Overreacting? Or DH's daughter playing games once again?
Lately DH's daughter has been "sooooo nice" to me, actually greeting me with hello when she sees me (in front of DH that is) and making an effort to be polite, again in front of DH.....she gets a blank look on her face and doesn't respond to me at times when DH isn't around but for the most part, she has been seemingly better
However she went into labour early last week and DH received a whole bunch of updates from SSIL; how many centimeters dilated, expected arrival time, when it would be good to come to hospital, etc... etc...
All of this sent via text directly to DH
I didn't think much of it, figured SSIL first of all is only following directions from DH's daughter, probably didn't have time to phone our house, easiest just to send a text and had so many people to contact makes sense just to send to DH rather than both of us (not that I would expect to be included anyway)
Besides, DH's daughter may act like she is accepting me but never has. Not only would she not bother to include me in any updates, but she would be sure to give SSIL only the contact info for her DAAAAD, her 'family' which of course does not include the SM who has been in her life 17 years and that she even lived full time with at one point and has always been good to her
Whatever
I was fine with it and brushed if off like so much else with her - like last week when she secretly invited BM to a small family dinner for DH's family (and now we have BM suddenly getting a hold of DH's cell phone number and calling it, Grrrrr!)
Anyway, so I go along with everything without a fuss. Even suggested to DH yesterday since the hospital is so close to us we should pop in again to see his daughter and new grandson another time before they go home
But then there are the tons of pictures SSIL continues to send to DH only on his cell phone. Pictures of the grandson, pictures of OSGS, lots of cheerful little updates, all addressed to DH
Annoying as I know it comes from DH's daughter, she pretends to be accepting of me even by having SGS's call me Grandma, but never treats me like one, excludes me happily from 'family' things (knowing of course I'll hear about some of them and second-hand from DH, which obviously will make me aware all these things going on which they excluded me from being a part of)
But last night was the incident that ticked me off the most
First the request from SSIL to DH if DH's daughter could stop in to take a shower at our place (guess she couldn't do that at the hospital?) and of course DH says yes. That is not the problem, I would have said yes of course too. But annoying that they couldn't simply just phone the house and ask. Nooooooo, it all has to be done via text message to DH directly and only.
And then when DH responds of course no problem, they tell him they would also like to discuss with him babysitting OSG next weekend
DH of course says yes, assuming I'll just jump onside and do whatever he and his daughter dictate.
Nope.
This is the weekend we go visit my Mom. She's 85 years old and in a senior's home and whenever something comes up DH is only too happy to insist she doesn't need us to go
So I told DH to have a lovely time with SGS. This was my weekend to visit my Mom and I was going no matter what. Especially considering his daughter can't grow up and include me in any of those requests. If she can't ask me directly than guess what? I know nothing about it and I'm going to see my Mom.
DH's solution is "oh no problem, we'll just take SGS with us"
This should be good. DH's daughter will throw a fit when she hears from SGS that he went to visit "Grandma Disillusioned's Mommy" (as he refers to my Mom haha
DH's daughter as always refused to acknowledge my family as even so much as her step family, and used to throw temper tantrums if it was even suggested she go to any of my family events, and the few ones she went to she made up terrible lies about my sisters and brothers, had massive crying fits, caused huge arguments with DH & I.
Total nightmare.
So sure DH, yes, let's just take SGS to visit my Mom on the weekend when we have him
I could care less if DH's daughter throws a fit. She didn't ask me, or involve me, if DH wants to bring him along not my business or my problem. And besides, my Mom will love it LOL...not like she gets a whole lot of children visiting her there
The shower thing didn't work out too well for DH's daughter either. Since SSIL texted DH's cell phone about it, and DH generally ignores his cell phone (which he also receives many work messages on) he completely missed the text message until late yesterday evening.
DH was throwing a fit because he didn't get the message in time and what a shame, his daughter could have come by and he didn't get the message or respond to her request yada yada
Oh boo hoo, if your daughter had of acted like a mature adult and picked up the phone and called OUR house and asked US if it was okay to come by OUR home to use OUR SHOWER, one of us would have picked up the phone and agreed and she would have been and showered already. So her little 'let's exclude Disillusioned as much as we can and make her feel an uncomfortable outsider' ploy didn't work too well for this this time LOL
Oh well, it's her loss, and I'm not just talking about the shower either
"She doesn't have to ask YOU
"She doesn't have to ask YOU if her dad can watch his grandson."
