Yesterday was SD15's birthday. I did not say anything to her. Just after midnight, she texts her dad and asked him if I knew it was her birthday because she hadn't heard from me.

Here's the story, but let's go back a few weeks first. She's been nothing but disrespectful, rude, and downright mean to her dad. Last week or so she decided she no longer wants to stay with us (10 days out of the month) because we are "too uptight" at our house. Meaning we have rules and her BM doesn't. H obliged and she no longer comes to our house. Yet, she think she get to tell H when to jump, but when he doesn't ask how high, she throws a fit and tells him that's not the way he's supposed to parent. In addition, this girl has barely spoken to me in the last year or more. She answers everything with "Yes", "No", "I don't know" or simply one word answers like "good", "fine", "okay".

As for her actual birthday, I honestly didn't remember. I work nights (12 hour shifts), therefore I sleep half of the day. When I woke up I had damage control to tend to on a house project that fell through with the supplier, which has been stressful enough for the last month or more. Meanwhile, my cousin contacted me regarding a visit next month, which was a conversation I needed to have then as she is trying to plan her summer with 2 small children. By the time that was all over I had to get ready for another night at work. I truly forgot because LIFE was happening.

About 11:30pm my H texts me and mentioned it being her birthday and that he asked her if they could go somewhere to celebrate this weekend (this text was sent around noon to her). She never responded to him and he was pretty hurt (once again) by her ignoring his messages. About an hour later, he tells me that she finally text him back, BUT it only asked if I knew it was her birthday because she hadn't heard from me. Nothing about going out this weekend like he asked. He responded with (I did not tell him what to say), "Do you know when her birthday is? You guys don't seem to have a very good relationship." Followed by another text of him calling her out for not replying to his message from 12 hours prior and that she should start the conversation with an answer to that instead of what she said.

She never responded. Shocking. I've been the scapegoat for his kids, his mom, his sister, and whoever else is keeping track for a couple of years now. Whenever there is something wrong, it MUST be my fault. His mom especially has been downright evil towards me, even ignoring me and walking right by me at my H's father's funeral. Very mature.

I was against sending her a text at 11:30pm because that is too late and I wouldn't send anyone a text at that hour unless I know for a fact they are awake. When she sent her text to my H after midnight, I clearly wasn't going to say it then. And I'm off work at 6am, so I wouldn't send anyone a text that early. So now here I am wondering what to do. Do I send the "Happy belated birthday" text when I wake up? Do I listen to my H and not say anything to her at all? He thinks that she needs to work on having a relationship with someone if she expects certain behaviors. She didn't tell me happy birthday a few months ago, but I'm expected to remember hers and tell her? At 15 she needs to learn how relationships are a two way street. No matter what I do at this point, I think it's a lose lose. I'll be blamed and blamed and blamed some more. Thoughts?