Marriage and stepchildren- how

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I am getting married in a few months to my fiancé (together for 3.5yrs) who has two girls, 10yrs and 15yrs. they are lovely and we get along very well. I would like to write them a short note/card to say something along the lines of thank you for accepting me/ that my marriage their dad means that I also choose them/care about them/ that they are family and our home is their home (We only see them in school holidays, their mum has them most of the time)

We aren't having a wedding (just registry ceremony with us and our witnesses) because of logistics reasons but will be visiting the girls the next day almost and will have a dinner there when I can say a few words but I also want to write something down because I feel I express myself better that way.

I don’t know how to say that to a teenager without it sounding awkward and overbearing. What would you have liked to hear (if anything) from your step mum? Also, would a small gift be too much? Any ideas?

Also, is there anything that I should avoid saying that might cause problems with their mother. We don't really have a relationship but I respect her and I think she's done at job in bringing up the girls.

Personally? I wouldnt make a

Personally? I wouldnt make a fuss by saying anything thats "forced or unnatural" and just continue being who you are anyway...

Step daughters are notorious for changing their minds about "being nice to SM now thats she married their father" and they may resent your "welcome speech..or they might not too...

But why have it anyway? Just continue to be yourself. Thast enough (so it dosent come across as being too try hard on your part).

Yes I've been looking at

Yes I've been looking at these boards and I realize a lot of people (in all positions) have it very tough. I also don't think I am being starry eyed but I choose to live my life positively and with hope. If that disappears after a while then that is okay but for now I will be positive as I have no reason not to be. I'm not going to live in fear/doom of what could be later on.
If you have any tips for my question directly that would be great but I didn't ask for opinions on my attitude toward my situation. Thanks for your warnings though, I know not to expect too much but I don't want to expect the worst

Thanks it's nice to hear

Thanks it's nice to hear some positivity! I feel the same
I would love to get them something but mainly I just want them to know that me being part of their dads life in such a way doesn't mean they'll get pushed out. I don't want them to think that.
Yeah I know notes can be awkward, especially if they don't know what to say. Normal communication is tricky enough haha.
Maybe just a few words will be nice too, not too gushy. That's not me anyway.

True. But I feel like this

True. But I feel like this commitment is a lot more (to me personally) because there are children involved. No I am not marrying the girls but I feel like I am becoming a permanent part of their life. And I want to be, that matters to me- even if they aren't ultra friendly to me later on. I know I wasn't nice to my parents let alone I can't imagine how I would've been to another adult who was part of my life suddenly. I get where they would be coming from. But for now things are good and if they get bad I'll deal with that later.
Maybe I am just different. Do people not feel this way?

Ok I may come across as being

Ok I may come across as being a bit blunt but bare with me, Im not saying this to offend you.

You are marrying their father, not the girls. You are not having a formal ceremony so I really dont see the need of doing some fancy speech or gift cards etc. You have been around for 3.5 years, the relationship you have now with your step daughters shouldnt dramatically change unless behavior dramatically changes. You didnt make any special commitment to them, you are committing yourself to your husband. They are simply part of his baggage.

Id find it creepy as hell if my step mother had waited until she married my dad to make some grand show of "choosing and committing to being a step parent" to me.

Get them a gift, like a necklace of some form if you must, like you would for bridesmaids but dont go making it a big special deal. Frankly to them its not.

Besides if it was so important to make a display of having them in as part of the marriage then you should be doing one of those sand ceremonies they use for blended families.

Its going to be a precious day to you and your soon to be husband, its not going to be a special day for them since they are not being involved in the ceremony itself.

Im getting married this year, my SD is only 5, my fiance has always been clear that he doesnt want SD at our wedding because he wants our wedding day to be about me and him. SD knows we are getting married, we are going to have a professional photo shoot with the three of us after the wedding so theres some professional wedding photos and also some professional photos with my SD but other than that there will be no big statement to my SD. I will have the same relationship before and after marrying her dad, family doesnt become family because you marry, not in step world. It might legally but relationships dont work that way.

I really like what you've

I really like what you've said. Thanks. Actually previously I was of the mindset that it is our day and nothing to really do with them and it would be awkward to 'make them' have to be happy for us or something. I don't want them to have to choose to be happy or not happy that their dad is marrying me, they shouldn't even have to think about it. But i posted on another forum and got blasted for not involving them so this was my way of trying to meet things halfway. You're right, nothing changes with our relationship.
So why do you think other people were so mad at me for 'excluding' them? I don't know, I'm so confused by te two sides. I just want to be kind and considerate.

Thats basically why I have

Thats basically why I have arranged to have the photo-shoot. So we have some nice photos together as the three of us, but also so SD can have a nice photo to keep of just her and her dad.

My fiance said it best to me, his priority is me and our relationship/marriage, my priority is him and our relationship/marriage but the joint priority of us as a couple is to the care and well-being of any children in our care. Whether thats future bio children, SD or the neighbours kid over on a visit.

Other forums seem to be naive with step-families, they see step mothers as these strange creatures that should kiss the asses of any children in their home, love them unconditionally but not feel they have a say in their own home. Sorry, Im a modern day woman and I am no ones doormat, thats why this site fits with my viewpoint.