Who sits where?
Hi guys, its me again.
I would like to talk about seating arrangements today. How do you handle the sitting arrangement when your skid is around?
We got 5 year old skid half the week. When she is here I usually make way for her...meaning I offer her the seat next to her dad on the comfy couch with the view in a restaurant. This is the spot where I would usually sit, when she is not around. At home she often assigns seats to everybody, if we watch a movie for instance. This sitting arrangement usually involves her sitting between us.
Now we have a situation where I am scared to sit anywhere else rather than in my assigned place, in case she gets upset. I am in two minds about this as I feel she doesnt see him enough. On the other hand I feel I am creating a situation where she feels she can take my place whenever she is here, which might confuse the pecking order and my role in the "family". I was brought up in a way where children would wait to allow grown ups to choose their seat.
What are your thoughts?
I really feel I have found friends in this forum, I am so happy I can share those questions.
THIS!!!! Went down this road
THIS!!!! Went down this road myself. Do not I repeat do not encourage mini wife-dom under any circumstances this is Parenting by Pity (TM) which is always disastrous in which most Disney dads will mistakenly encourage.
I would propose, that instead
I would propose, that instead of the child sitting between you, your husband sits in the middle and the child next to dad. A 5 year old does not dictate a seating dynamic. The restaurant I would be fine with. Especially if the child still needs guidance with etiquette. Possibly switch it up that you sit on the soft seating and they sit opposite you.
Hi guys, ok I did have that
Hi guys,
ok I did have that feeling I need to backtrack and nip this behaviour in the butt.
You see the problem is with those little ones you dont often recognize manipulation because they are often cute while manipulating.
For instance making the couch look all nice with extra cushions and blankets, but then demanding where everybody sits because she has set it up.
@Sally I like your suggestion of doing it in a playful way. I will try that.
@Outahere: She refused to come visit us for a while because she has to share her daddy at our house (her mum is not in a relationship), so now we are all tiptoeing around her so that there is no tension.
@Monchichi: Table manners is my department Im afraid.
@dee140294: I hear you and I can see how this becomes a problem in the future. Problem is I am the only one anticipating how this might turn out if we allow domination on a small scale.
Have a good weekend folkies!
Hi Echo! I will backtrack and
Hi Echo! I will backtrack and fix my mistake. Yes. It's not too late.
That happened to me. IT
That happened to me. IT DIDN'T end well either. Then we would go to the movies and they want to sit side by side with their dad holding hands and would want me to sit somewhere else in a different row on the opposite side of the theater and daddy-o would go along with it.
Hi NowireCoat...., you
Hi NowireCoat...., you obviously not together anymore right? I think even I would find that unacceptable. S
You sound like I did in the
You sound like I did in the beginning trying to be considerate and make skids feel welcome. Mine were older (16 and 19 ish)and SS would "call shotgun" and I would be in the backseat with SD and DD. Heck, one time I ended up eating the dinner I prepared on the living room floor (yeah, I know).
Restaurant and theatre seating was the same. I finally stopped that nonsense. At the restaurant, I said that I wanted to sit next to DH and he made that happen. At the house, I said that's my spot.
As with many things, I had to lead DH. I know he wasn't trying to allow any displacement and I hadn't spoken up about how awkward the whole seating determined by skids made me feel.
I don't know what took me so long. My DD was 11ish and I never let her chose the seating or sit in between us. Please be smarter than me and end this now. Say things like: DH why don't you sit in the middle, that's my seat. Take charge of where you park your behind woman
Haha shotgun. Nope, adults
Haha shotgun. Nope, adults in the front seat, kids in the back.
If my dh had allowed that he
If my dh had allowed that he would have been my EXDH. LOL. This is the kind of small circumstance that can set the whole tone right? If your dh don't let you tske your place beside him as an equal. All it should take is me saying "nope kids in the back" and if a skid popped off with a "it's my dad's car", he should automatically say "yep, my car, kids get in the back."
Hi Esmod, ja I think you
Hi Esmod, ja I think you nailed it. It sets the whole tone. Also, I find I am much more willing to look after skid if she is not competing for my status in the pecking order. Its really in everyone's best interest to respect and acknowledge "the Queen" of the house. S
If my dh had allowed that he
If my dh had allowed that he would have been my EXDH. LOL. This is the kind of small circumstance that can set the whole tone right? If your dh don't let you tske your place beside him as an equal. All it should take is me saying "nope kids in the back" and if a skid popped off with a "it's my dad's car", he should automatically say "yep, my car, kids get in the back."
Yeap, especially when it's
Yeap, especially when it's your car. I'm a slow learner.
I too think adults should
I too think adults should chose their place first, I was raised like that too and I think it transfers to other parts of life that are important. I think it's part of respecting adults/elders etc. Also changing it up and not sitting in the same place all the time may help reduce the need to control, and help her be more flexible and see that that is ok.