ADHD or is it..........?
:?
Hello all..... After 9 years of dealing with constant, and when I say constant there has not been one week in the last 9 years of some kinda of drama related to my SS13 that I'm reaching out to others who may be living the same hell I am. now you must ask yourself, if it is such hell why am I still with my hubby. Well I can't punish my hubby for mistakes he made before we met and on top of that he is the best man I know. He is extremely loving, adoring affectionate and the list goes on. Our relationship has had its bumps along the way but nothing I couldn't handle (although there have been some times that SS was a deal breaker and was ready to run) but I figured I'm no quitter and I'll be damned if a lil 8 yr old (at the time) keeps me from marrying my best friend. The biggest bump of all has been his bio S13. When I came into the picture he was about to turn 5. I thought he was cute and full of life. Well after time went on I started to see why my hubby was in some kinda of disgruntled mood when ss was around. When SS was younger he would cry in "agonizing pain of thirst or hunger." Now of course he was a well nourished child who has never missed a meal in his life. It was all a show to get what he wanted when he wanted. Luckily my hubby was no fool and would check his lil butt. When he would get scolded for something he did, get your ear plugs out because he would scream as if being physically tortured.
One day we went to the renaissance fair when SS was about 6 years old. He wanted a toy he saw and hubby said no, so of course he has a tantrum. Which you all must say to yourself this is normal behavior of a 6 year old. Well yes I agree, I'm a mom and have dealt with this with my own bio son. What I don't agree with is when I bend down to tell him to stop acting like that he throws his cup of soda in my face and down my shirt! Now if that was my bio son I would have whooped his lil butt. (Now don't judge me, but I'm all about old school spankings of course not beat). I was so stunned that all I could do was walk away. My husband realized what had happened and grabbed his ill butt and our trip was over.
Let me just lay out a lil background. Bio mom and bio dad have rarely ever fought over visitation. This kid has been in trouble in school all of elementary and so far all of junior high. When he was in third grade his teachers were ready to pull their hair out because he was a constant terror not only to them but the students. My hubby had to pick him up and do an immediate transfer to another school closer to our home (yay for me....not). All the teachers had to say was," please let us know what you need so we can help you in your transition." That's says a lot.... New school well let's just say he pretty much should not have graduated elementary but they did not want to deal with him so, "bye Felicia.... Off to junior high you go!"
I have spent a number of
I have spent a number of years hearing how special needs of various diagnosis, are a good enough reason for the most disgusting behaviour I have ever seen. The only ones I do not hear it is acceptable from is therapists. Throwing soda in your face is behavioural and not special needs. What a disgusting situation to be in. What I do hear, your husband does not tolerate this. It is not considered normal or poor child of divorce excuses.
You can do this! There are many of us on here living your nightmare. Keep posting.
Your are right about that.
Your are right about that. Husband does not tolerate his crap. And Honestly thank god for that because I guarantee I would have ran for the hills had it been any other way. And it also helped that from the very beginning both bio parents gave me full parental rights with SS. So that should give you an idea on how bad it could be because they know no one would tolerate him any other way.
I have a SKID with extreme
I have a SKID with extreme ADHD. He can't sit at the table, he can't sit long enough on the toilet to finish his poo (he finishes in his pants), he can't go to school without medication. He suffers.
That's real.
I've met plenty of other kids who have been diagnosed with ADHD and I think it was a misdiagnosis.
Your SS does sound like he's got some issues though, if he's also having problems at school. If you guys really want to get to the bottom of it, you'll need to take him to a developmental pediatrition.
Unfortunately you will look
Unfortunately you will look back at this time in ten years as the quiet time. SS20 now has ADHD and its was a nuisance but manageable up until the teen years. Best of luck and it's great to have support from your spouse as it will make it easier. Hopefully the kid has a good heart as its more bearable.
Sorry didn't get to finish
Sorry didn't get to finish story. It gets better (not in a good way) as we speak we just had full parent meeting to talk about SS drama. I'm taking about Bio mom/dad and stepmom/dad all present. Hubby walked in so couldn't finish. To be continued .......... :O
Continuing....... SS got in
Continuing....... SS got in trouble in elementary school for hitting a kid. When teacher said they were informing parents of the incident, he flipped out and begged them not to tell, or else he would be beaten as he is regularly beaten and yelled at home by parents and stepparents! So of course he gets away with beating a kid at school and outs all the attention on all of us. We had social services and law enforcement in our home for a month after that. As we are dealing with the drama, SS was going about life like nothing happened. Then the day before first day of sixth grade he and bio mom got into argument because he damaged something in her home. Well typical not take responsibility for his actions deflects by saying he is going to kill himself. Here we go..... In the hospital trying to put his lil butt on a 72 her hold but my hubby feels bad and changes his mind even though bio mom and I were on same page.
So this past Thursday he brings a note home from school that he has been rude to the substitute teacher and has disrupted the class and has completed no work (which is a weekly on going problem). So we check him and tell him it's unacceptable behaviour. Well he goes into "poor me, I can't do anything right, pity party" and says he wants to kill himself. Once again he deflects and hubby actually feels sorry for him this time. SS laid it on thick with tears and all but we have seen this act before. So bio mom and stepdad came over last night and all 3 of us agreed his butt should have been admitted. Especially since this is now about the 5th time he has cried wolf about suicide. If he needs help he will get it, if he is faking the funk then at least he will see what it is to be in a mental hospital. Husband upset with me because I told him I don't want to see him, hear him look at him because I feel in my gut he is manipulating him and everyone else as he has always done. He has been off meds for about 2 months now and guess what he is still the same exact lil asshole. He even admits he has the ability to make the right choice just is to lazy and doesn't care. He used his adhd to justify his behaviour. Or would say things like , "oh my meds haven't kicked in yet." did I mention he is a compulsive liar. I mean he can't go ONE day with out a lie no matter how dumb it is.
I had surveillance installed because we have caught him playing with fire. And sure as shit I caught him on camera again playing with fire!!!
I have so many stories about this spawn of Satan. And so we are clear all parents step parents are on same page. We all told him yet again last night that we are all sick of this same crap and it has to stop. Although I know it won't change. We have had family meets numerous times and have had all of us sit in family therapy session for him. NOTHING works. I'm just glad I was able to get him off the meds to prove to everyone that he is simply who he is and there is no medication for laziness.
Hubby thinks he can handle
Hubby thinks he can handle this and avoid putting him on a 72hr hold. He wants to prevent SS from having a 5150 on his record. But the rest of us agree it is what it is and should be handled by the pros.
So ADD and firestarting IS a
So ADD and firestarting IS a thing... I didn't know that. Here's an article about it
http://sos.strateja-xl.com/professional-information/Articles/ADD_and_Fir...
What's interesting is that some towns have firestopper programs led by local fire departments.
Since my last post there has
Since my last post there has been more drama. Long story short he was talked to by bio dad regarding his newly acquired 3rd F in school. His bio mom picked him since it was her day. Not even two hours later she calls me saying stepson was making statements yet again that he wanted to kill himself and was looking for a gun. This was it no more crying wolf. We finally had him admitted in an adolescent center for evaluation. And as predictable as he is, he is treating this like a fkn vacation. Calling family members and friends to come visit him at the hospital. My worst fear is that he will enjoy the attention he is getting from this and will do it again and again. We are all so fed up we all agreed to research a boot camp/military/boarding school. we just can't catch a break. I feel horrible saying it but I wish they would just keep him in hospital.
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