What's your biggest challenge or question in reguards to stepparenting?
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Mine is the challenge of not knowing where the line between friend and parent is. How do I become liked by my step child? I love asking others this question because you tend to get different answers. I also love to ask, What would it mean to you personally to get a solid answer or solution to this problem? How would it improve your life on a day to day basis? For me it would give me more energy because my emotions wouldn't be in reaction mode so often which cause stress. Thank you all and I love this group 
Thank you for your response
Thank you for your response and I agree the main goal is they grow to be respectful responsible adults. I just have to see them all the time and the tension can be a little much lol. I think I'm trying to figure out how to be around them for longer periods without going crazy, especially because I see them so much. Thanks again.
How about being a role model?
How about being a role model?
I don't want to be rude but
I don't want to be rude but I've been married for 5 years now, I have five bio children and 2 steps with my current husband, we have no children together.
I have been hurt by my steps on multiple occasions and the bm. Due to the fact that I'm tired of being crapped on I have begun the process of stepping back. I need to be there for my own children more than I need to be a step parent because my ex decided he only wants to be a paycheck. He hasn't seen or spoken to our children in over 4 years now. My steps have their mom, dad, step father, and step mother (me). They have it really good, my children have been through hell and back so I decided that I was/am going to spoil my kids with love and time. They at least appreciate me
Besides my steps have no loyalty towards me and I'm not their biological parent, my hands are tied in every way when it comes to them, they don't need me unless they want something. Why should I kill myself parenting them when I'm told by the legal community that I have no legal rights. I make sure they are clothed and fed as well as have a place to sleep when they are with us, but that's pretty much it. Being a step mom is a thankless job we are told hands off but then we are told that we better treat another woman's kids better than my own....ummmm no!
In order for a SK to accept a
In order for a SK to accept a SP, in my view, is for both biological parents to accept you in the child's life. This includes any other important role models, such as grandparents.
My biological daughter adores and respects my H. There is no question to his authority and place in our home. My parents accept his place in our lives too. It is never questioned or queried.
My SK however is taught that we are prime evil. He does not need to listen to me, show respect or do as he is told in our home. He is not "given permission" as it were to blend in to our lives.
That is the simplest and most succinct answer I have for you.
Bingo! You nailed it, Mon.
Bingo! You nailed it, Mon. My house is the same as yours, my kids accept DH totally and there is no question about his role or his authority. The same was true at Asshat's house - my kids accepted their SM and her authority.
My entire extended family accepts DH and his position in the family. My DH's family does not give me the same respect, because they believe ASS and his bullshit web of lies. Medusa's family totally accepts me and my role, and I think it's because Medusa's SM knows what a piece of lying shit she is. Afterall, she had to live with Medusa
I think it is did OCC give
I think it is
did OCC give it to you?
I've never thought Stepmonster deserves all the praises it gets. Validating? Yes. I didn't really find anything in it, beyond that.
You should try reading Skirts
You should try reading Skirts at War. I love this book
I haven't read that yet,
I haven't read that yet, thanks for the suggestion I'm going to check it out right away. I did read the step monster book and thought it was really good. It helped me to feel I'm not along in all this and that lead me to this site.
I just read it and thanks for
I just read it and thanks for the suggestion. I like what it said and I feel it's absolutely correct to not take on others responsibilities.
I deal with two adult ss's so
I deal with two adult ss's so my concerns are a little different. My biggest issue is having people in my life that I would never associate with otherwise. My "inner" circle has become significantly smaller in the last decade since I've made better choices on who I allow in my space. Now there is a drug addicted, womanizing, job quitting, back stabbing kidult who is on the fringe. In the back of my mind I'm always securing my belonging from him, always looking for damage on my car, making sure our bedroom door is locked so he can't sneak in. Always being on guard because of one lousy person really sucks.
I think my biggest issue
I think my biggest issue these days is not feeling i can open my mouth and tell my DH's daughter directly what I think of her behavior. She is out of line and always has been allowed to be, because DH forever lives in fear of her walking out of his life if he so much as dares say anything to offend her, and unfortunately I live with the same fear of calling a spade a spade with her because the last time I did, she pulled that same crap and we hardly saw her for four years!
If DH & I could agree that we would risk her making that choice in order to insure she is not out of line with us, then life would be so much better. Yes she may pull that card again but she is an adult and that is on her. Chances are, she would smarten up and behave better!