Worst BM ever
Previous post: https://www.steptalk.org/node/225728
This has been an awful week. bm has really raised it up a notch.
After the whole disaster with the ps4, hubby kind of calmed ss down about the situation before ss left. It was not a perfect solution but it was the best we could do. Hubby knows it was a screw up and has been upset about it the whole week that ss was at bm’s. And it didn’t help that ss was not coming to the phone for his twice-weekly calls.
Last Friday, ss came to our house just stomping and slamming doors. He starts screaming, literally screaming, at hubby to give him the money he made over the summer. Long story short, bm was waiting outside in her car. She brought the ps4 stuff she was not able to return. And she was making ss pay for them using the money he earned over the summer.
I don’t understand this “mother”. Hubby very clearly offered to buy these from her himself. Instead, she chooses to torment her kid. Hubby can’t get a word in edge-wise because ss is just ranting and yelling. I had never seen him that upset before. So hubby just brings the cash. It was only 130 dollars because that is all he had on him and gives it to ss (this was a big mistake). ss stomps back out and we see him give the money to bm. He is crying now but she didn’t look like she cared. Hubby was going to go out and yell at her but I stopped him because she was probably recording us.
Here is where it gets even more unbelievable. The stupid cow made ss take off his winter jacket and hand it to her before she drives off, cackling away like a witch. Ok, I made that cackling part up.
Did I mention we live in Canada and it was -5 degrees Celsius that day? ss runs back in, just tosses the bag of games/accessories on the ground and runs to his room. I looked in the bag. There is no way to tell what they even cost. For all we know they could only cost 50-60 dollars.
Hubby tried to talk to ss and try to get to the bottom of this. ss just yelled at hubby to leave him alone. He just covered his ears and buried his face in the pillow. Hubby gave up after a while and walked out looking really sad.
He told me the only reason he divorced was because he didn’t want ss to see what an unhappy marriage it was. But now ss was suffering because of it.
We had to buy another jacket that cost almost 100 dollars. At least she let him keep his winter boots and gloves. We are probably going to buy those too eventually.
Hubby talked to bm on the phone to show receipts for the used games and controller accessory. He wanted to give ss his money back to cover the ps4 stuff. But obviously not all 130 dollars. She “misplaced” the receipt. Of course. The conversation got pretty heated and hubby ended up hanging up on her.
ss barley talked to us this week. And he wouldn’t talk to bm when she called for her scheduled calls either. Serves that bitch right. He had a hockey game on Wednesday and both we and bm and her husband were there. ss’s team won but after the game he didn’t even acknowledge any of us. Not even eye contact. Even when bm was deparately hugging him and asking questions, he actually pulled away from her. He only talked to bs and that’s it.
The saddest part? ss doesn’t even want to play the ps4 anymore. Bs and hubby tried many times to get him to play but he said no. He just does his homework after school, plays on the tablet and goes to bed. He wasn’t even interested in the presents hubby got him. Hubby was pretty crushed because he spent all week buying what he thought were perfect for ss.
Hubby has been stressing out non-stop. Ss didn’t even say bye today when hubby dropped him off at school. Now I have deal with a mopey husband all week again. Not really sure where we will go from here.
The coat thing made me think
The coat thing made me think of my SD7's BM. She always used to make SD take off her winter coat, boots, mittens, toque, etc. before giving her to my husband each weekend. We live in Canada too and she would do this no matter how cold it was. SD was only 4 or 5 at the time too. My husband finally got the CO changed to say that BM had to provide all belongings for SD.
I wish we could afford a
I wish we could afford a lawyer right now. CO is so vague that bm takes a lot of liberty with it whenever it suits her
I told Hubby the same. He
I told Hubby the same. He needs to work out his conflict with bm soon. She is just taking it all out on ss.
Yes...we always send coats
Yes...we always send coats and winter stuff back and forth. Why would we have two? Kids always grow out of them quickly. And we have 50/50 custody. We split the cost for the jacket that bm ran off with.
We will keep this new jacket only at our place. He has a jacket that we helped pay for at bm's house.
Is it is in CO for splitting
Is it is in CO for splitting clothing cost? If not, you can pretty much assume 'sharing' is over and Dad best just purchase items the kid needs for your home.
The thought of two coats really isn't something to be shocked about nor pretend absurd.
we have ALL his clothes at
we have ALL his clothes at our home. It just a freaking jacket, winter boot and gloves that are shared. WTF?
Some of the people here are so ridiculous. And you know what? even bm wouldn't be able to afford all this stuff on her own. Not everyone is made of money. Almost everyone i know who share custody also share jackets between houses. You know how many jackets a kid goes through growing up?
And it's not cheap jackets by the way. It needs to withstand up to -20 degrees celsius.
Uh, yeah. I've been raising
Uh, yeah. I've been raising kids a long long time. FWIW, I'm on teenage grandkids now. And your spouted -20 Celsius and my -4 Fahrenheit . *yawn*
Learned a long time ago a kid never has too many hats, gloves, snow boots, snow pants, COATS.
It was a d*ck move. However
It was a d*ck move. However now that BM has declared what seemingly appears to be 'war' , Dad is going to have little choice. BM is angry and she's going to likely pull more d*ck moves.
