Does BM come to your home or you meet her?
In the beginning of our marriage Bm would come and drop or pick up my step daughter. She would see how I had things set up in my home, help herself to my step kids room or even sit down and wear out her welcome, not to mention go down memory lane with conversations in my living room of people they both once knew..Then get teary eyed when she would leave, as if I wasn't even in the room! I had had enough of her drama and bs so I put a stop and demanded dh to go pick up or meet Bm. Her out of my sight has been a blessing to my household, besides the calls dh would get concerning her kid about things I may have said but I just ignore it. Two years of no her. I also banned his ex step daughter, my st daughters half sister Bm had with another man. Christmas time I gave in and let the ex step kid of dh come because he said she cried to come. What a screw up on my part. I'm just licking my wounds from that, it's not a big deal. Now today dh calls and ask if his daughter can stay because Bm sent him a huge text about her and her new husband fighting. I said sure even though it's not his weekend and he has to work. Then he asks if Bm can drop her off or have me meet up with her. I say hell no. I don't want to open that door! He is mad at me. I tell you, when you give In they want more and more. It's beginning to get stressful. I also told dh that he didn't need to be her shoulder to cry on and don't let her bring her problems to our peaceful home. I know what's going on. Them two kids are trying their bs parent trap shit again. The Bm found a man, he spent money on them then moved in their home. Now he's broke and makes them clean. It's a shame they only been married 3 1/2 months and their marriage is doomed. This will be BM third marriage to a man and it didn't work out. I'm asking you all for advice because my sons dad does come to pick my son up and drop off, however, he doesn't go down memory lane or over stay his welcome. Dh says he doesn't bother him but yet brings it up when he can't get his way with me allowing Bm to do the same because it's convienant on dh. Would allowing Bm to do what he wants open that door to what it use to be? I don't know
Nope.. We do a neutral
Nope.. We do a neutral meeting spot for both parties with BOTH of our ex's. I would be ok with my ex coming to the house though because he literally picks the kids up and leaves. No chit chat.
if BM would come in my home ,
if BM would come in my home , she would leave in an ambulance or a wooden box with a toe tag , so the answer is no .
oh hell no-BM hasn't done
oh hell no-BM hasn't done pu/DO in like...4yrs.
DH always goes to pick up the kids or his mom does and DH drops them off.
If there's a meet halfway-it's BM's boyfriend/mother/brother/sister/baby daddy #3/his parents etc
(you get the point)
If DH wants to take his daughter then Dad need to buckle up and get his child or arrange other means of transportation for his child.
It's okay for you to say no given the background.
Your DH and BM need to make
Your DH and BM need to make the arrangements, without involving you, or SD can just stay home with BM.
DH picked up and dropped off, BM never came to our home. In 19 years, I have seen her less than a handful of times.
We've had to get a peaceful
We've had to get a peaceful contact order against BM, so no she can't come.
My ex was coming and overstaying his welcome too. So I realized it was making us all uncomfortable and I have my kid wait for him at the door and leave imediately.
My ex comes into my house and
My ex comes into my house and brings ... The cat ... For play dates with my cat ... No joke , every Sunday . He has a coffee and leaves and I drop the cat off back to him before I go to bed ... He lives 5 minutes away ... Maybe you get a chuckle out of this . DH thinks we are both nuts lol .
MEOW .
Before court DH would go pick
Before court DH would go pick up SS from BM and then she would pick him up four days later. After court out lawyer put in the papers that BM was responsible for pick up and drop off at our home. At first this aggravated me because I didn't understand why they didn't put a public meeting place, but its worked out. I made it very clear to DH that he had to be outside waiting for SS when she pulls in the driveway. He's always ready to go in bum clothes and shoes. During the warmer months (3/4 of the year) they play in the yard until she pulls in. In the cold months he's waiting inside playing xbox.
My step kids' mom comes to
My step kids' mom comes to our house for drop off/pick ups. It never bothers me. She doesn't go past the foyer for the most part.
This is between DH and BM to
This is between DH and BM to sort out pick up.
However if my DH asked if i minded looking after SD and the only way was for BM to drop off then i would allow it. However - i would only open door say hello and let SD in. No way in hell would BM ever be allowed to set foot in my house. No conversation with her at all. I would tell SD to say goodbye to BM then shut the door
No no no no. Your house is
No no no no.
Your house is YOUR house and BMs house is BMs house. I also think its unfair to have parents collecting from each house because then you end up with the kids waiting on the other parent to come and get them.
Custody handovers should always take place via day care, school or if that is not possible then in a mutual public place. Local library, market square, somewhere thats roughly the same distance for both parties.
My SD was only a few months old when BM and my fiance split, they only did household hand overs for the first couple of months whilst BM sorted herself a new place to live (she cheated and my fiance threw her out) since then its always been handovers in public places. Which meant when I came on the scene two years later, they had already set their boundaries.
In our three years I have probably seen BM a handful of times, and thats with her living less than 5 minutes away.
There has even been a few occassions that last minute change of plans, or sickness etc I have offered and met BM to hand
over SD. Both to give her back to BM but also to have her from BM if I have been available and willing to do so. And still its at a public place not house to house.
"Then he asks if Bm can drop
"Then he asks if Bm can drop her off or have me meet up with her. I say hell no. I don't want to open that door! He is mad at me.
These aren't little girls. Both are quite capable on walking from the curb/driveway to the front door without escort. If they drag lots of stuff between homes, the can make two trips between house and car. No reason for BM to put one foot out of the car. BM should be doing the transport both ways as you are doing her the favor of letting the Skids come on off week and absent DH.
Fine, DH, she can drop them at curb/drive IF she pre-agrees to the no trespassing conditions. If she agrees but then fails, you won't be opening the door. If BM can't agree and follow through, he can be mad at BM when the front door doesn't get opened.
No, in fact, our court order
No, in fact, our court order stated that BM was not allowed to contact us. Exchanges were done at a neutral 3rd party exchange place that was used for high conflict parents. We did the majority of the driving but BM still had to get off the couch long enough to get the skids to the exchange place. No way in HELL did I want BM or would I EVER allow BM within SPITTING distance of my front door! ::shudder::
H3LL no. dh used to step
H3LL no.
dh used to step inside dumb@$$' house, and of course it would take a full five minutes or so for the kids to gather up all their crap and put their shoes on and whatnot. drove me batty.
she stepped inside MY doorway once. i gave her The Look then went upstairs and put my fist through the wall. she hasnt tried it since. if she came to our house, the worst she would do would be to get out of her POS vehicle to give the kids a hug, but that was it. i was ok with that.
a couple of wks ago she apparently pulled up to our house, i heard a tap on the front door. it's a d@mn good thing lurch beat me to the door and he stepped out and promptly closed it behind him and hauled @$$ down the steps. she was just being nosy and wanted to see his 'new' car. good thing he beat me to it tho' cuz i would have told her stupid @$$ to get the phuc off my porch and back into her ratchet-@$$ POS. (sidenote, it did make me laugh tho' about her checking out his car. it's 100x nicer than hers - SEE what you can have when you KEEP A JOB? ha. hope she got a good eyefull of that!)