Implementing house rules?
What was a summer visit turned into SS13 now living with us full time. BM (who lives out of state) pretty much had no set structure or rules for him. It drives me up a wall that we have to tell him to take showers and change his clothes, to put his dirty dishes in the kitchen and not leave them on his bed (or on the TV stand all night long and we end up finding ants in the morning...omg I wanted to kill him!). He plays on his computer all day long except for at dinner time or we when take him out somewhere, part of which I understand, he's new up here and has no friends. But he also stays up until two or three in the morning and sleeps until one or two in the afternoon.
And oh...OH! He uses a new cup every time he gets something to drink. Every. Single. Time. Which means he's going through six or seven cups a day. Guess who's the dishwasher in the house? Me. This journey has just begun and I feel like cheese against a grater when it comes to this kid.
His dad and I both agree he needs structure and rules, and definitely needs to learn some responsibility and discipline. But we also don't want to just throw this list of "here's what you're going to do" at him. We know that will cause problems.
Any advice on how to go about introducing the house rules and his chore list in the least stressful manner for all involved?
You and Dad draw up the
You and Dad draw up the rules, chores and household expectations first. Then you sit down as a family and discuss with SS how each member of the home has expectations and responsibilities. A home takes all members to do their part so the home runs smoothly blah blah.
As who knows what his home life was like before, it will be an adjustment. You'll both have to remind and repeat. You'll have to introduce consequences and discipline. Oh and the glass thing? Buy a package of red solo cups (lol) and he gets one glass a day. He'll figure out how to rinse/wash it.
Okay, the red solo cup idea
Okay, the red solo cup idea is hilarious and brilliant!
good luck with this. it only
good luck with this.
it only works if you and the kids father are in agreement with the rules AND if you both agree to enforce them.
i tried this and it was a miserable fail. my fiance doesnt think his daughter should have any rules, structure or discipline. he's happy as a clam to pick up after her, and do everything for her short of wiping her ass.
Sit him down, give him the
Sit him down, give him the rules. He is 13. He gets no opinion. Then enforce the rules. He complies or he suffers the consequences of his actions.
IMHO the only fix to detox a kid from the toxic influence of the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool is accountability and to apply consequences for non compliance to the behavioral standards of the home. Compliance returns pleasant existance. Nonconformance returns unpleasant existance.
A very simple cause and effect for the results of kid behavior.
The key is to let him know that it is entirely on him to either have a pleasant experience in the home .... or not. Let him choose then let him either enjoy or suffer the results of each of his decisions. The message is that it is entirely on him to choose and be accountable for the results of his choices.
No parental guilt, no parental anger, just cause and effect. If he gets angry, the consequences get more severe and unpleasant. Simple.
Just my thoughts of course.
Good luck.