Somebody better ask me about any children coming to MY house. Because the answer will be no. Not running a drop in day care center.
DH can go see his grandson elsewhere IF (and it's a big if) he doesn't change any plans with me.
Yes, you seem to overreact
Yes, you seem to overreact when it comes to certain things regarding your SD.
Although I do believe that sometimes a phone call is more appropriate than a text, I don't understand why you have a problem with your SD or her husband texting your DH. If it is something that he should pass on to you or discuss with you, that is on HIM. If he doesn't, he is the one making you the outsider.
If my SD asks her dad to babysit, she can ask only him, but HE is the one who then needs to check with me to see if we are available or whatever. If she has news of some kind, she calls and tells him and he tells me. I have never thought anything of it.
If I have something to ask or tell my dad, I call him, not both him and his wife.
It'll continue to backfire on
It'll continue to backfire on her since you and DH are a couple. She wants to only communicate with daddee but daddee has a life outside of her. Oh well, she'll learn or get burned.
I think you over react only
I think you over react only because your ASD is a complete ass! It's only natural to feel the way you do after, so many years of the bs. I feel like you at times. I feel you have to much of a heart and the hurt comes out.
I read on here how some can so easily pretend these asses don't exist. Mastering the skill they have learned and growing some "thick skin" seems to be the only way to kill these feelings.
Many blessings to you
Ignore the whore. Young
Ignore the whore.
Young people communicate by text way more than by phone. Be happy that she doesn't bother you. Heck SS30 and his GF (who just had a baby) don't even have my phone number. And I like it that way.
I saw SS for the first time in 2 1/2 years recently - I was pleasant and even let him give me a hug. The visit was maybe 10 minutes. DH asked me to answer his phone the other day (up to his elbows in cutting up some raw meat). SS had some cooking questions which I readily answered.
I am polite and cordial when I see SS or talk to SS - but I keep that to a minimum. But I do not do that to try to fool DH into thinking that I like him. I just do it out of respect for DH - and because I was just raised to not be rude and obnoxious to people unless it is really necessary.
Ignore her. She should have zero relevance in your life.
No Ladyface, DH's daughter
No Ladyface, DH's daughter damn well better phone MY landline if she is asking to do anything in MY home. That's just inconsiderate and rude not too. Anyone who doesn't get that, obviously has no manners
Can I just ask why SD can not
Can I just ask why SD can not shower in her home? Broken or what?
Thank you notasm3, that's it
Thank you notasm3, that's it exactly. Especially because DH's daughter definitely wants me to be a part of the babysitting. She's already indicated in the past that the instructions for sGS should be given to me, because she knows I'm the one that looks after him more responsibly than DH anyway.
So that is what is most irritating anyway. She is going directly to DH asking about watching SGS (meaning DH AND me) but not consulting me directly about what she is asking me to do.
No one tells me what I will do in my own time and in my own home. And that most specifically includes DH's daughter (and his sister for that matter) that think they can just demand things from DH directly, that are obviously meant for me to do
As it turns out, DH's daughter and SSIL did come by and while I was not in the room they discussed with DH what time we should pick up SGS on the weekend etc... and then DH made a point of discussing it with me in front of them when I came back in the room
I said it was absolutely fine what HE wanted to do as far as SGS was concerned, I had to go see my Mom on the weekend, but no reason DH couldn't still go get SGS.
Then DH pipes up and says how we could just bring SGS, it wouldn't be a long visit with my Mom, etc.. etc....
I said fine with me
I saw DH's daughter and SSIL exchange a look
DH's daughter wasn't happy with that one at all LOL
I'm betting they will suddenly have plans for SGS that doesn't involve us.
DH will be all angry at me because it will somehow be my fault, when the reality is, had he just put his foot down in the first place with his family all this stupidness wold have been avoided
That's what I'm thinking
That's what I'm thinking nothisagain
That's interesting, how do
That's interesting, how do you feel about your Dad's wife hereiam?
