BM has found Jesus........religious preferences?
So all of a sudden BM and her new hubby are taking the skids to church every week. Not a bad thing in my honest opinion however its a bit of a joke this woman pretending to be a Christian. However, now skids want to say grace before meals when they are with us. FDH is very much against this as this is not his preference and so we are puzzled if we should let them say grace and this new fad may go away (pattern of BM's fads). I am more in favor of joining them in saying grace and keeping the peace on this one. Usually FDH and I are the opposite. But FDH feels they are being indoctrinated into a religion that is not of his choice. What they do with BM is up to her and he wants them to switch off the religious thing when they are with us. I know, I know, he should talk to BM (that is not going to happen!!) so I am looking for advice from anyone on the topic of different religious beliefs between the two houses.
Good point about the
Good point about the forgiveness! I am highly amused at our BM and her DH strutting off to church each week now, they are the farthest thing from Christian in their behavior or thoughts. That is what is so irritating for FDH, its the sheer hypocrisy. But I feel they are still kids and I like your suggestion to let them say their grace and we can just not join in. This will pass off! BM wont be able to keep up this holier than thou act and will piss fellow church goers off soon enough :jawdrop:
"Kids, we give each person
"Kids, we give each person the choice to say grace silently in our home. Say grace if you wish but say it silently."
End of issue.
What I have found is that newly minted Christians who are engaging in Christianity after a long bout of rediculous poor behavior are often the type of people who swing to the extremes. What they often fail to realize is that their sins may be forgiven theologically but may not be forgiven by those they have wronged.
Tune BMs ideas out when the kids are at your home and stand on the "you are free to believe whatever you want but you are not free to force it on anyone else in this home" perspective. DH will have come to a mid point on this issue as BM is apparently putting the full court press on the kids to engage in her new found piety and he will have to tread this road intelligently to not alienate his kids or drive them to extremes of fervor.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
I'd probably take charge of
I'd probably take charge of grace and make it a short and sweet thank you for the food we are about to eat - you could be thanking anyone. Being grateful for what one has is not a bad trait and one does not have to be religious to express thanks and gratitude. You do not need to include God or Jesus in your statement of gratitude unless you want to.
Here's a couple of examples (I didn't write these):
We are thankful for the food on this table.
We are thankful for this time together.
Our thoughts go out to family and friends;
We hope that they are safe and well.
•Or:
For the meal we are about to eat,
for those that made it possible,
and for those with whom we are about to share it,
we are thankful.
BM the former town ho/bike is now uber religious. I did look at her FB the other day to see if she was posting about SS30's baby to be with GF. She must post every 20 minutes. I got tired of looking. She was going bat shit crazy over the evils of gay marriage.
I'm not kidding there must have been dozens of posts about what true Christians must do to overcome this heresy of two loving people committing to each other in marriage. The horrors! Just another reason for me to dislike this woman.
I don't know... I suppose it
I don't know... I suppose it depends on how important religion and questions of faith are to your FDH. For myself, I don't care if the skids (or my own) choose to be Catholic, Jewish, Wiccan, or atheists. For ME, as long as no one demands I believe as they do (and as long as their faith isn't harming them, such as a cult like Tom Cruise's), I just don't care enough to start a holy war (pardon the pun) over it.
However, your FDH may well feel differently, and that's completely legitimate. Matters of faith are deeply personal, and raising your child to have your beliefs is "life or death" important to some people and some religions. (Some, for example, believe that straying from the faith jeopardizes the child's immortal soul - something any loving and decent parent would fight tooth and nail.)
IF, however, he wants to fight it because "religion" is coming from BM, then I'd say no, that's not a battle that's morally worth fighting. But if he's trying to protect his child's soul, as he sees it, and legitimately believes that, then it is worth it.
I agree with notasm. I would
I agree with notasm. I would also like to say that I feel children should be taught good manners and thank you is manners. How that is done should be your choice.
BTW, I don't understand SM's that are not grateful for any positive changes in the BM's home. Whether it is for a day a week or longer. We have to keep the children in mind. I do agree that sometimes it is just a manipulation tactic but we should encourage the children to be positive and live positive.
I would love it if BM would quit her bar hopping, drugging and sleeping around long enough to be a positive influence for SS.
Maybe it doesn't apply in this situation but either side should not feel pressured to compete or down grade the other home for whatever they do, don't do, have or don't have as long as it is going in a positive motion. just saying...
I can think of a lot worse
I can think of a lot worse things than children wanting to say grace! My goodness let them! Giving thanks is a nice habit to start.
I agree that the skids saying
I agree that the skids saying grace is fine, it is definitely a positive thing, better than the normal negative stuff. But after 6+ years with BM I feel it's another phase of hers. FDH is more concerned with a religious belief that he does not share being shoved down their throats. I like all your suggestions to let them say grace but silently. My bio daughter is not happy with the situation either and it's just so out of the blue. Our skids BM is an orthorexia "pure food paleo only" nut job, meal times are fraught with issues as it is. Put a normal carbohydrate on the table and the skids start going spastic. Now we have religious differences too. It gets exhausting. We will definitely let them say grace silently but it's the whole holier than thou stuff that bugs me. BM had a well known affair with a married doctor twice her age and now goes all pious. Excuse me while I have to go throw up
Well, not sure what your
Well, not sure what your faith is but part of being a Christian is not judging others. Maybe it is a phase on her part but who cares. Hopefully it won't be for the kids. I think your DH should be the bigger person here. Our world is so messed up anymore. I think if someone wishes to give thanks or express their religion their home should be a safe place to do it. What are your DH beliefs...whatever they are he needs to share his constructively with his children not get angry that BM is sharing hers. By the way I'm a Christian and I'm guilty of passing judgement all the time so that wasn't an insult...it's just that we're all guilty of it. I can think of so many things my BM does that I hate but embracing religion, which she doesn't, wouldn't be one of them. Everyone likes to preach tolerance but in my opinion DH should show tolerance for a practice and a belief, a nice one of giving thanks, that his kids are embracing. Good luck.
What about a moment of
What about a moment of silence so everyone can prepare for the meal in their own way?
Say this universal
Say this universal prayer:
Rub a dub dub
Thanks for the grub
Yea God
Eat!
Ha ha You'll have plenty
Ha ha }:) You'll have plenty of good company down in the hot place Sally. I'll be there to greet you!
If it's not your h preference
If it's not your h preference then he can have his own prayer at his dinner table. It's both ya'lls house. Be kind but firm! If you choose not to have a prayer then let them have their prayer but if they shall pray or start correcting you then find a church of YOUR choice and take then on ya'lls time. They have to make their own minds (in time) up into which religion they want because they are not robots. Be the better parents and get your facts straight or it will backfire. I wouldn't condoned the BM because it seems like she is trying to make a good life even if she made mistakes, as long as she don't come into your home trying to force her rules and regulations then you can say, " God gave you a brain so use it."
Why don't you have them say
Why don't you have them say this grace:
Lord thank you for the food prepared by our generous "Stepmom"!