Dad is going to have to live with the consequences of his holiday actions. No more sharing and unexpected d*ck move from BM. Its not illegal to be a b*tch. No one here can run up there, smack her or shake sense into her head. Hopefully the kid didn't have far to run from car to door.
But now that BM has said 'game-on', it doesn't change the fact kid has to have a coat. In no way should Dad/Apples make kid feel it's kid's fault or bad mouth BM. Fortunately I don't think they did. But they expect other crazy stunts they've not experienced before. BM isn't going to settle down for a while.
I personally would not have sent out the $130. That was something between Dad and Mom. I think I would have taken kid down to open a savings account. One where kid could 'see' the deposits and know it was there and safe.
Wait a minute, so you all do
Wait a minute, so you all do not have a strict no back in forth rule in place?????!!!!! No wonder the kid thought he would be able to take the game to BM's.
If dad can't afford a suitable winter coat for the kid, why in the world was the Playstation 4 even an option as a Christmas gift???? Needs come before wants
I'm sorry, but if you can't
I'm sorry, but if you can't afford to buy your kid a coat, that kid shouldn't have a $400 dollar game. :sick:
I don't believe anyone is
I don't believe anyone is angry at the OP. However, many think bot mom and dad need a swift kick in the butt.
Based on what she posted,
Based on what she posted, that $100 spent on the coat hurt them financially. If money is that tight, then purchasing the PS4 and the stuff($400+) to go with it was a a dumb move.
The rule has been in effect
The rule has been in effect for a while and it was because of her legal actions that we follow it strictly.
However, we split the cost of the coat/boots/gloves with her and he wears them to both houses. Because hubby didnt want his son to be removing his jacket during exchanges.
bm was ok with this for a while now.
Why are you always supporting her?
Hubby wants to return ss's
Hubby wants to return ss's money. That's why he asked for the receipts from bm, to see what actually needs to be paid back.
Honestly, if we had the money, hubby would give ss the 130 dollars back right away. But we had some unforeseen issues that is making us count every dollar. And buying the new jacket didn't exactly help.
Seriously? You guys don't
Seriously? You guys don't have money to provide winter outerwear in a cold climate to a child in your custody 50% of the time, but you do have money for the Great Christmas Debacle of 2015?
Why not force BS to share his coat with SS?
Oh, yes, I re-read that part.
Oh, yes, I re-read that part. But still. All the parents involved seem to be making increasingly poor decisions.
Really. Common sense ain't so common.
We did end up buying a coat.
We did end up buying a coat.
"The saddest part? ss doesn’t
"The saddest part? ss doesn’t even want to play the ps4 anymore." #childcentric #firstworldproblems
"Hubby was pretty crushed because he spent all week buying what he thought were perfect for ss.Hubby has been stressing out non-stop."
Sorry but I just can't feel empathy for this kid or the entire ridiculous situation. DH needs to man up and learn how to deal with teenage rejection. Skid's gotta learn life isn't 100% fair and he's not always going to get his way. Let him pout. He'll get over it eventually. Quit coddling.
DH made this right by making
DH made this right by making the PS4 a family gift, returning SS's money to him and buying him $200 worth of gifts. What more do people want? His blood. So he f*cked up, it's over. If anything, I think SS is taking it a little too far in the pouting department.
Now BM f*cked up. It's between her and SS. She did not want DH to buy the accessories but would take the money from her son. Let her fix this issue. And the coat thing, that's just immature. At no time did DH maliciously intend to hurt SS, but is BM not doing that now?
If I was OP and DH, I would consider this matter closed.
He has a b*tc# mother and a
He has a b*tc# mother and a ball-less father. Nope, his life is not fair. Join over 50% and plus some of the human race. Wah! Poor baby doesn't want to play the ps4. Boo freaking hoo. SMH...I'm going to go over to freerice.com and donate to people who are malnourished and hungry.
I think it is similar to
I think it is similar to TheHungerSite - you click and advertisers/sponsors donate free food to different organizations. Free rice is owned by the UN's World Food Programme.
The needy thank you Fruit and
The needy thank you Fruit and poor coddled COD,
I earned several thousand grains of rice for hungry people; meanwhile, somewhere in Canada there is a poor widdle child of divorce throwing a fit over a $400 gaming system that he refuses to play to punish daddy and everyone else so daddy will feel guilty, coddle him some more and throw more guilt gifts and money his way.
Yes Tommar, it's a real site. Freerice.com Right now I'm recovering from a minor surgery so it's a great way to pass the time, take it easy, and do something good.
*sobs* ppppllzzzzz quit this
*sobs* ppppllzzzzz quit this is online anonymous..... dont take it personally....
Thank you for the Public
Thank you for the Public Service Announcement my dear.
This is pretty much how most
This is pretty much how most people expected this situation to turn out. Nothing you can really do about it now but try your best not to make dumb decisions in the future. SS may benefit from counseling because DH and BM seem like they are in this for the long haul. SS can learn some coping strategies for when his parents act up.
