Food for thought...
Here is a thought-provoking question for people who are prone to being child-centric: How is any one life superior to another? At what point does a person's needs become invalid just because those needs may be different from those of an infant or a minor? If everyone believes that their child is the "exception", how come a similar behavior evoked by another person's child is less-than-acceptable? If our parents thought that we were special and put us first simply because we were their children, how come we in turn are not putting ourselves and our own needs first later on in our lives when we have our OWN ?..I could go on and on...Just some food for thought. I think biological parents think with their heart (and their hormones) and not with their head many times.
Even MORE relevant: Why is it acceptable not to get along with an SO's biological parents but when we have a problem or an issue with their biological CHILDREN, we're the bad guys? We're just as much a part of our parents as we are our children.
Ha, I knew you would have
Ha, I knew you would have something to say, tommar. You're so predictable, woman.
That isn't even relevant to
That isn't even relevant to my questions. You've missed the mark there, tommar.
Whoa, tommar. I think you
Whoa, tommar. I think you need to see a therapist. You obviously hate me so much that you feel the need to attack me any chance you get. You've attacked me left, right, and center ever since I posted something about SO's daughter. You also ignored the post I wrote on how I WANTED to love the kids--probably because I gave you no valid reason to attack me there. You obviously have deeper unresolved issues to work out and you've found a focus for your anger (me).
I DO ask controversial
I DO ask controversial questions. If you're not comfortable answering them, just don't. It's really that simple.
You are going go drive
You are going go drive yourself crazy.
Your GF has made it crystal clear where she stands on this. You are not going to change her. I'm the same type of parent that she is. My son always came first when he was a minor. My love for mynson is unconditional. I have a laundry list of conditions when it comes to relationships.
Mates will come and go, but I will always be a parent.
You have to decide what you can and can not live with. If you can't accept the dynamic that your GF has with her kids, then just move on. If you keep doing what you're doing, she is going to end the relationship.
There is a difference between
There is a difference between taking care of your kids and having your head shoved up their asses. Lots of what is dealt with - and I personally had to deal with- was a man with his shoved so far up his bratty kids' asses, you couldn't tell where one started and the other stopped. Now I was a mom to my two kids. Oddly, I could parent my children and BE a wife. Dumb ass couldn't handle both. And he expected me and my kids to defer to his children. I refused to do any such thing. I left.
I wouldn't push it. But maybe just move on to a different relationship with someone with no kids.
Up thier asses eh....sounds
Up thier asses eh....sounds smelly.
I am the same as you, I can love my kids and can be a great wife. Women rock!
The OP's SO is also a woman.
The OP's SO is also a woman. So it isn't just men. LOL
Some people really aren't interested in being "all in" while their kids are minors. I sure as hell wasn't. I dated, but marriage and/or living together weren't even options.
Tbh, I'm not sure I
Tbh, I'm not sure I understand the question. I don't know your background so that might be why?
The needs of a child are more important than the needs of another adult because adults, for the most part, can meet their own needs. That's adulthood. Kids can't.
While there is an invisible line,defined legally, separating childhood from adulthood, in reality it is a long, slow, fuzzy line of gradual independence.
Babies can't feed themselves at all, toddlers can with much mess, school-aged kids need reminders about manners, older kids about appropriate conversation, and by the time they launch, they can cook, clean, host and use the right fork. And how the baby develops the skills of an adult is through the attention and guidance of parents or caregivers.
So if a baby needs to be fed and another adult is also hungry, someone cares for the baby and the other adult can solve their own problem.
Right?
In keeping with this train of
In keeping with this train of thought, a horse is born and walking within minutes, other mamals are the same.
We as humans "care for our young" much longer than other animals. Why? Because they need it. They can't fend for themselves.
Parents (and other care givers) do need to recognize that fact. Children are not adults and do need different levels of care wnd attention to grow up to be functional adults.
It's like any other responsibility of being an adult. Sometimes we do things we don't like because we have to.
I have gotten up out of bed when I was sick to make sure my stepkids had food and weren't killing each other.
Did I want to? No. But I was the only adult in the home and their needs were important.
LadyFace, IMHO, when adults
LadyFace, IMHO, when adults are 'pleasing' their kids - whether or not a spouse is in the picture - that's about the adult using the parent-child relationship to reassure themselves of their worth as a person. Basically, the child becomes a walking, talking, life-long dependent panacea for the adult. Which I think is deeply cruel to the child, who has no say, no understanding, and no real parent.
People who have kids to have someone to love/who loves them make crappy spouses anyway, because in many ways, they just aren't available for adult relationships.
Quite often the problem seems
Quite often the problem seems to arise when children are not encouraged to perform age appropriate tasks for themselves and this turns into the child's needs must come first. As a child matures teaching that child to do things for him or her self is what contributes to them becoming a well adjusted,functioning adult. Unfortunately quite often children are permitted to sit back and get waited on hand and foot because they are children and they must come first.The needs and the wants of a child are used interchangeably, when that child becomes an adult and fails to launch then the same parent who contributed to the situation is left scratching their head and wondering why speschul snowflake is still living in their basement at the age of 35! Parents who are guilty of this tend to forget that they also have a responsibility to their spouse too. If the "needs" of the skid are always taking priority over the emotional needs of the spouse (ie to be made to feel like an equal in the partnership) then that spouse will look elsewhere to have those needs met,either by completely disengaging or walking out.
The love of a child and the
The love of a child and the love of a partner are two different kinds of love. Both are supposed to last a lifetime. A childs needs should come before an adults since they cannot take care of themselves. Adults tend to have this expectation that their partners kids and families are going to love and respect them as much as their partner does but that is not the case. As long as your partner is making you feel loved and respected, what they do with their kids really doesnt matter. The kids will probably never love and respect you as they do their parent.
I have issues with "putting
I have issues with "putting kids first." From what I've seen this creates little princesses and emperors. The child never learns how to be a kid but is like a partner on the same level as the adults. Spoiled, overweight, entitled kids who get whatever they want, whenever they want are the norm for this generation. Never hearing the word "no;" they know that mommy or daddy will cave or else they will throw a fit and say, "I hate you." So many couples wondering what happened to the love they shared for each other when the kids come along. It's all about the kids now, the marriage doesn't matter anymore. They consequently "fall out of love" and get divorced. I've seen this in intact families and it only gets worse with divorcees morphing into Disney parents.
Those of us with adult skids often see the end result of this "child centric" parenting style. In my ss30's case, a grown man STILL couch surfing and wanting to be taken care of. ss26 throwing a baby man fit and refusing to visit DH for months now because DH said "no" to him for the first time in his life.
Marriage counselors will tell you to PUT YOUR MARRIAGE FIRST. Of course kids have needs and it's the parents responsibility to meet them or you'll go to jail. I've read on here and other places that "Children are first responsibility and you marriage is your first priority." Leave and Cleave is what the Bible says; leave your parents and cleave unto your spouse. Your kids are eventually supposed to LEAVE you and cleave unto someone else. They're not supposed to cleave unto mommy and live in the basement forever, or cleave unto daddy and be his mini-wife thus sabotaging any chance of future relationships he may have. Parents have to demonstrate this for their children so that the children will know what a healthy relationship looks like. That means putting your marriage first!