comment from my husband that they are his kids and they can bring their laundry over any time they want.
Good grief! Please excuse my
Good grief! Please excuse my clumsiness.
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I remember you, and I'm sorry
I remember you, and I'm sorry that things haven't improved for you.
Your DH has told you from the beginning that his sons come first. He is a jerk par excellence and now he's using threats to control your behavior. It's bad enough to have rude skids intruding all the time, but adding a spouse who is cruel and domineering makes your situation untenable.
Why have you stayed?
What are you getting out of your marriage?
Have things improved at all over the past year?
When we have had dinner
When we have had dinner parties in the past I have tried that route of politely, in advance, asking my husband that I would appreciate it if his kids didn't stop by as we are having guests over and, again, he will not listen to that suggestion. Again, his come back is that they are his kids and they can come over any time they want.
With regard to the comment about why would young 20 year olds want to be hanging out with older people on a Friday night, I agree with that 100% it's just plain odd. I know for fact one of the reasons is because of the FREEBIES (i.e., free food, free beer, etc.) My husband calls his two boys every day non-stop. Even though they are 23 and 22 the very last thing he does every night is to call them and see where they are at, what they are doing, and who they are hanging with.
I think you are both over
I think you are both over reacting. When I married Dh, he was my neighbor. My home was rented out to his nephew and at another time my son. They were told " call before coming over, that way neither of us will have the embarrassment of an unexpected interruption in the middle of sex."
No one here said there isn't
No one here said there isn't a problem with what the SS's are doing. :?
The OP isn't doing anything to change things.
She could tell his kids they aren't welcomed as much. She could have told the SS and his girlfriend to leave. She could tell her husband that being in a marriage when her wishes are completely ignored, isn't an option for her.
She had the power to change the things that are going on, but is making the choice to do nothing.
OMG! They are mooching of BM,
OMG! They are mooching of BM, you and your asshole DH. Yet, they can not afford a washer and dryer. Do the girlfriends work? WTF! What are they spending their money on...DRUGS! I just wondering...where does BM wash her clothes? LOL.
How long has this been going on? Your DH is living in a cloud. How dare your DH compare his sons to your son. He just turned the subject to your son because... he does NOT want to see his sons as the mooches they are. I would tell him so and laugh in his face.
HUGS!
I really can't find too much
I really can't find too much sympathy for you...this is all but the exact same post you've put up over the course of three years. Same topic. Same results from your DH. This isn't about a broken washer/dryer. Absolutely nothing is different and/or changed a bit from last year, the year before or the initial post three years ago. Not even your own reactions to it. Sure, you pop up now and then and whine, then go off and continue the same old routine. Kids all over your home each and every day. Each and every time Dh tells you to shove it and life goes on.
So this time have you finally had enough? You're not going to get anything different/changed in your home until you take a stand with your DH and mean it or leave him. He just doesn't care that you don't like the kids there all time and he doesn't care you're unhappy over it. Sure you whined. Sure as the sun came up this morning these boys will be over by evening. You'll pout. Dh will tell you to shove it. You'll fight a bit with him and that's it. Life as normal in Dh's world.
Is it right? No. Would the majority of SMs here put up with it? No. All I can assume is that while you're unhappy about it, you have no intentions of doing anything about it. You're afraid Dh will say 'if you don't like it you can leave'? I don't know. I do know that only you have the ability to make yourself happy and change things for yourself...but until you are ready to do that, if ever, this is your life and the way it will be. You have the power to take your home back one way or the other. Nobody here can do that for you and nobody here can slap your DH into being who and how you want him and your home to be.
Two separate issues. H can
Two separate issues. H can have his kids over every day if that's what he chooses, they can do laundry and have a beer or whatever.
BUT, if there are invited guests at a dinner then it is rude to ignore your guests 75% of the time. H is entertaining, greet his son and son girlfriend, let him know they are entertaining. Son and girlfriend hang out in another part of the house. H POLITELY entertains his guests.
This is a rude rude rude man. Who the F invites people over then proceeds to ignore. Ignorant and rude.
My house, my rules. One of my
My house, my rules.
One of my house rules, now that all the kids are gone is to walk around with barely anything on. Or if I decide, nothing on.
It is also my prerogative to jump my husband before dinner, after dinner and if I so choose During dinner.
If you are comfortable with your body, having someone see you naked is embarrassing for them not you.
But they usually call first if/when they walk in and you are atop their dad on the dining room table with sex toys around
I would have made the
I would have made the girlfriend feel little and privately told her you had planned the dinner party with just a small group of ya'lls friends. Perhaps told the son since the daddy, your h is a pussy. I be damned if someone told me my son that hardly ever came over had something to say about him. When you marry, all the kids are suppose to get treated fairly and they are both your kids of the Union. Now if one was being rude by what you're saying then yea, it's a problem .