Sorry, I just couldn't read
Sorry, I just couldn't read through all this again. So sorry if this has been said by someone else.
The fact is that you and DH STARTED this whole thing! Then the fix DH came up with was CRAP!
I said in a post long ago that you were giving BM tons of fuel for her fire, why are you surprised that she made him take off his coat? It stays at her house just like the PS4! You gave her that argument, thankfully she didn't make him take off his boots and hat and mittens too!
I also said don't be surprised if SS doesn't want to play the PS4, it represents something that he worked hard for and really wanted only to have it taken away from him and made into a family gift.
He's not going to get over this anytime soon. Sure it doesn't help that BM is being a total biach about it but again you guys started it.
OP is on here complaining
OP is on here complaining about BM and how horrible she is. The fact is that DH is just as horrible and he was the one who started this whole incredible mess.
Now he's sad that his son won't play the PS4 with him, or sit and hang out with him or even talk to him. DH needs to take ownership for it and not try to make it BMs fault.
The idea that adults are
The idea that adults are invalidating a child's feelings is actually spot-on. Sorry it got lost in silliness.
TBH, I don't think I have a
TBH, I don't think I have a clue about why the OP is posting. I keep thinking she wants ideas on how to improve things, but mostly she wants to talk about how everything BM does is wrong, how SS is a jerk, how DH is angry but a hero, how BS is totally great, and how they are having money problems and it's all BM's fault. And that she and DH are completely right all the time about everything, even when they change their mind. God forbid anyone have a real conversation.
So I guess I'm not needed? lol
This has gone on long enough.
This has gone on long enough. BOTH DH and BM need to get in to see a mediator ASAP!!!!!!!!!!
All of you are breaking this boy's spirit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FFS.......get in mediation NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!
Stop this bulls$*t at once. Shame on all of you!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone is going to far!!!!!!!!!!
I have a nice buttery
I have a nice buttery chardonnay.
Yummmmmmmmmm.....buttery
Yummmmmmmmmm.....buttery Chardonnay. Share please.
I have plenty for the all of
I have plenty for the all of us. Could we use a sticker chart for each glass of wine? I want a lot of silver stars.
Sticker chart, Twister and
Sticker chart, Twister and bottles upon bottles of buttery Chardonnay. I am all in. I'll wear a sticker swimsuit.
Time to pour alcohol on you
Time to pour alcohol on you and set you on fire. Sick of you.
Hands WTF a road flare......
Hands WTF a road flare......
And toasts my beautiful
And toasts my beautiful SMs!!!!!!
A proper Viking beating
A proper Viking beating would be great.
WTF Really - let's share
WTF Really - let's share some! That's my favorite kind. Drinking to the fact I cut off the evil adult SD and her spoiled brats. Cheers!
I know. This thing just wants
I know. This thing just wants attention, any type of attention. It's sick and sad. But there are times when a person just needs a proper beat down.
So far, "it" has tried to
So far, "it" has tried to pretend to be Sally, Sweet Pea and now Tommar.
This "thing" is the Lowest form of human.
It's in the Sally Fungus
It's in the Sally Fungus comment. Two Peas in a pod......it was hidden.
At 13 and 14, I'm sure
At 13 and 14, I'm sure they'll be thrilled.
Eff u too. Very much.
Eff u too. Very much.
Heck, I'm rooting for the SS.
Heck, I'm rooting for the SS. I loved how SS ignored BOTH sets of parents at the sporting event. SS doesn't appear to have anyone in his corner. SS doesn't seem to have anyone to trust and rely on who has his best interests in mind. SS could probably use some counseling to cope with the nonsense from the adults.
The high passion between the DH and the BM is worrisome. Even if both have remarried, they are seriously invested in each other and the games that they play. Every attention unit that they spend on each other, they are not sharing with their current partners nor the children.
In my experience, mediation was $150/hour. OP, just speak with DH about what HE can do to de-escalate the current situation. Focus on what you can change.
Yes! Well said. The passion
Yes! Well said. The passion is way to high between the parents and no one is in SSs corner. Mediators are desperately needed.
And stickercharts. Dont
And stickercharts. Dont forget that! Love and light, ladies. Love and light.
Piss off.
Piss off.
^^^^^^delete please. All of
^^^^^^delete please. All of them. Thank you apple.
I'm sure you've figured it
I'm sure you've figured it out by now but with the $200 in extra gifts, $130 of SS money, $100 for winter coat you could have bought another PS4.
Which is what you should have done in the first place to avoid this whole thing.
SS should have been allowed to take his gift to BMs and you should have bought a new family PS4. SS wouldn't have felt so betrayed and BM wouldn't have any ammunition to use to show SS what a terrible dad DH is.
But it's too late for all that now.
Now you have to deal with a kid who feels betrayed and resents both his parents. You will be putting out even more money to get some counselling for this kid and paying for mediation to try and deal with BM.
I feel bad SS it seems like
I feel bad SS it seems like both homes have a lot of drama. Grown up make mistakes and no one is perfect. But sometimes adults mistakes have long lasting affect on children. But your SS, learned lesson my father taught me that a fair is where you pet animals and ride rides it not life. Its good thing that he learned at 11.