That's funny Still Learning,
That's funny Still Learning, that is exactly what DOES continue to happen to DH's daughter. She goes out of her way to exclude me, which only makes DH make a bigger point of including me in front of her, this in turn ticks her off, and around and around she goes
If only DH's daughter would learn to grow up and show the same respect to me that she expects from me, would she stop spinning in circles when it comes to me in her father's life haha
Thanks Anothermom hope it
Thanks Anothermom
hope it gets better for you too!
Good for you notasm3....you
Good for you notasm3....you have got this down it seems!
Too funny luvmyuppy...DH's
Too funny luvmyuppy...DH's daughter is still in the hospital with SGS (the baby came early) and the hospital is only 10 minutes from our home, yes I was surprised she couldn't shower there but not a problem - just if you want to come in to my home to use my shower than at least ask me as well, not just YOUR DAD
And yes, DH's daughter has always had an issue with my family. When she was younger if something with my family came up on HER weekends with DH, she would get really nasty if DH wanted to go to it. Nor did she change that stance once she moved in with us fulltime either. She was always invited too of course, and on the few occasions she went, she made up lies about my family being 'mean' to her (the absolute opposite was true my family couldn't have fallen over backwards more for her, or tried harder to make her feel welcome) and created so much drama that I stopped ever inviting her to have anything to do with them
The problem is that she has always been very jealous and insecure about DH's relationship with me. She feels I stole her place with DH, and forever holds on to resentment about it.
I got it when she was younger...but even then we are talking a teenager at the time she started this, time to grow up and move on I think!
Ladyface, my DH considers it
Ladyface, my DH considers it OUR home. We both own it and pay for it and live in it together. So if someone in his family would like to come into the home that is not just his, but MINE also, then DH would prefer they ask BOTH of us.
Especially if one of the requests is to babysit SGS (in other words "can Disillusioned look after him?") then guess what? Better ask DISILLUSIONED if she would be okay with it, not DH
Sorry you're having such a tough time understanding this one....I think you just may be obsessed with needing to prove that I'M the one with the problem, and not my sweet, loving, ever respectful and appreciative SD LOL. She couldn't possibly be behaving in a way that is anything other than wonderful and decent towards me now could she??
What I asked for LadyFace was
What I asked for LadyFace was whether or not I was overreacting in the other posters opinions. If you have valid opinion you can share without judgement - which are a time waster for me as they're based on your lack of knowledge on my situation rather than actual facts or anything you asked for clarification on before stating it 'the way it is' then I would value your opinion
Telling me my own DH's daughter is "unaware she has to go through me" (as if you know more about my own situation and her history than I do) and that it's an "absurd expectation on my part" are both untrue, and to me seems you just shooting off insults as usual, rather than taking the time to maybe ask a question or at least provide an opinion that isn't rude or insulting
To be honest, I think the
To be honest, I think the thing that you should be more concerned with is this: "...now we have BM suddenly getting a hold of DH's cell phone number and calling it"
You need to intervene in this, stat! If you are not OK with this, then you should tell your DH. If he agrees this is out of line, then he should make it very clear to BM that he will NOT communicate with her via his personal cell phone. There is no reason for her to be contacting DH unless it's absolutely necessary and a matter of grave importance regarding the skid(s), and even then it should be via your home phone so you know when/if she calls and what she wants.
The BM getting comfortable with talking to your DH is a deal breaker, IMO. I know if my SO's ex was contacting him on his cell phone I'd have something to say about it. Their kids are grown adults - there is no longer any need for her to be in touch with him.
And I wanted to add ... one
And I wanted to add ... one of my SO's adult skids was recently hospitalized for emergency surgery, and thankfully BM did not contact him. The skid communicated with each of her parents separately on her status - there was no need for them to communicate with each other.
Oh yes that's a whole other
Oh yes that's a whole other issue 2Tired4Drama, I was not happy at all about BM getting DH's cell phone number, then calling it, etc... just another lovely thing that DH'daughter and sister helped facilitate!
DH knows how I feel, and hopefully we've put a stop to that one