Yet another SD horror story
DH took his yearly trip to visit SD in her home state and planned on staying for 10 days. Fine by me. Here's what happened when he was gone: My mom was hospitalized for kidney failure and I have primary responsibility for her care, days later I had a root canal and the dr. sent me on my way despite my telling him I was seeing double and I didn't think I could drive, and my mom comes home to live with me because she can barely walk or take care of herself. It was at that point, dealing with a bad reaction to the root canal and taking care of my mom AND working at a job where summer is the busiest time for me, yes it was at that point where I asked DH to come home early from his trip to help me. He said NO. Three days later I ended up in the emergency room for dehydration and a severe reaction to an antiobiotic. It was then that DH flew home the next morning. So basically I have to be dying for him to leave his precious SD.
Come to find out that SD was laying the guilt trip on DH for not staying to see gskid's kindergarten graduation, "like he promised." She tells him that he shouldn't have left because it wasn't "life or death". She felt her daughters kindergarten graduation to be of the utmost importance, more important than DH attending to his sick wife.
DH is responsible for this. I don't care what SD did or said, DH should have come home when I asked him to. As for SD, I don't like her. I didn't like her before, now I REALLY don't like her. So next time I hear that I don't care about SD or gskids, I'm ready to say, "Why would I care about someone who doesn't care if I am dead or alive?"
Wow... I hope you're feeling
Wow... I hope you're feeling better now... that's a lot to deal with... He should have come home without you having to ask at all.
Your DH is a dickwad for doing that... and his daughter should no longer exist to you....
That is awful and I hope you
That is awful and I hope you and your mother are doing better.
I would be livid with my DH if he pulled something like that but the truth is, he wouldn't go visit SD for 10 days without me.
How awful for you. I hope you
How awful for you. I hope you and your mother are feeling better, and that she has many more years on this earth.
When you are stronger and the time is right, I hope you tell your H that he let you down when you really needed him. He needs to hear it.
Thank you for your comments
Thank you for your comments and support. This happened a couple of months ago. I just posted about it now. My mom is still living with us and slowly recovering. I'm not sure if she will be able to go back home or if she will need assisted living.
DH knows that he screwed up. I told him in no uncertain terms how disappointed I was in him when he didn't come home when I asked him to. I also told him that he is not taking any vacations in the summer when I am busy with work. It's just too hard on me. I am better, by the way. I never get sick, not even a cold. So it was quite a shocker to be in the ER like that.
Since then, he has been wonderful about helping my mom. He has taken her to get her bloodwork done and out to breakfast, helped more around the house, and straightened out some financial matters for her. Yet when SD came to town (you see, he was supposed to drive back with her so that she wouldn't have to drive alone with gskids halfway across the country, and that's another reason she was mad), he got pissy that she and gskids couldn't stay overnight here. Gskids had colds and because my mom's immune system is weak, the dr said she shouldn't be around anyone that is sick. So what it comes down to is DH is an awesome husband except when SD is around.
Their relationship has always been inappropriate and lacking boundaries. With her living in another state you'd think it wouldn't matter but look at what happened. I'm glad it opened my eyes to what she is really about -- herself.
I feel for you. I cannot
I feel for you. I cannot fathom where grown SDs get off pouting and demanding things of their fathers? You were ill and your mother too. If she had an ounce of decency she would have insisted that he leave and take care of you. You can bet if she was that sick she would have expected him to come running.
I'm sorry it happened. Don't
I'm sorry it happened.
Don't get mad, get even. The day that he needs you to take care of him will come so give him exactly what did to you and reminded him what he's done to you. Hand him the phone so he can call his daughter. You will have to wait for a little while but it will come. Just be patient in the mean time take good care of yourself and your mom:)
Best of luck.
A.
Skeeter, I will probably have
Skeeter, I will probably have to take care of my DH someday. I don't have a problem with that. I hope I remain in good health so that I can help him. What I do have a problem with is nasty steps thinking they know why we do what we do. I'm sure my SDs will same the same thing about me as they do about you. And you are absolutely right... their day will come. In the meantime, we do what's right.
Did your husband understand
Did your husband understand the severity of your situation when you asked him to return early? I cannot imagine being placed in such a hard spot and husband refusing to help. To the point where you had to be hospitalized and SD still wants her dad to stay for a kindergarten graduation? Wow, sometimes I swear these spoiled rotten kids need to slip inot our shoes and then see how it feels.
Glad to hear you and your mom
Glad to hear you and your mom are better.
I can totally envisage myself in such a situation. I think my DH would be more sensitive as he claims I'm his number one priority. But SD28 is absolutely capable of pulling this shit on us.
I hope you're able to get through to your DH soon. Lotsa luck xx
Better get to therapy. 10
Better get to therapy. 10 days with SD is a bit excessive... especially without you. (but WHY you would even want to go EVER is beyond me...) in any event, a few days to visit would be enough.
Your DH needs an attitude adjustment. You are the one he SLEEPS with every night, he should have said "see ya" to his little daughter and got back home to help you. I too will probably have to take care of my husband. That worthless POS SD36 will be nowhere to be found. Only when it comes to time to ask for money, that is.
Tell your DH he needs to reassess his priorities. I'm certain the therapist will agree on that. Otherwise I might be seeking legal counsel. Why spend your life and your time with someone who doesn't give a damn?
There have been several
There have been several instances where DH did not make my health a priority when he should have. One time I broke my leg and he kept insisting it was just a sprain - even though I could not walk on it and asked him to take me to the doctor. After a week and 1/2 of pain I drove to the doctor myself and found out I DID break my leg. There was one time when I was on the verge of a mental breakdown because of the abuse I was taking at work. I wanted to quit. DH pulled a fit. The doctor told me to take a week off but DH told me I should go back to work or they would think I was nuts. I could go on and on. I still can't trust him to be there for me. I love DH but if he needs someone to care for him if he is not able to take care of himself he will be on his own.